Warning! Glass Slippers May Cause Blisters.
Lexi and I have been taking a course called Kiss Sleeping Beauty Goodbye: Fairy Tales and Feminism. Lexi wanted to take it because she liked the feminism bit, and I wanted to take it because... actually, I didn't want to take it. But Lexi pinched me until I agreed to go with her. The course is actually kind of fun, but that's probably because I don't take it seriously.
Anyway. I had to write a paper on "whatever you want about fairy tales." I hate it when professors assign papers like that. I usually retaliate by writing a complex essay about the most inane aspect of the topic there is. But this time I had a theme all set to go, thanks to a short film called Sleeping Beauties. Particularly, the opening dialog:
Girl: Mommy, if Sleeping Beauty was sleeping, why did the Prince kiss her?
Mother: Maybe he was a date rapist, honey.
Basically, the essay was one long, elaborate diatribe about sexism and societal brainwashing. That whole "someday my Prince will come" drivel. I got my paper back today, and the professor's comments read: Excellent. Intriguing. Your thought process is unsettling - talk to me after class. So now my professor thinks I'm a psychopath. Yay me?
For our Final, we have to come up with a retelling or elaboration of a fairy tale we've discussed in class. I'm thinking about writing about what happens after the Fairy Tale Weddings. Like when Cinderella realizes the Prince spends twice as long fixing his hair than she does hers. Or when the Prince looks over the Realm Times one morning and goes, "Dude, why is my wife talking to that mouse?" Or maybe I'll write about how Snow White gets to thinking about her Prince's necrophiliac tendencies, while her Prince realizes that she was shacked up with seven men and kills her in a jealous rage.
On the other hand, I could just queer up the stories. It is a feminist class, after all. Cinderella's Fairy Godmother could be a fabulous drag queen. Or maybe Snow White's stepmother should be the one in drag... I can definitely see a drag queen in front of the Magic Mirror vamping the "Who is the fairest of them all?"
I suppose Cinderella and Snow White could meet at an Inter-Realm Disco Ball, throw their husbands over, and run away together. Or Sleeping Beauty could trade the 100 year nap for an S&M tryst with the evil fairy Maleficent. The Frog Prince could turn out to be a Frog Princess, or Beauty's Beast could just be a really hairy feminist dyke.
Rapunzel could hack off her hair (in a fit of butchness) and make a ladder of it.
Little Red Riding Hood? That's just a joke in and of itself.
Goldilocks could bring Mama Bear a Honeypot (Go Fish!) as an apology.
Ariel has a fondness for fish... (Sorry.)
Gretle could ask the witch to eat her instead of Hansel. (What?)
There are just way too many options. Maybe I should do a bunch of vignettes. I could make up an original character to weave the plots together. That could work. Maybe I can even kill off my narrator in a sort of homage to Into The Woods... In that story, the characters feed their narrator to the Giant's wife, who's pretty pissed at Jack for offing her husband...
Narrator: You need an objective observer to pass the story along!
Witch: Some of us don't like the way you've been telling it.
At any rate, I have to have a snarky witch. Damn. So many decisions... Hee. This is going to be fun!
Anyway. I had to write a paper on "whatever you want about fairy tales." I hate it when professors assign papers like that. I usually retaliate by writing a complex essay about the most inane aspect of the topic there is. But this time I had a theme all set to go, thanks to a short film called Sleeping Beauties. Particularly, the opening dialog:
Girl: Mommy, if Sleeping Beauty was sleeping, why did the Prince kiss her?
Mother: Maybe he was a date rapist, honey.
Basically, the essay was one long, elaborate diatribe about sexism and societal brainwashing. That whole "someday my Prince will come" drivel. I got my paper back today, and the professor's comments read: Excellent. Intriguing. Your thought process is unsettling - talk to me after class. So now my professor thinks I'm a psychopath. Yay me?
For our Final, we have to come up with a retelling or elaboration of a fairy tale we've discussed in class. I'm thinking about writing about what happens after the Fairy Tale Weddings. Like when Cinderella realizes the Prince spends twice as long fixing his hair than she does hers. Or when the Prince looks over the Realm Times one morning and goes, "Dude, why is my wife talking to that mouse?" Or maybe I'll write about how Snow White gets to thinking about her Prince's necrophiliac tendencies, while her Prince realizes that she was shacked up with seven men and kills her in a jealous rage.
On the other hand, I could just queer up the stories. It is a feminist class, after all. Cinderella's Fairy Godmother could be a fabulous drag queen. Or maybe Snow White's stepmother should be the one in drag... I can definitely see a drag queen in front of the Magic Mirror vamping the "Who is the fairest of them all?"
I suppose Cinderella and Snow White could meet at an Inter-Realm Disco Ball, throw their husbands over, and run away together. Or Sleeping Beauty could trade the 100 year nap for an S&M tryst with the evil fairy Maleficent. The Frog Prince could turn out to be a Frog Princess, or Beauty's Beast could just be a really hairy feminist dyke.
Rapunzel could hack off her hair (in a fit of butchness) and make a ladder of it.
Little Red Riding Hood? That's just a joke in and of itself.
Goldilocks could bring Mama Bear a Honeypot (Go Fish!) as an apology.
Ariel has a fondness for fish... (Sorry.)
Gretle could ask the witch to eat her instead of Hansel. (What?)
There are just way too many options. Maybe I should do a bunch of vignettes. I could make up an original character to weave the plots together. That could work. Maybe I can even kill off my narrator in a sort of homage to Into The Woods... In that story, the characters feed their narrator to the Giant's wife, who's pretty pissed at Jack for offing her husband...
Narrator: You need an objective observer to pass the story along!
Witch: Some of us don't like the way you've been telling it.
At any rate, I have to have a snarky witch. Damn. So many decisions... Hee. This is going to be fun!