Where are we now?

[fingertrouble]

Click to view

Indeed, where are we, as Bowie once put it.

The answer is, I don't know.

Not being dramatic, but as someone who next month is probably going to have my official status as self-employed pulled by the DWP (our benefits agency that helped me go onto the enterprise scheme I am on that started just before the pandemic) - or indeed forced to 'look for

Comments

[fingertrouble]

I am not diagnosed but suspect I am borderline - friends - in fact someone who used to be on here regularly and I met here - has an autistic son who the longform tests online diagnoses correctly, and I score borderline on those proper spectrum tests. One of my closest and oldest friends is definitely neurodivergent and I think on the spectrum - he wants to be tested.

I tend to not stay angry with people, even people who have really wronged me for long. It's just too exhausting and I can't stay angry forever. That's where I tend to differ I think. This is less 'I am angry with them' and more 'WTF you stayed really angry with me for years for no reason and no contact? Run Away!' which I think is a reasonable response.

John is most definitely on the spectrum, as was my mother I think, both undiagnosed but my mother was 'cold' and hated physical contact but scarily intelligent and very analytical, she did system analysis for a living during the 70's. She was the only person I didn't really get on with like this, although you can read my past posts re: John, it's nothing like this or her. Fractious is one thing, there is a reason for our arguments, but not this or her.

Weirdly I tend to get on with people who are ND more (apart from my mother), the 'eccentric' folk. A lot more, I tend to date people who are at least nerdy/geeky and tend to be friends with same. A lot of DJs are either on the spectrum or close I find, Ditto coding/techy friends.

That sounds like the same person, which is why I commented here, I know others know this situation as I've raised it privately with them.

It's weird and I didn't want to raise it (LJ drama!) hence my first post here about being wary....but I do actually feel hesitant opening up here a little because I don't want him to drop by (even though they are blocked, I guess there are ways...).

It's mostly the boyfriend, he basically harrased me on FB about 8-10 years ago when I was trying to be friendly and make peace, and other places since when he's popped up, hence the proactive block. There is projection issues with the other guy, if it's the same but nowhere near that level of scariness and hatred that never fades of his bf.

Hence why I kept away from LJ mostly, and kept it locked down when I posted, because I didn't want to interact with him and the whole thing? I spent years wondering what I did, and it seems to be basically nothing, disagreeing with him over politics - yes I know that can go south, but things were weird before that and I tried apologising when my jokey comments came off wrong and was never accepted.

The political thing was more a thing where he posted bait about Israel then didn't turn off comments yet asked people not to comment. I stupidly did taking the bait, and I think it was more violating that strange power game/blog ettitquette that earned this eternal damnation rather than what I said? It was definitely an intentional trap.