Biotechnology & Kicking Puppies (For Fun And Sport!)
Job hunting sucks. Because the economy sucks. Because Governor Romney sucks. Seriously. His whole freaking platform was about bringing jobs to Massachusetts. There are no more jobs. There are inflated housing costs and a mass exodus, which you would think would mean job openings, but mostly just translates into outsourcing to India. Not that I have anything against India. Well, actually, I do have quite a few issues with Indian politics and social restrictions, but my love for Shabana Azmi makes me forget about them. Occasionally. Except for when I'm job hunting and find out that forty-eight Indians will work for the price of... well, me.
Actually, I shouldn't blame Governor Romney. After all, he did such a wonderful job organizing the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City... Well, he did a wonderful job overseeing the people who did all the work to make sure the Olympics went off without a hitch. Actually, he did a wonderful job overseeing the people who oversaw the people who made sure the Olympics went off without a hitch. Although, now that I think about it, he probably just played golf and boozed it up while everyone else busted their asses. The hell with Romney. I think we should hire that woman who organized the Summer Olympic in Greece. Remember her? They fired her early on, then realized they were screwed and rehired her three months before the Opening Ceremonies. Brilliant, that woman.
And, on further reflection, I can't say that Romney hasn't brought any jobs to Massachusetts. After all, he is largely responsible for bringing that biotechnology lab to South Boston. You know, that research lab where scientists will hunt for vaccines and drugs, and will work with some of the world's deadliest viruses and bacteria, such as Ebola, anthrax, and plague... Which... fun! Right? Because worrying about the Nuke Plant that's a stone's throw away is just so passé. Now I can glow in the dark and have my flesh eaten by Ebola. Variety truly is the spice of life.
So I've been looking elsewhere in the country for a job. Like the South. Which... *shudders* There are jobs to be had in the South. Unfortunately, the South also contains Southerners. Odd, I know, but true. Not that I have anything against Southerners. Well, except for their politics and social restrictions, which... huh. Why does that sound familiar? Oh, right. India. Anyway. The thought of living in a Red State fills me with horror. I would rather work at Wal-Mart for all eternity than face working in the South for a decade.
The West I could handle. At least, that was what I thought before actually going there. I've been there before, but only on vacation, not as a long-term prospective. There are also jobs to be had in California. Boring jobs with long hours and low pay, but still... California is a lovely place to visit. Mostly because I know I'll be going home. It's sort of like playing with my niece - I enjoy her all the more, because I know that eventually she'll go away. The first few days in California are always incredible. The weather's nice, the people are friendly, and there's plenty to do. After that, you realize that you miss the snow, start to suspect that the people are all hopped up on happy pills, and wonder why you can't distinguish one art gallery from another.
God, people are happy in California. I know many say that people from Massachusetts are cold and unfriendly, but... dear god. Some Californian high school students actually get credit for going to therapy. What the hell is up with that? Is everyone really happy or just completely brainwashed? My high school guidance counselor couldn't remember my name when my file was open in front of him, and I liked it that way. Hell. I didn't want him to look into my file, let alone my psyche...
I think the East Coast, West Coast thing really boils down to philosophy. By which I mean - People in California will say that if you go around kicking puppies, it's because your mother never loved you. People in Massachusetts will say that your mother never loved you because you went around kicking puppies. I prefer the latter. It feels a little more honest to me. Eh. Maybe I'm just a vicious little New Englander, desperately in need of some therapy. At any rate, the thought of having to live in an "I'm OK, You're OK!" culture nauseates me. I much prefer my "I'm OK, and why the hell should I care how you are?" culture.
Maybe I should scrap the white-collar search and become an assassin. Or a bank robber. Criminal Mastermind sounds like a fun job. I wonder where you have to start... Do you need a sidekick to become a Criminal Mastermind, or do you get one after you achieve the title? Do you have to kill a certain number of people, or rob a certain number of vaults? Huh. I should look into it. Maybe I'll pull a Lucy Diamond, and start by sinking Australia...
Actually, I shouldn't blame Governor Romney. After all, he did such a wonderful job organizing the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City... Well, he did a wonderful job overseeing the people who did all the work to make sure the Olympics went off without a hitch. Actually, he did a wonderful job overseeing the people who oversaw the people who made sure the Olympics went off without a hitch. Although, now that I think about it, he probably just played golf and boozed it up while everyone else busted their asses. The hell with Romney. I think we should hire that woman who organized the Summer Olympic in Greece. Remember her? They fired her early on, then realized they were screwed and rehired her three months before the Opening Ceremonies. Brilliant, that woman.
And, on further reflection, I can't say that Romney hasn't brought any jobs to Massachusetts. After all, he is largely responsible for bringing that biotechnology lab to South Boston. You know, that research lab where scientists will hunt for vaccines and drugs, and will work with some of the world's deadliest viruses and bacteria, such as Ebola, anthrax, and plague... Which... fun! Right? Because worrying about the Nuke Plant that's a stone's throw away is just so passé. Now I can glow in the dark and have my flesh eaten by Ebola. Variety truly is the spice of life.
So I've been looking elsewhere in the country for a job. Like the South. Which... *shudders* There are jobs to be had in the South. Unfortunately, the South also contains Southerners. Odd, I know, but true. Not that I have anything against Southerners. Well, except for their politics and social restrictions, which... huh. Why does that sound familiar? Oh, right. India. Anyway. The thought of living in a Red State fills me with horror. I would rather work at Wal-Mart for all eternity than face working in the South for a decade.
The West I could handle. At least, that was what I thought before actually going there. I've been there before, but only on vacation, not as a long-term prospective. There are also jobs to be had in California. Boring jobs with long hours and low pay, but still... California is a lovely place to visit. Mostly because I know I'll be going home. It's sort of like playing with my niece - I enjoy her all the more, because I know that eventually she'll go away. The first few days in California are always incredible. The weather's nice, the people are friendly, and there's plenty to do. After that, you realize that you miss the snow, start to suspect that the people are all hopped up on happy pills, and wonder why you can't distinguish one art gallery from another.
God, people are happy in California. I know many say that people from Massachusetts are cold and unfriendly, but... dear god. Some Californian high school students actually get credit for going to therapy. What the hell is up with that? Is everyone really happy or just completely brainwashed? My high school guidance counselor couldn't remember my name when my file was open in front of him, and I liked it that way. Hell. I didn't want him to look into my file, let alone my psyche...
I think the East Coast, West Coast thing really boils down to philosophy. By which I mean - People in California will say that if you go around kicking puppies, it's because your mother never loved you. People in Massachusetts will say that your mother never loved you because you went around kicking puppies. I prefer the latter. It feels a little more honest to me. Eh. Maybe I'm just a vicious little New Englander, desperately in need of some therapy. At any rate, the thought of having to live in an "I'm OK, You're OK!" culture nauseates me. I much prefer my "I'm OK, and why the hell should I care how you are?" culture.
Maybe I should scrap the white-collar search and become an assassin. Or a bank robber. Criminal Mastermind sounds like a fun job. I wonder where you have to start... Do you need a sidekick to become a Criminal Mastermind, or do you get one after you achieve the title? Do you have to kill a certain number of people, or rob a certain number of vaults? Huh. I should look into it. Maybe I'll pull a Lucy Diamond, and start by sinking Australia...