Fic: On The Air (Criminal Minds, Reid / Morgan)
Title: On The Air
Pair: Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
Criminal Minds Main List
“Spencer?”
“I’m busy, can we talk later? I have to finish this before we go to bed.”
“You’ll read that in ten minutes and you already read that last week. Put it down. I wanna have serious discussion.”
“Have you walked Clooney yet? You know what happens when he doesn’t get out-”
“He’s been out, sit down and listen. When I was driving back from the store-”
“Did you remember my ex libris stickers?”
“Yes, although I have no idea why you wanted those.”
“I always forget my books everywhere, I’ll write my name and return dress on them. Actually I should start marking them right now-”
“Nice try, you’re not going anywhere.”
“Did you know the earliest known marks of ownership of books or documents date from the reign of Amenophis III in Egypt. However, in their modern form, they evolved from simple inscriptions in books which were common in Europe in the Middle Ages, when various other forms of-”
“You’re not gonna babble your way out of this. You promised me wouldn`t do it again.”
“Babble?”
“Don’t try to look innocent.”
“You always say you like it when I look innocent. You said it stimulates your production of oxytocin and prolactin-”
“No, I said it makes me horny.”
“Same thing. The whole question of visual stimulation and bodily reactions-”
“You’re doing it again, don’t try to distract me.”
“I’m not, I’m talking about factors that contribute to sexual excitement and-”
“Reid, I heard you on the radio.”
“That had to be someone else, I don’t sing. Especially not jazz.”
“I wasn’t listening to the Jazz Channel. I was listening to Doctor Harrow’s Trauma Hour.”
“That’s nice, I gotta go now-”
“You’re not going anywhere. You promised me you wouldn’t call them again.”
“I had to! It was my duty!”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“That quack was butchering a hundred years worth of scientific work to get material for her next book. She shouldn’t even be licensed to practice!”
“She’s an old windbag who recycles the same weird phrases no matter what the caller’s problem is, but you can’t keep calling her!”
“I was just trying to correct-”
“She started sobbing when she heard you were calling.”
“It’s not my fault they put my call through.”
“That’s a really weak defence.”
“That woman is giving the whole field of science a bad name. She’s an embodiment of commercial corruption of pure psychiatry.”
“She’s the supermarket brand of cereals, I got it. But you gotta leave her alone. You-” He stopped his rant and listened to the tinny little whine. “Yours or mine?”
“Mine.” Reid pulled out his cell phone and sapped it open. “Doctor Reid. Yes, the same doctor Reid. Really? I…. Of course. Thank you. I’ll…I`ll check my calendar and I’ll call you back. Thank you. Bye.”
“What was that?”
“That was the manager of the radio station.”
“Don’t tell me they’re trying to get a restraining order against you….”
“No. Apparently my calls have increased the show’s audience by forty-seven percent. People actually called the station asking when we’re debating again.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No, they want to book me to appear as a guest.”
“And the not so good doctor wants you there too?”
“Good ratings for the show will effect the sales of her pseudo-self-help-books.”
“So they want you to rip her apart on air?”
“They want to set up a civilised debate on her methodology and the use of psychology in the context of popular culture medium, in this case -”
“They want you to scratch each other eyes out on live broadcast.”
“I don’t scratch eyes.”
“No, you aim between them.”
“Not funny, Morgan.”
“Think about it: You’re the brain of the team and somehow you got the second highest fatality rate of all of us.”
“Coincidence.”
“Or maybe you’ve been practising behind my back.”
“I don’t even have time to scrub that awful dirty ring off the bathtub behind your back, you’re always around.”
“I said I’ll handle it-”
“And you haven’t. I warned you not to put Clooney in there after your jog and you didn’t listen, and now that filth has been there for two weeks.”
“I though all that mud would go down the drain with the water and….” Morgan took a deep breath. “I think we got kinda sidetracked. What were we talking about?”
“That radio show.”
“What about it?”
“They want me on it.”
“Right. You’ll have to get Hotch`s permission, higher ups don`t like it when bureau employees make public appearances like that without a permission.”
“I’ve released several articles during my time in the BAU, how could this be different?”
“Were talking about a radio shrink whose advice for a guy with mama-issues was: Do what Freud did and blame it all on your mom and get some real problems, you boring looser.”
“And I did give her feedback for her approach.”
“Okay, forget I said anything.” Morgan chuckled. “I hope they’ll let you do it, because that will be a geek fight to end all geek fights.”