Close, but No Cigar
Okay, let's just get it out of the way first this time:
I'm not actually gay. I'm transgendered.
Yes, as in "I'm a straight woman trapped in a man's body," though I hate to use a stereotype.
Wow. Hold up. I know. It's weird.
The truth is I can't begin to describe how weird it's been pretending my whole life to be something everyone else thought I was. For the longest time I felt like a stranger in my own body because I have never really seen myself as a boy. At all. I acknowledge what's between my legs, in my head, and in my genes do not match up. I've known ever since I discovered what the word "transgendered" meant when I was in elementary school, but I was too worried about how hard it would be, how scary, how alienating. I kept putting roadblock after roadblock in my way, finally hoping that being an effeminate gay man would be an acceptable option. But it backfired. Being out about just one aspect of myself made me realize that pretending to be something I'm not is the most painful thing I could ever do to myself.
No, I am not a cross-dresser, transvestite, or gender-bender. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I guess the best way to describe it is with a superhero metaphor. (God, I'm going to make one nerd a very happy wife.) We trans-girls are a lot like Superman. We were born different, but assume the "secret identity" of a boy early on in life. The rest of the gender-queer are kind of like Batman. They were born a normal person, but developed a feminine personality later on. So now you know. (And knowing is half the battle.)
So what does all this mean?
No, you don't have to refer to me as "she" or "her" yet but you might as well get used to the idea. On December 8th - or what was my "gay birthday" - I will begin living as a woman full-time. This will involve therapy, taking hormones, laser or electrolysis hair removal for my face, and eventually surgery to turn my penis into a vagina. No, I will not be changing my name, thankfully "Dorian" is unisex.
For the longest time I worried the most about what everyone would say, but I've been out at home and work for the last two weeks and everyone's been very cool about it. Already my friends have done everything in their power to not only make me feel comfortable, but to help me get all the resources together that this journey is going to take. I can't believe how lucky and blessed I am. At long last I'm happy to be who I am. And I got to tell you, it's the greatest feeling in the world.
I'm not actually gay. I'm transgendered.
Yes, as in "I'm a straight woman trapped in a man's body," though I hate to use a stereotype.
Wow. Hold up. I know. It's weird.
The truth is I can't begin to describe how weird it's been pretending my whole life to be something everyone else thought I was. For the longest time I felt like a stranger in my own body because I have never really seen myself as a boy. At all. I acknowledge what's between my legs, in my head, and in my genes do not match up. I've known ever since I discovered what the word "transgendered" meant when I was in elementary school, but I was too worried about how hard it would be, how scary, how alienating. I kept putting roadblock after roadblock in my way, finally hoping that being an effeminate gay man would be an acceptable option. But it backfired. Being out about just one aspect of myself made me realize that pretending to be something I'm not is the most painful thing I could ever do to myself.
No, I am not a cross-dresser, transvestite, or gender-bender. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I guess the best way to describe it is with a superhero metaphor. (God, I'm going to make one nerd a very happy wife.) We trans-girls are a lot like Superman. We were born different, but assume the "secret identity" of a boy early on in life. The rest of the gender-queer are kind of like Batman. They were born a normal person, but developed a feminine personality later on. So now you know. (And knowing is half the battle.)
So what does all this mean?
No, you don't have to refer to me as "she" or "her" yet but you might as well get used to the idea. On December 8th - or what was my "gay birthday" - I will begin living as a woman full-time. This will involve therapy, taking hormones, laser or electrolysis hair removal for my face, and eventually surgery to turn my penis into a vagina. No, I will not be changing my name, thankfully "Dorian" is unisex.
For the longest time I worried the most about what everyone would say, but I've been out at home and work for the last two weeks and everyone's been very cool about it. Already my friends have done everything in their power to not only make me feel comfortable, but to help me get all the resources together that this journey is going to take. I can't believe how lucky and blessed I am. At long last I'm happy to be who I am. And I got to tell you, it's the greatest feeling in the world.