Gen fic

[finnimbrun]

Title: Apropos of the Wet Snow
Rating: PG-ish (K+)
Genre: General/Drama
Characters: Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, Sai, Pein, Kurenai, Shikamaru, mentions of various others, strong references to Sasuke, Obito, Minato, Itachi, Jiraiya, et al (no pairings, really, unless you count implicit Pein/Konan)
Spoilers: For the recent manga chapters, though at this

Comments

[kalliel]

I like the styling of this; I think it works really well to convey the appropriate atmosphere. It's a series of very bright, poignant pieces of some greater whole--which is interesting, because when you look back on what you've just read, you get this great collage of many different scenes happening all at once.

The scene where Naruto goes out to build snowmen like Konohamaru was touching. Such that even Konohamaru's presence is not a deterrent. :P And I liked how it transitioned into that tenth day.

I love the small pieces of Sakura in this, as well; in particular, the comparison of her cutting apples for Sasuke all those years ago, and her cutting them for Kakashi now; and the scene with she and Naruto and Kakashi and Sai at Ichiraku, when Naruto thinks about how she takes her seat. The notes between her and Naruto were cute, too. Actually, I liked the Ichiraku scene in general, for what it was to Naruto, and how it fits into the story as a whole.

You mentioned not being sure whether any of this would mean anything, without the ending to fill in the necessary pieces--I rather like that feeling. More specifically, the notion that as you're reading, there's something Pein is waiting on; perhaps you as the reader don't know what, but you're certain there's something, anything, and you want to see it revealed. And that feeling of wanting the answer is just as important as the feeling you're likely to get when you finish reading the fic. And that desire is kept alive by little glimmers like this:

When Naruto turns to leave, he hears, behind him (in a voice speaking to itself):

“You remind me of someone.”

He doesn't say:

You remind me of someone, too.

Short, simple. Evocative.

I didn't think there was anything terribly Not!Pein about Pein; it basically just felt like Pein as Naruto sees him, rather than as Konan sees him. Which is how it should be, yeah? It's interesting to see him from this perspective--from the eyes of someone who really doesn't know him, and can't translate all of what he's not-saying saying, if that makes any sense. More so because it is Naruto, rather than, say, Shikamaru, or some other random person. Regardless of whether Naruto thinks there's a back-and-forth here, I'd say there is.

I like the way you've laid this out, such that Naruto's slowly coming to his answer, even if he can't see it, won't realize it until the very end, just like the audience, while Pein watches him (and perhaps, sees? I suppose it's impossible to tell, with Pein XP).

Hm, there are probably other things I meant to say. I suppose I shall have a chance to say them later.

Except what I've been wanting to say since I started writing this, which is

WOW I REALLY LOVE THIS
EVOKES MUCH EMOTION--OF ALL KINDS
LOL ITACHI LOL INO'S DAD

But no; in all seriousness, I'm really loving this. Not that this is a terribly surprising thing? Certainly I did not expect less. XP

[finnimbrun]

YES OMG THERE WAS ITACHI AND EVEN INO'S DAD. AND I TOTALLY DID NOT SNEAK THOSE GUYS IN BECAUSE OF YOU (ALTHOUGH YOU BEING OBSESSED WITH THEM MAY HAVE REMINDED ME OF THEIR ROLES, SO THEY WERE IN MY MIND XD), and well, Konohamaru... uh, if Kishi is going to shove him on me, I figure I might as well use him.

Pein is hard to write because in my head, he's always saying things without saying them. Or he's not saying what he's saying. Or something. Idk. But WOW, it's harder in this fic than it usually is, since :F KONAN at least gets this guy. Naruto, I think... doesn't.

The last section will be the Big Damn Revelations part, so I hope I can pull that off decently. Basically, what I needed to know was whether or not everything so far had built up to a point appropriate FOR the Big Damn Revelations shiz to have any effect, and it sounds from your comments as if it's about there, so thanks for the help. Very thorough of you. XD If you need me to look over anything in return, I'm game, by the way.