Wednesdays this semeter = hell
so I woke up at 8:30. class wasn't until 11.
after 2 and a half hours of milling around doing nothing, I had to run to my philosophy discussion. I can tell I am going to hate this class. It's gonna require alot of general thinking but really detailed shit, like fucking riddles and logic so simple anyone would look right past it normally.
next was hebrew/jewish cultural studies. one hour of this class was enough to convince me I had signed up for another blunder this semester. Zeke was in my class though, so I guess that's cool. I get the feeling the kid doesn't like me though, but that could be just because I'm convinced a couple of the guys he lives with don't care for me at all. It's upsetting I guess, but whatever. Not like I have to please all the people all the time. but anyways... this class bored me, but I did bump into Rachel Moy as she headed out of the class. She and I got to talking and Christine Park and her invited me to lunch, but it turned out Christine had to ditch cuz she had something she had to do I guess. Went to Za's with her, got a salad, had some nice conversation, and just took a little bit of a break in my day. I guess they're coming over tomorrow night for beer pong and I'm going over to their house Friday night for the Sassy and Classy White Party or something. Whatever, I don't know if I'm even going to go.
I went to Dennison and had a two hour class in sociology. We're gonna be studying demographics and how they affect America and society and politics and environments, etc. Sounds kinda fun, pretty relative to advertising, so I'm pumped for that. I still need to go to the career counseling center and get advice on what major I should declare to go into advertising though. Anyways, that ended half an hour early so I went to the fishbowl and killed time there checking mail and shit.
Went to my political science discussion where clearly my GSI has no idea of how he's gonna run the class. god, this semester...
already since I've been here, I haven't been feeling like myself. It's like I've got a stone in my shoe that I can't get out and it's just bugging the shit out of me. I feel like alot of my friends don't care about me and aren't concerned for me in the littlest bit. Sure, the guys in the house care about me, but it sure as fuck would be nice to have a few good friends outside of the house contact me once in a while and say "hey, whats going on? how's everything goin? wanna come over tonight and chill/drink/go out for a bite/whatever?" and I know it's early in the year and those friends will probably just come with more time, but I feel like I'm alone here in Ann Arbor. And it's not just the fact that I don't have a girlfriend. I'm not gonna bullshit and say that I'm over the whole searching thing because if I did say that, I'd just be lieing to myself. I know I'm still analyzing girls thinking "I wonder if she likes me like I hope she does". Even just by appearances, which is just downright shallow. But hey, since I realize it, I can begin to fix it.
I think I'm gonna go and work out tomorrow after classes are done. I finish at 11, so I'll have the whole day.
except for meeting Shannon at 2:45 to check out the parking space on S. Forest for our car, but if I'm late, I say fuck it, she can wait for me. She borrowed the car tonight as I was heading out to Kavita's with Jeremy to go over and eat pizza/fail at studying/watch 40 yr old virgin. Had to go out of our way to drive by her house and give her specific instructions to lock my door when she got the keys to the car because my room door was locked, leave the key in my mailbox, find a place to park it on S. Forest whenever she got back, keep the keys to the car LIKE SHE SAID SHE SHOULD HAVE and I'll come home and all would be dandy.
got home at 10 tired, bored, disappointed with the night, no key in the mailbox. door locked. shannon doesn't pick up her phone for half an hour. finally reaching her, she demands I walk there to get the key cuz she doesnt wanna drive over to give me the keys and drive her back and keep the keys to the car, contradicting the entire fucking plan. I walk over with Alex Yu who even with a fucked up face from being piss drunk last Saturday, is coming back from a date that went really well. woop de doo, alex. tell me more of how everything is going so well for you? no, don't ask me how I'm doing. not like anyone really means it when they ask anyways. they just wanna hear "good", "meh", or "not so good". Even with the latter, they try to duck further comment. I get to her apartment finally and ask her in a pissed tone why she didn't follow the plan at all and she gave me a bullshit reason in front of our mutual friend. I said whatever, turned and walked out, and started to say "see you tomorrow in polisci, rachel" only to be cut off by a door slamming in my face pushed by my sister. fuck that, I heard her bitching about me out the window and through the door as I walked off to the car. parked, came back in to the house, whipped up a menu for food plan next week, and here I am.
