Fic: The Camp in Camping, Chapter 1/2 (Criminal Minds, Reid / Mogan, Hotch / Chad)
Title: The Camp in Camping, Chapter 1/2
Pair: Spencer Reid / Derek Morgan,
Aaron Hotchner / Chad Christensen
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
Criminal Minds Main List
Chad stared at the sight on the backyard. He blinked few times, but it didn’t go away.
“Babe.”
“Yeah?”
“You know I’m a pretty open minded guy.”
“Yeah.”
“And I don’t like to judge people over little things, even if I don’t exactly agree with them or understand their views.”
“Sure.”
“All that considered, I have to ask…. What the hell are you doing?”
“I bought a tent.”
“I can see that. Why did you buy a tent?”
“Because I got the week off.”
“What do you buy if you get two weeks off?”
“I mean I’m going to take Jack camping. We’ve never done that.”
“I thought you were a boy scout.”
“I was, but I’ve never been camping with Jack. And Hailey said yes, so I will make this a great trip. We`re going to the nature park , they got great sights.”
“How long are you gonna stay there?”
“Three days. We’re leaving tomorrow.” Hotch let out a frustrated growl. “I think they sold me a faulty tent.”
“Why do you think that?”
“This part is supposed to connect to that one, and the heads don’t even match!”
“I can tell you why.”
“I already know why. Because it’s a faulty tent.”
“Nope. You got that pole upside down. Try the other end.”
“Oh… Thanks.”
“I think I’ll delegate my classes to others, I’m coming with you.”
“Can you do that?”
“I’m the boss, I can divide training as I see fit, as long as I handle my paperwork on time. I don’t even have departmental meetings till next week. Besides, if I let you go camping in the woods with Jack, one of you is gonna come back in tears.”
“Because I had trouble setting up a tent? It’s been a while and we had a lot more primitive tents in boy scouts.”
“If you get worked up like that in your own backyard, you’re gonna flip when you’re in the middle of a forest.”
“Well, can you do this any better?”
Chad just gave him a traditional I-can’t-believe-you just-asked-such-a-dumb-question expression.
“Sorry, I forgot I was talking to McGyver himself.” Hotch didn’t bother to go lightly with the sarcasm. “Of course you can built a tent. Right after you carve a revolver from oak and roast an entire wild boar on a campfire.”
“No need to get spiky just because I have many talents.”
“This is a question of masculinity. Camping is traditional way of male bonding.”
“And what’s the difference between a question of masculinity and a question of machismo?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Masculinity is when you take your kid to do guy stuff.“ Chad explained. “Machismo is when you take your kid to do stuff you can’t really do.”
“Are you saying that I can’t handle one simple camping trip?”
“I took you to that animal sanctuary for a one day trip and you managed to end up in the nearest first aid station.”
“That wasn’t my fault.”
“If a grown man doesn’t remember to avoid poison ivy, it’s his own fault.”
“I didn’t know there was a hill, I wasn’t looking forward. And that’s completely your fault.”
“How can that be my fault?”
“You pulled off your shirt and complained that it’s so hot and you’re all sweaty.”
“And you turned to look.” Chad grinned smugly.
“That’s a natural reaction. You took advantage of me.”
“I didn’t take advantage of you.”
“If you hadn’t done that I may still have fallen down the hill, but at least I would have had my pants on.”
“I just offered to take them off for you if you were getting too hot in the sun.”
“I had to explain to that nurse how I managed to get a rash like that on my ass. You just kept giggling and flirting with her.”
“I don’t think she really bought your story about the killer moose.”
“You try coming up with something better when your ass is on fire.” Hotch saw the grin on Chad’s face and frowned. “And don’t say it.”
“Say what?”
“Ask me if that’s a challenge and what I’m going to do to your ass to get your imagination going.”
“I wasn’t going to say that.”
“Really?”
“No. I was going to ask if you’d like to write a list of excuses for your next hospital trip.”
“You’re going to come with me whether I want it or not, aren’t you?”
“Are you saying you don’t want me there?”
“No, but you don’t need to change your schedule to come with us.”
“And I’ll have to reschedule if you come back with your ass covered with hideous rash.”
“Okay, okay. You can come.”
“I knew you’d see it my way.”
“That’s because you always get your way.”
“When it comes to you, yes.” Chad chuckled. “And I don’t wanna have my way with anyone else.”
“How can you be both annoying and sweet all at once?”
“It’s my gift. By the way, if you don’t move the tent before you bang the poles to the ground you wont be able to get in or out.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you set it up like that, the door flap is against the three.”
“Oh…”
“Are you sure you don’t want any help?”
“Can you give me a minute to just….. think this over.”
“Sure, I got stuff to do. Like packing the first aid kit and calling the insurance company-”
“Stop that!”
“Sorry, babe. You’re a tough guy when you’re in your own environment, but nature is definitely not your environment.”
----------------------------------------------------
“Who was that?” Morgan tried to pull Reid back to the couch.
“Chad. Apparently he’s going camping with Hotch and Jack.”
“Isn’t Jack a little bit young for that?”
“For camping?”
“Yeah, I mean have you seen that guy from administration? First and only guy I’ve ever seen wearing sequins in the office.”
“Morgan, not that kind of camp. Real camping, in the woods.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah, I was surprised too. I can’t even imagine Hotch without his suit and tie. I mean I’ve seen him without them several times, but somehow that mental image just sticks to my impression of him.”
“I know what you mean. Why were they calling you?”
“Chad called me, Hotch is putting up a tent in their backyard to get familiar with it.”
“I’m not even gonna ask about that….”
“Anyway, Chad wanted my opinion about what to pack to the first aid kit. He doesn’t want another rerun of that poison ivy episode.”
“I remember that….” Morgan laughed. “Hotch couldn’t sit right for days.”
“And you wanted to ask Chad how he did that.” Reid added.
“How was I supposed to know it was just a rash?”
“Well, at least you could have kept quiet about it.”
“I was just trying to make some nice small talk.”
“You asked what sexual position they favour if the end result was that.”
“Can we just forget it? It was way too embarrassing to talk about.”
“You think that is embarrassing? What about that time when you had to limp your way to the office and you had to carry a pillow in your bag so you would always have a soft place to sit?”
“That was your fault, Pretty Boy!” Morgan grinned like a Cheshire cat. “And we gotta try that again, it was unbelievable.”
“I will not listen to your whining for a week because you can’t sit right or go out to get you your ointment in the middle of the night. You can forget that. One time was enough.”
Chapter 2/2