Two waterfowl
It struck me how much of a bad idea this journal is. Not necessarily the original ideals set out for it, I still stand by those, but what it has become. My first thought was, it was just a really stupid, bad idea. Then, I realized, both in a relative sense to what I do, and how stupid it actually is, it doesn't hold much of a candle. What it does have, is insignificance. To confine that mindset to simply here and this is ludicrous, but what this does hold against other.. optimistic.. attempts, is that this is tantamount to me jerking my ego off. Bare with me.. everyone does it, in their own way, and I'm just going to pretend this means much of anything.
First off, I'd like to start with a list of things and/or people I trust:
. . .
Change.
. . .
Yeah, that's about it. No offense meant by that, and there are some people I'd trust on some things, but barring anything that isn't a gray area, change is it. I don't trust change in the who, what, when, where, why, and how department, but that's asking a lot.
Moving on.. I was going to post a list of my most radical thoughts and mindsets, and have anyone who cared to, pick what they thought was the most out there. Then I decided it wasn't worth the trouble for right now.
Dude.. just.. all this. Nearly everything I've been doing in my life is pretty meaningless. Not in the grand cosmic sense.. we're leaving her out of this, as that's either a sure-fire way to snap life into perspective, or just depress the everlasting fuck out of you. Neither is particularly needed or called for right now. What all this means, though.. hell, typing it out defeats the purpose. I'm really starting to not care on so many levels, and so many things.. eh.. far more than usual. It's just, enough effort and time has been spent on so many things I complain about, I'm not sure it's worth it to keep trying.. I'm so sick and tired of the results and what comes of it. Which, I don't know what that means.. just, I'm starting to stop caring on pretty well everything, which could be a great bane, or a boon, depending on how I use it.
Oh, and another thing. If my posts or what I talk about seem endlessly, or needlessly depressing, or perhaps.. downtrodden? Jaded? Cynical? There's a reason for that. My life, it hasn't exactly been the happiest. Not to say I'm never happy, or good doesn't come from it, just that it almost always comes from inside myself. And, not to say that nobody else has ever brought good memories and such, but in a perpsective sense.. that just doesn't seem so important to share to the world what me and 'Person X' did one day. Maybe bring it up in person, or in a story.. but it has it's own place, and out of nowhere, just feels awkward. Not that bitching and moaning here is a great place for it.. because.. LJ's aren't much for anything.. besides.. bitching and moaning pointlessly. Regardles.. just saying, for those that know a lot of my story, as far as anyone else is concerned in my life, I couldn't have had it worse if I tried to fuck things up. And, before anyone gets on my case, yet again, about how there are people with far worse in their lives, I'd like to remind you that there are different ways for someone to be worse than another, and what is so often considered the worst style of life in Western society, is usually far from it. Mother Theresa herself is remembered for telling a successful American to return home upon his offer to help her..
On the plus side! I've seen beauty in life that nearly everyone else overlooks! Hell, in a really awesome awful bittersweet moment, in Mexico I got to run along a beach at night, with the moon reflecting across the ocean. The bitter part comes in that, my most traditionally romantic moment of my life was spent completely alone. Though, I was grinning like an idiot. Then again, that's part of it.. I'm usually alone when I have these wonderful feelings. One time, walking Jas out along railroad tracks.. I think it was then.. I came up in a clearing in the trees, and all I could see aside from the tunnel these trees had formed, beyond all the industry built up below me, was this beautiful sunset that seemed to be geared only for me. I doubt hardly anyone in Woodinville is much concerned with watching the sun set, at least while in the area.. but for those of us/you that have found that spot.. it's just as astounding as anywhere else on earth.
I remember, walking along the beach the next night, similar circumstances.. and I just laid down in the sand. It was as perfect as it could be.. I was in a foreign country, nobody was really aware I was down on that beach besides me, and I don't think too many other people were awake. And here I was, just laying down, with the sand between my toes, watching the light ripple off the water, and.. I remember just being in awe. Here is this planet, this world, that we take for granted and abuse so horribly, and she never holds a grudge. She bares this incredible load we put on her, but doesn't ever complain against it. Life goes on, even if it's worse for her and what she supports, but there isn't any outcry. The only people that rally against it are just that, people.. human beings. Nature herself is so serene toward us, and puts up with more than perhaps any person alive could ever begin to. And it struck me.. whether you believe in this or not, that that seemed to be the very definition of enlightenment. (There ya go, enough time with a spiritual icon and info without mentioning it..) Silently doing what has to be done, and just.. existing. What we do to each other, can barely begin to compare to the horrors and atrocities we place upon nature, and yet there she still is.. no complaints, doing what has to be done. Perhaps you could argue for humanity's elevation among the natural world, perhaps you wouldn't. But, think about it.. how many times have you met a dog that wasn't happier than you?
