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maldeluxx March 13 2010, 19:15:27 UTC
Now that was good *phew* XD :) Good stuff.

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sunmontue May 13 2010, 02:41:40 UTC
Delicious. *guh*

You're a good writer - you use capital letters and punctuation and everything I'm pointing out is small and little, but also necessary (and I am fairly certain you know it already, but miss it). If I did't like your writing, (or appreciate the fact that you have the courage to put it out there), I wouldn't spend my time pointing them out. Just trying to be helpful. I worry that it might sound like I am being snarky. I'm not. *chews lip*

"When a third finger invaded him, he started to pushed himself against" - mixture of tenses stops the flow.

"disposed the used condom" - mssing "of"

"Warrick self-control" - needs the apostrophe 's'

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