Fic: Suited for Halloween (Numb3rs, Don Eppes / Martin)
Title: Suited for Halloween
Pair: Don Eppes / Martin Fridegord
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
NUMB3RS Main List
“You too. Bye.” Martin hung up and sighed deeply. “My mom says Happy Halloween.”
“Thanks.” Don commented over his newspaper.
“And she send a message for you.”
“What?”
“Low temperature increases sperm mobility.”
“How did that come up in a conversation?”
“She’s still convinced we’ll be selecting surrogates in the near future. I keep telling her we’re not doing that, but….”
“I’ve met her, you don’t need to tell me more.” Don grinned. “Did she give you an update on her sexlife again?”
“Apparently dad is having some problems in that area.”
“I don’t want to know.”
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing that little blue pills wont fix.”
“How can you talk about it like that?”
“I’ve had to listen to that stuff since I was a kid. Same thing with all my siblings, we’re all desensitised.”
“I was in my teens before I even realised my parents were doing stuff….”
“Did you walk in on them?”
“No!” Don looked absolutely horrified. “The whole thought is disgusting.”
“I did. But in my defence it wasn’t in their bedroom.”
“I’m so gonna regret asking…. Where was it?”
“In the living room.” Martin sat down on the couch and lifted his feet to the coffee table. “On the floor, next to the dog bed.”
“Was the dog….?”
“No, dog wasn’t there to see it. I came back from school early and I walked right in there.”
“Sounds really traumatic.”
“Not really. By that time mom had already given me that whole sex-is-a-natural-part of-life -talk. But I didn’t really wanna see a live demonstration.”
“I never had to see that, but I saw something equally awful.”
“What?”
“Chuck and Granger in the garage. Against a blackboard.”
“Ouch…..”
“Exactly.” Don folded his newspaper and got up. “Are we gonna get dressed?”
“No hurry, we’re supposed to be at the house in two hours.” Martin eyed the half empty coffeepot. “You want the rest of that?”
“No, go ahead. I’ll need time to get into that costume.”
“You need a shoehorn for that?”
“Watch it….”
“Just kidding.” Martin poured the rest of the coffee to his mug. “I could help you get into it.”
“This is just like when you said my tie was crooked and it turned into a three hour session on the couch.”
“You look good with a tie.” Martin shrugged.
“Thanks.”
“Are you sure you can fit into that thing?”
“Yeah. And I had to take that, all the larger sizes were already gone.”
“Why couldn’t you just pick up another costume?”
“I always wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid, but dad had some weird grudge against NASA.”
“I remember. Charlie once said something about some government project and Alan started this half an hour rant about some conspiracy.”
“Old hippie….”
“Yeah.”
“Exactly how often did you go to the house?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, dad knew you well, so I guess you met him more than few times.”
“Yeah, but that was before I moved out of L.A.”
“When was that?”
“Just before you moved back.”
“Before mom…..”
“Yeah. I did talk with Charlie about it.”
“Seriously?”
“He called me quite a few times after they let her back home.” Martin gave Don a sharp glance. “And don’t look like that.”
“What am I supposed to look like? My own little brother talked to his ex about it but not to me.”
“Don, you two weren’t close back then, so just let it go.”
“He confided in you.”
“You’re blowing the whole thing out of proportion.”
“Am I?” Don ran his fingers through his hair. “I knew you and Chuck have a long history, but I didn’t even know that you kept in touch when you went away.”
“And when you went to away to cut all contact, is that what you mean?”
“Something like that. Anyway, we better get going-”
“Don, listen carefully. Charlie needed support and he called me. Nothing more and nothing less. It had nothing to do with you.”
“Then why didn’t he talk to me?”
“Because you made it hard for him. You kept preaching about how he wasn’t there for your mom, and you never considered how hard the situation was for him.”
“I know that-”
“But you didn’t know back then. And things are different now, so there’s no use thinking about old things.” Martin leaned closer and gave him a light kiss. “Now shove your ass into that costume if you can, I need to get dressed too.”
“Okay.” Don agreed. “You still haven’t told me what your costume is.”
“Get ready and then I’ll show you.” Martin headed to the bathroom and locked the door.
----------------------------------
“I’m ready, show me!” Don yelled and knocked on the door.
Martin opened the door and stepped out. “What do you think?”
“Zorro?”
“Yeah.”
“Looks good.” Don’s wandered up and down the costume. “You gotta keep the mask on when we come back…..”
“I can do that…. And you actually got into that costume.”
“Yep. What do you think?”
“Twirl around a little bit.”
Don did as he was told.
“I think you should take that back up costume I got for you.”
“You got me a costume?”
“Just in case you can’t fit into that one.”
“What costume?”
“Charlie Chaplin.”
“I’m not gonna switch from an astronaut to Charlie Chaplin.”
“Please, change. Or I’ll go alone.”
“What’s wrong with this one?”
“Did you even take a look in the mirror?”
“Yeah, and it looks great.”
“In the front. The back seam is torn all the way down.”
“What?” Don tried to twist his torso to see his backside, looking like a dog chasing his own tail. “Really?”
“That’s what happens when you try shove a grown man into a skin-tight costume. Chaplin’s in the bedroom closet.”
Part 2