First off, I'd like to start with a list of things and/or people I trust:
. . .
Change.
. . .
Yeah, that's about it. No offense meant by that, and there are some people I'd trust on some things, but barring anything that isn't a gray area, change is it. I don't trust change in the who, what, when, where, why, and how department, but that's asking a lot.
Moving on.. I was going to post a list of my most radical thoughts and mindsets, and have anyone who cared to, pick what they thought was the most out there. Then I decided it wasn't worth the trouble for right now.
Dude.. just.. all this. Nearly everything I've been doing in my life is pretty meaningless. Not in the grand cosmic sense.. we're leaving her out of this, as that's either a sure-fire way to snap life into perspective, or just depress the everlasting fuck out of you. Neither is particularly needed or called for right now. What all this means, though.. hell, typing it out defeats the purpose. I'm really starting to not care on so many levels, and so many things.. eh.. far more than usual. It's just, enough effort and time has been spent on so many things I complain about, I'm not sure it's worth it to keep trying.. I'm so sick and tired of the results and what comes of it. Which, I don't know what that means.. just, I'm starting to stop caring on pretty well everything, which could be a great bane, or a boon, depending on how I use it.
Oh, and another thing. If my posts or what I talk about seem endlessly, or needlessly depressing, or perhaps.. downtrodden? Jaded? Cynical? There's a reason for that. My life, it hasn't exactly been the happiest. Not to say I'm never happy, or good doesn't come from it, just that it almost always comes from inside myself. And, not to say that nobody else has ever brought good memories and such, but in a perpsective sense.. that just doesn't seem so important to share to the world what me and 'Person X' did one day. Maybe bring it up in person, or in a story.. but it has it's own place, and out of nowhere, just feels awkward. Not that bitching and moaning here is a great place for it.. because.. LJ's aren't much for anything.. besides.. bitching and moaning pointlessly. Regardles.. just saying, for those that know a lot of my story, as far as anyone else is concerned in my life, I couldn't have had it worse if I tried to fuck things up. And, before anyone gets on my case, yet again, about how there are people with far worse in their lives, I'd like to remind you that there are different ways for someone to be worse than another, and what is so often considered the worst style of life in Western society, is usually far from it. Mother Theresa herself is remembered for telling a successful American to return home upon his offer to help her..
On the plus side! I've seen beauty in life that nearly everyone else overlooks! Hell, in a really awesome awful bittersweet moment, in Mexico I got to run along a beach at night, with the moon reflecting across the ocean. The bitter part comes in that, my most traditionally romantic moment of my life was spent completely alone. Though, I was grinning like an idiot. Then again, that's part of it.. I'm usually alone when I have these wonderful feelings. One time, walking Jas out along railroad tracks.. I think it was then.. I came up in a clearing in the trees, and all I could see aside from the tunnel these trees had formed, beyond all the industry built up below me, was this beautiful sunset that seemed to be geared only for me. I doubt hardly anyone in Woodinville is much concerned with watching the sun set, at least while in the area.. but for those of us/you that have found that spot.. it's just as astounding as anywhere else on earth.
I remember, walking along the beach the next night, similar circumstances.. and I just laid down in the sand. It was as perfect as it could be.. I was in a foreign country, nobody was really aware I was down on that beach besides me, and I don't think too many other people were awake. And here I was, just laying down, with the sand between my toes, watching the light ripple off the water, and.. I remember just being in awe. Here is this planet, this world, that we take for granted and abuse so horribly, and she never holds a grudge. She bares this incredible load we put on her, but doesn't ever complain against it. Life goes on, even if it's worse for her and what she supports, but there isn't any outcry. The only people that rally against it are just that, people.. human beings. Nature herself is so serene toward us, and puts up with more than perhaps any person alive could ever begin to. And it struck me.. whether you believe in this or not, that that seemed to be the very definition of enlightenment. (There ya go, enough time with a spiritual icon and info without mentioning it..) Silently doing what has to be done, and just.. existing. What we do to each other, can barely begin to compare to the horrors and atrocities we place upon nature, and yet there she still is.. no complaints, doing what has to be done. Perhaps you could argue for humanity's elevation among the natural world, perhaps you wouldn't. But, think about it.. how many times have you met a dog that wasn't happier than you?