(no subject)
it's my time to man up & face responsibilities. knock off some shit that's probably been holding me down for the last 6 years. i type this as i sit here smoking a bowl. so, i don't want to. but i have to battle this war within. i don't need to win the war, i just need to win this battle. give me two months of freedom & come christmas time, i'll take you back.
they say to get over something, you must talk. but what if talking doesn't conquer anything? what if it only brings more shit to the surface? i'd be ok if the sleeping mind would just let it be. it forces more than necessary out into the waking mind causing one to dwell more than needed. a bit redundant? yes. but that's how it is in my head.
there's so much inside, yet there's nothing.
.. continued a week later.
i didnt pick up last week. i have 4 cigarettes left. i'm ragging. i'm bitchy. i'm irritated, yet i'm in an incredibly good mood. a good enough one to actually smile in a pic. :: gasp ::
i'm sitting at my new desk in my pj's and a hoodie. watching south park. actually relaxing. shit's been so crazy lately that i haven't really known where i'm going. it caused bullshit between the boy and me. bullshit that .. i can't / won't deal with. i told him from the beginning that i'm busy. he said he was too, asked what we do about it and i responded with, "we do our shit and see each other when we can." to which he replied back with, "Wow. we can do that? nice." now he's got an issue with it. & boy's got an attitude. and gets me to the point where i'm loud. i don't like being loud. at all. it frustrates me. i don't like being frustrated. i don't like my life like that. so now, i'm at the point where i'm questioning if this is worth it, cause it can only get worse, right?
he enjoys it. which gets me even more, i can understand the fact of enjoying to annoy people, cause i do it well and it makes me smile inside. but shouldn't i be the exception?
i'm babbling. maryjane's laying on my arm as i type this. it's becoming difficult.
i actually think i'm done spewing shit.
peace.
they say to get over something, you must talk. but what if talking doesn't conquer anything? what if it only brings more shit to the surface? i'd be ok if the sleeping mind would just let it be. it forces more than necessary out into the waking mind causing one to dwell more than needed. a bit redundant? yes. but that's how it is in my head.
there's so much inside, yet there's nothing.
.. continued a week later.
i didnt pick up last week. i have 4 cigarettes left. i'm ragging. i'm bitchy. i'm irritated, yet i'm in an incredibly good mood. a good enough one to actually smile in a pic. :: gasp ::
i'm sitting at my new desk in my pj's and a hoodie. watching south park. actually relaxing. shit's been so crazy lately that i haven't really known where i'm going. it caused bullshit between the boy and me. bullshit that .. i can't / won't deal with. i told him from the beginning that i'm busy. he said he was too, asked what we do about it and i responded with, "we do our shit and see each other when we can." to which he replied back with, "Wow. we can do that? nice." now he's got an issue with it. & boy's got an attitude. and gets me to the point where i'm loud. i don't like being loud. at all. it frustrates me. i don't like being frustrated. i don't like my life like that. so now, i'm at the point where i'm questioning if this is worth it, cause it can only get worse, right?
he enjoys it. which gets me even more, i can understand the fact of enjoying to annoy people, cause i do it well and it makes me smile inside. but shouldn't i be the exception?
i'm babbling. maryjane's laying on my arm as i type this. it's becoming difficult.
i actually think i'm done spewing shit.
peace.