something i need to think about.
from carolyn hax's column in the washington post. her readers are writing in while she's on vacation.
On people who claim to be "too nice":
There is nothing nice about never opening yourself up to possible disagreement while others around you do take that risk. If you think about it, it's a form of manipulation, control and superiority.
If you never speak your mind, then you get to retain an image of kindness when you might actually not be kind. Not that you aren't, necessarily, but a lot of people seem to confuse niceness with kindness. I know "nice" people who would never speak up to defend someone being mistreated in a group, for example.
I would ditch the "nice" label and instead think about what you are avoiding or hiding by not speaking your mind.
Besides, speaking your mind isn't the opposite of nice. And avoiding conflict isn't about trying not to hurt other people, it's about trying not to have someone think negatively of you. You can have "conflict" without being a jerk.
i hadn't considered that. maybe i need to.
working on things.
On people who claim to be "too nice":
There is nothing nice about never opening yourself up to possible disagreement while others around you do take that risk. If you think about it, it's a form of manipulation, control and superiority.
If you never speak your mind, then you get to retain an image of kindness when you might actually not be kind. Not that you aren't, necessarily, but a lot of people seem to confuse niceness with kindness. I know "nice" people who would never speak up to defend someone being mistreated in a group, for example.
I would ditch the "nice" label and instead think about what you are avoiding or hiding by not speaking your mind.
Besides, speaking your mind isn't the opposite of nice. And avoiding conflict isn't about trying not to hurt other people, it's about trying not to have someone think negatively of you. You can have "conflict" without being a jerk.
i hadn't considered that. maybe i need to.
working on things.