(no subject)
the last time i felt this emotionally drained i found out my mother had cancer. prior to that, it was probably 2+ years ago when i got dumped for the first time ever. i have a headache from crying too much and a sense of helplessness resting like thick cotton in my stomach.
i just watched real women have curves and the main character reminded me an awful lot of my best friend in junior high. her name was sonia and i wore a turquoise dress and danced the waltz at her quinceanera (although, strangely, i think she was only like 12 at the time). i still have pictures of myself with fake flowers pinned in my hair and turquoise pumps dyed-to-match.
saw 28 days later on friday, spent the entire time with my face stuck to j's shirt sleeve. overall enjoyed it even though i was trembling when we left and probably could have done without a few choice images, most notably involving the main character's thumbs (don't worry, not giving it away).
started reading the heart is deceitful above all things which has so far mostly just succeeded in depressing me. despite the fucked-up-ness of sarah, there seemed to be some optimism there, and some definite entertainment, which so far just really hasn't presented itself in this new one. i used to feel jealous of his young success but now i mostly just feel sad for him. wherever it is he's come from, it was not a good place.
otherwise, am sewing. thinking of taking a pattern making class. getting things together for san francisco on wednesday. eating a lot of apple pie ice cream to waylay my feelings of worthlessness. also teriyaki tofu stir-fry, which is like one of the three things i can make with any success (2: cheese enchiladas, 3: cupcakes). did a bunch of unnecessary shopping over the weekend and now own pants too large to publicly admit the size of. also some shirts that will finally give a few unseen skirts a chance to glimpse the light of day.
i would have stained my coffee table and worked on a silkscreen today (hey hey, next big thing), but i spent the morning arguing instead. also, my best friend (one of four now, i guess) is living in a truck with a boy and a pit bull somewhere in northern california and i don't know when i'll hear from her or see her again. i feel like a piece of paper somebody dumped a glass of water on.
i just watched real women have curves and the main character reminded me an awful lot of my best friend in junior high. her name was sonia and i wore a turquoise dress and danced the waltz at her quinceanera (although, strangely, i think she was only like 12 at the time). i still have pictures of myself with fake flowers pinned in my hair and turquoise pumps dyed-to-match.
saw 28 days later on friday, spent the entire time with my face stuck to j's shirt sleeve. overall enjoyed it even though i was trembling when we left and probably could have done without a few choice images, most notably involving the main character's thumbs (don't worry, not giving it away).
started reading the heart is deceitful above all things which has so far mostly just succeeded in depressing me. despite the fucked-up-ness of sarah, there seemed to be some optimism there, and some definite entertainment, which so far just really hasn't presented itself in this new one. i used to feel jealous of his young success but now i mostly just feel sad for him. wherever it is he's come from, it was not a good place.
otherwise, am sewing. thinking of taking a pattern making class. getting things together for san francisco on wednesday. eating a lot of apple pie ice cream to waylay my feelings of worthlessness. also teriyaki tofu stir-fry, which is like one of the three things i can make with any success (2: cheese enchiladas, 3: cupcakes). did a bunch of unnecessary shopping over the weekend and now own pants too large to publicly admit the size of. also some shirts that will finally give a few unseen skirts a chance to glimpse the light of day.
i would have stained my coffee table and worked on a silkscreen today (hey hey, next big thing), but i spent the morning arguing instead. also, my best friend (one of four now, i guess) is living in a truck with a boy and a pit bull somewhere in northern california and i don't know when i'll hear from her or see her again. i feel like a piece of paper somebody dumped a glass of water on.