Fic: Betted & Closeted (Criminal Minds, Reid / Morgan)
Title: Betted & Closeted
Pair: Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc
Feedback: Always Welcome.
Criminal Minds Main List
“We’re not even together, you can’t keep me in the doghouse!” Morgan protested. He followed Prentiss into the bullpen and ignored the curious glance Reid was sending them.
“Your place is not in the doghouse, it’s in a pigsty.” She sniped. “Because you’re a pig.”
“It was totally innocent!”
“You encouraged her.”
“I didn’t! I just did what I always do.”
“And for the rest of humanity, that counts as flirting.”
“I can’t help it.”
“You can definitely help it. You could stop sending people those looks and making double-entendres, so maybe it wouldn’t be so uncomfortable for me to try to conduct an interview. And if it’s annoying to me, just imagine how awkward it must be for Reid.”
“I’m still right here.” Reid interrupted. “What did he do now?”
“This poor man’s Casanova groped an underage cheerleader.”
“I didn’t grope her, she pushed her boobs to my hands.” Morgan corrected. “We talked about how the vic had left the gym half an hour before she got killed and one of her team-mates explained how they needed extra supportive bras, because of all the bouncing up and down.”
“You didn’t exactly push her away.” Prentiss reminded. “She was wiggling them like a cheap hooker. When did teenage girls become that pushy? And no comments about my own age, if you want to keep your teeth intact.”
“They were always pushy, it takes guts to do stuff like that in front of half the squad.” Morgan turned to Reid. “And it was in front of the whole squad, so there was no funny business going on.”
“I believe that.” Reid let out a long sigh. “You just don’t have the self-control to repress your primitive impulses.”
“I got self-control!”
“You can’t keep those flirty glances and leery comments in check for one day, except when we got a hot clue or gruesome case to distract you.”
“I can go a day without-”
“Where have I heard that before…”
“I meant without flirting.”
“Wanna bet?”
“You’re on, Brainiac. What’s the stake?”
“Dinner at that place, where they got those extra big steaks, looser pays everything.”
“Okay, kid. What kinda rules?”
“No flirtation through verbal or non-verbal means, no sexist comments, and no remarks that could be categorised as baring similarities to sexual innuendos, double-entendres, or such. And no lewd comments about other people. Prentiss will be the official judge.”
“Sounds good to me.” Prentiss agreed. “I’m a tough judge.”
“And prejudiced too.” Morgan groaned and let out a dramatic sigh. “Let’s just get back to work. Where’s everyone?”
“Rossi’s… I’m not sure where he is.” Reid scanned the bullpen, but didn’t see the man in question. “Last time I saw him, he was trying to come out of the closet.”
“He was…” Prentiss stared at him for a moment. “What was holding him back?”
“The lock.”
“The lock?”
“Yeah, the lock on the supply closet’s door. He went in and couldn’t get out.”
“I thought they fixed it last week.”
“They did, but it didn’t last long. He went to get some paper clips and got out half an hour later, when the janitor picked the lock. He was lucky he had his phone with him or he could still be there.”
“But finally he came out of the closet.” She stated, grinning like a cat who got the cream. She gave Morgan a long look. “Look at that face…”
She and Reid took a minute to enjoy the expression on Morgan’s face. The man was pressing his mouth shut, keeping his little quips inside.
“Don’t bite your lip like that, you’ll start bleeding.” Reid commented. “I can practically hear what he would normally say.”
“So can I.” Prentiss agreed. “He’s not gonna last one hour.”
“I will.” Morgan gritted his teeth. “Back to work. What about J.J. and Hotch?”
“Will dropped by, and now J.J.`s airing her panties under a fan.” Reid deadpanned. “They were all wet.”
Prentiss took her time observing Morgan, who had stuffed half of his fist into his mouth to stay quiet.
“I know the story can’t be as exciting as the summary, but tell me anyway.” Prentiss demanded. “Will dropped by and…?”
“And then he left.”
“What does that have to do with panties?”
“Nothing. There was a leaking water pipe in the ladies locker-room and J.J.`s locker got soaked. She had her go-bag in her office, but her spare underwear was in her locker.” Reid looked slightly confused. “Although I can’t understand the practicality of having underwear, but no actual clothes.”
“Were they pink?”
“I think so.”
“With little lace trimming and a matching camisole?”
“I tried not to look.” Reid blushed and nodded. “But that’s probably a quite adequate description.”
“Then I know why they were in her locker.” Prentiss stated. “They’re for Will’s birthday, she wanted to keep them there so he wouldn’t find them.”
“Why would she buy him ladies underwear?”
“It’s mainly about what’s inside the underwear.” She grinned and leaned closer to observe the pink tint of the doctor’s cheeks. “Little spicing up in the bedroom.”
“How would…” A look of shock appeared on Reid’s face and his blush turned even darker. “Oh…”
“Now you got it.”
“Morgan does the same thing sometimes.”
“He does?”
“Well, not in ladies underwear. Men’s underwear, but I assume the same technique applies. He usually-”
“I put on some music and wiggle my best assets, and that’s all she needs to know.” Morgan groaned. “Can we please just drop the topic?”
“I always thought you enjoyed when I, or practically anyone brings out your creativity in the sexual matters.” Reid stated. He was still red as a fire engine, but his grin made it clear he was beginning to enjoy the situation. “Before we got together you started practically every Monday morning by telling about your latest escapades-”
“That’s true.” Prentiss agreed. “Two days after I started here I already knew about you and that blond form white collar crimes-”
“Both of you…”Morgan rubbed his temples furiously and pressed his eyes shut. “If I give up now, will you two stop this conversation here?”
“No.” Reid and Prentiss stated simultaneously.
“Baby, I promise I’ll take you out and buy you the biggest steak you can eat, but right now I need a minute alone.” He turned around and headed out of the bullpen.
“Where are you going?”
“What do you think? I think I’ll take a little break in the supply closet and try to get rid of this headache that started around the same time as this conversation. If I’m not back in two hours, send the janitor there to pick the lock.”