I think I'll just do a little reading, have a good cry and go to sleep. I don't know if it's too good a thing, but I've been crying more lately. And I know it doesn't solve anything and alot of people might think of me as weak for doing it and that it's not okay for guys to cry and I thought I was past all of this bullshit, but I guess I was wrong. I've been putting on the same old songs and falling asleep to them with wet pillows underhead. But hey, I suppose it's better than holding it all in, right? Fuck, whatever. I'm done.
after 2 and a half hours of milling around doing nothing, I had to run to my philosophy discussion. I can tell I am going to hate this class. It's gonna require alot of general thinking but really detailed shit, like fucking riddles and logic so simple anyone would look right past it normally.
next was hebrew/jewish cultural studies. one hour of this class was enough to convince me I had signed up for another blunder this semester. Zeke was in my class though, so I guess that's cool. I get the feeling the kid doesn't like me though, but that could be just because I'm convinced a couple of the guys he lives with don't care for me at all. It's upsetting I guess, but whatever. Not like I have to please all the people all the time. but anyways... this class bored me, but I did bump into Rachel Moy as she headed out of the class. She and I got to talking and Christine Park and her invited me to lunch, but it turned out Christine had to ditch cuz she had something she had to do I guess. Went to Za's with her, got a salad, had some nice conversation, and just took a little bit of a break in my day. I guess they're coming over tomorrow night for beer pong and I'm going over to their house Friday night for the Sassy and Classy White Party or something. Whatever, I don't know if I'm even going to go.
I went to Dennison and had a two hour class in sociology. We're gonna be studying demographics and how they affect America and society and politics and environments, etc. Sounds kinda fun, pretty relative to advertising, so I'm pumped for that. I still need to go to the career counseling center and get advice on what major I should declare to go into advertising though. Anyways, that ended half an hour early so I went to the fishbowl and killed time there checking mail and shit.
Went to my political science discussion where clearly my GSI has no idea of how he's gonna run the class. god, this semester...
already since I've been here, I haven't been feeling like myself. It's like I've got a stone in my shoe that I can't get out and it's just bugging the shit out of me. I feel like alot of my friends don't care about me and aren't concerned for me in the littlest bit. Sure, the guys in the house care about me, but it sure as fuck would be nice to have a few good friends outside of the house contact me once in a while and say "hey, whats going on? how's everything goin? wanna come over tonight and chill/drink/go out for a bite/whatever?" and I know it's early in the year and those friends will probably just come with more time, but I feel like I'm alone here in Ann Arbor. And it's not just the fact that I don't have a girlfriend. I'm not gonna bullshit and say that I'm over the whole searching thing because if I did say that, I'd just be lieing to myself. I know I'm still analyzing girls thinking "I wonder if she likes me like I hope she does". Even just by appearances, which is just downright shallow. But hey, since I realize it, I can begin to fix it.
I think I'm gonna go and work out tomorrow after classes are done. I finish at 11, so I'll have the whole day.
except for meeting Shannon at 2:45 to check out the parking space on S. Forest for our car, but if I'm late, I say fuck it, she can wait for me. She borrowed the car tonight as I was heading out to Kavita's with Jeremy to go over and eat pizza/fail at studying/watch 40 yr old virgin. Had to go out of our way to drive by her house and give her specific instructions to lock my door when she got the keys to the car because my room door was locked, leave the key in my mailbox, find a place to park it on S. Forest whenever she got back, keep the keys to the car LIKE SHE SAID SHE SHOULD HAVE and I'll come home and all would be dandy.
got home at 10 tired, bored, disappointed with the night, no key in the mailbox. door locked. shannon doesn't pick up her phone for half an hour. finally reaching her, she demands I walk there to get the key cuz she doesnt wanna drive over to give me the keys and drive her back and keep the keys to the car, contradicting the entire fucking plan. I walk over with Alex Yu who even with a fucked up face from being piss drunk last Saturday, is coming back from a date that went really well. woop de doo, alex. tell me more of how everything is going so well for you? no, don't ask me how I'm doing. not like anyone really means it when they ask anyways. they just wanna hear "good", "meh", or "not so good". Even with the latter, they try to duck further comment. I get to her apartment finally and ask her in a pissed tone why she didn't follow the plan at all and she gave me a bullshit reason in front of our mutual friend. I said whatever, turned and walked out, and started to say "see you tomorrow in polisci, rachel" only to be cut off by a door slamming in my face pushed by my sister. fuck that, I heard her bitching about me out the window and through the door as I walked off to the car. parked, came back in to the house, whipped up a menu for food plan next week, and here I am.
I think I'll just do a little reading, have a good cry and go to sleep. I don't know if it's too good a thing, but I've been crying more lately. And I know it doesn't solve anything and alot of people might think of me as weak for doing it and that it's not okay for guys to cry and I thought I was past all of this bullshit, but I guess I was wrong. I've been putting on the same old songs and falling asleep to them with wet pillows underhead. But hey, I suppose it's better than holding it all in, right? Fuck, whatever. I'm done.