Eddie Izzard as the god Chaos
How do I sum up the time since I've actually updated this? Does it really matter? I don't mean this in any introspective existentialist way, at least not fully. I mean it in a, how many people will actually read this that don't already know? I haven't really updated this since May; a little over four months ago. I'm not sure how long ago it was that I actually updated what was going on in my life. So what has happened?
I graduated high school after seriously fucking up my school year and having a back and forth effort of trying to graduate on time and not caring, only to go until past the end of summer school and the final week before the new school year. I've enrolled in college and have already finished my first week of an early class-- which by the way, is bloody annoying and feels somewhat pointless, at least from my perspective. I've stumbled over the potential for a relationship, what the hell to do with it, getting in it, and only this past week having it come down to a sort of unofficial limbo, for lack of a better term. I've met so many new people I can't begin to count, and started to branch out in the types of people I know, for better or worse. I've once again felt what it's like to corrupt my body, and have started smoking cigarettes full-time these days.
No getting sick and almost dying, though a few times driving and nearly so. This summer has felt like a whirlwind, and at the same time, like time has even stopped. While looking at where I've been and how much has happened, it's all been so fast. When I stop with where I am and look at how far ago it seems, these past weeks have felt like lifetimes.
I don't really know what to say. I don't have any witty diatribes or enlightening thoughts to share, or at least that seem needed to be said. I've felt like I'm in a dream, that everything has been so surreal. I'm so far from being attached to myself and wandering down this path of spirituality that connecting with others is both hilariously pointless and wonderful. And right now, I just really am surprised how much I'm missing Mallory and how much this is hitting me.
Life has this sneaky way of being so amazing and damn aggravating at the same time. But then, this has just been a small rant on something nearly everyone has heard too many times before. Oh, the humanity.
"Yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something can make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive, y'know? I makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now, is if I felt somethin' really good before, so I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feelin' is, like a beautiful sadness..."
Edit: The more time goes by, the more insane it seems to be to try and explain yourself to others.
I graduated high school after seriously fucking up my school year and having a back and forth effort of trying to graduate on time and not caring, only to go until past the end of summer school and the final week before the new school year. I've enrolled in college and have already finished my first week of an early class-- which by the way, is bloody annoying and feels somewhat pointless, at least from my perspective. I've stumbled over the potential for a relationship, what the hell to do with it, getting in it, and only this past week having it come down to a sort of unofficial limbo, for lack of a better term. I've met so many new people I can't begin to count, and started to branch out in the types of people I know, for better or worse. I've once again felt what it's like to corrupt my body, and have started smoking cigarettes full-time these days.
No getting sick and almost dying, though a few times driving and nearly so. This summer has felt like a whirlwind, and at the same time, like time has even stopped. While looking at where I've been and how much has happened, it's all been so fast. When I stop with where I am and look at how far ago it seems, these past weeks have felt like lifetimes.
I don't really know what to say. I don't have any witty diatribes or enlightening thoughts to share, or at least that seem needed to be said. I've felt like I'm in a dream, that everything has been so surreal. I'm so far from being attached to myself and wandering down this path of spirituality that connecting with others is both hilariously pointless and wonderful. And right now, I just really am surprised how much I'm missing Mallory and how much this is hitting me.
Life has this sneaky way of being so amazing and damn aggravating at the same time. But then, this has just been a small rant on something nearly everyone has heard too many times before. Oh, the humanity.
"Yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something can make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive, y'know? I makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now, is if I felt somethin' really good before, so I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feelin' is, like a beautiful sadness..."
Edit: The more time goes by, the more insane it seems to be to try and explain yourself to others.