Is It Enough To Say I'm Sorry - Supernatural
Title: Is It Enough To Say I'm Sorry
Pairing: Sam/Dean if you squint and look sideways
Rating: G (So much so it hurts.)
Word count: 611
Warnings: Vaguely incestuous undertones of a slashy nature
Disclaimer: If I owned them, all the double rooms in the country would be mysteriously unavailable. But alas, I do not.
Summary: A post-ep for 'Faith'. Dean visits Marshall Hall's grave. (600 word ficlet.)
Author's Notes: This just sort of came to me when I was rewatching 'Faith' the other day. I hope you like it. Oh, and I took the liberty of filling in the name of the town in Nebraska that they went to. As far as I could tell they never actually specified. If I'm wrong please correct me.
Is It Enough To Say I'm Sorry
Dean stood in a quiet cemetery on the outskirts of Littleton Nebraska, shoulders hunched against the cold that seemed to freeze him from the inside. The air around him was harsh and wet, seeping into his skin; nothing moved in the small enclosure of stone walls that separated the Hall family plot from the rest of the cemetery. No birds sang, no wind stirred the tall oak trees.
Dean stared down at the newly covered grave, its too-white headstone solemnly spelling out the life and death of Marshall Hall. The flowers in front of the stone were fresh, and candles and notes from friends and family littered the area surrounding it.
Dean crouched next to the grave, his fingers carefully grazing the letters that professed Marshall a good man, a good son and brother. “You’ll never know how sorry I am.” He whispered to the silence, wondering if there was anything left of Marshall to hear. “I never wanted this to happen. I was ready to die.”
He sighed and looked up to darkening sky in the east. They were leaving soon; Sam had found a job for them in the Northwest, and they were preparing to move on, packing up and leaving again as if nothing had ever happened.
“But see…” Dean said to the chill dusk air. “I think that… if I had the choice to do it again… I think I would. And I hate myself for that. More than I could ever say but… you see, it’s my brother. He needs me.”
Dean ran a hand over his face and dropped his eyes back to the gravestone. “I didn’t think he did. I thought he… you know, that he would be glad to be free again. He could go back to school after the demon was dead and not have to worry about his big brother coming by to ruin everything again.
“But I was wrong. He still needs me. Even if it’s just because of Jess, even if it’s just to kill the demon… that’s enough for me. And I hate it. I hate that I… that I would do anything for him. But I would. I always have and I always will.
“Even if it’s wrong, I’d give anything for him. Even an innocent life. And that scares the shit out of me, but it’s true.
“I’m sorry you had to die, I really am. If it was just for me, I never would have let it happen. But it was for Sam. And… and he’s worth it.”
Dean stood and stared down at the grave that should have been his. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered to the cold, hard stone.
He didn’t look back as he walked away from the silent graveyard. Didn’t think of Marshall Hall or his family who mourned him. He only thought about Sam and how badly he had needed Dean to be healed. He thought of the look of despair on Sam’s face when Dean had made jokes in the hospital. The heartbreaking hope he had felt at the thought that Dean could be saved, and the shear joy when it had been true.
He thought of the way his little brother had climbed into his bed the night they found out about Marshall Hall. How Sam had wrapped his arms around him too tightly, his body trembling with fear in the darkness. “I’m not sorry.” He had whispered into Dean’s ear, hot breath ghosting over his face as Sam pulled him close, one large hand resting over Dean’s steady heartbeat. “I’m not sorry.”
And that was enough for Dean.
END
- Meagan
Pairing: Sam/Dean if you squint and look sideways
Rating: G (So much so it hurts.)
Word count: 611
Warnings: Vaguely incestuous undertones of a slashy nature
Disclaimer: If I owned them, all the double rooms in the country would be mysteriously unavailable. But alas, I do not.
Summary: A post-ep for 'Faith'. Dean visits Marshall Hall's grave. (600 word ficlet.)
Author's Notes: This just sort of came to me when I was rewatching 'Faith' the other day. I hope you like it. Oh, and I took the liberty of filling in the name of the town in Nebraska that they went to. As far as I could tell they never actually specified. If I'm wrong please correct me.
Is It Enough To Say I'm Sorry
Dean stood in a quiet cemetery on the outskirts of Littleton Nebraska, shoulders hunched against the cold that seemed to freeze him from the inside. The air around him was harsh and wet, seeping into his skin; nothing moved in the small enclosure of stone walls that separated the Hall family plot from the rest of the cemetery. No birds sang, no wind stirred the tall oak trees.
Dean stared down at the newly covered grave, its too-white headstone solemnly spelling out the life and death of Marshall Hall. The flowers in front of the stone were fresh, and candles and notes from friends and family littered the area surrounding it.
Dean crouched next to the grave, his fingers carefully grazing the letters that professed Marshall a good man, a good son and brother. “You’ll never know how sorry I am.” He whispered to the silence, wondering if there was anything left of Marshall to hear. “I never wanted this to happen. I was ready to die.”
He sighed and looked up to darkening sky in the east. They were leaving soon; Sam had found a job for them in the Northwest, and they were preparing to move on, packing up and leaving again as if nothing had ever happened.
“But see…” Dean said to the chill dusk air. “I think that… if I had the choice to do it again… I think I would. And I hate myself for that. More than I could ever say but… you see, it’s my brother. He needs me.”
Dean ran a hand over his face and dropped his eyes back to the gravestone. “I didn’t think he did. I thought he… you know, that he would be glad to be free again. He could go back to school after the demon was dead and not have to worry about his big brother coming by to ruin everything again.
“But I was wrong. He still needs me. Even if it’s just because of Jess, even if it’s just to kill the demon… that’s enough for me. And I hate it. I hate that I… that I would do anything for him. But I would. I always have and I always will.
“Even if it’s wrong, I’d give anything for him. Even an innocent life. And that scares the shit out of me, but it’s true.
“I’m sorry you had to die, I really am. If it was just for me, I never would have let it happen. But it was for Sam. And… and he’s worth it.”
Dean stood and stared down at the grave that should have been his. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered to the cold, hard stone.
He didn’t look back as he walked away from the silent graveyard. Didn’t think of Marshall Hall or his family who mourned him. He only thought about Sam and how badly he had needed Dean to be healed. He thought of the look of despair on Sam’s face when Dean had made jokes in the hospital. The heartbreaking hope he had felt at the thought that Dean could be saved, and the shear joy when it had been true.
He thought of the way his little brother had climbed into his bed the night they found out about Marshall Hall. How Sam had wrapped his arms around him too tightly, his body trembling with fear in the darkness. “I’m not sorry.” He had whispered into Dean’s ear, hot breath ghosting over his face as Sam pulled him close, one large hand resting over Dean’s steady heartbeat. “I’m not sorry.”
And that was enough for Dean.
END
- Meagan