and i swear i may rest my head tonight..
I am okay. My busy work day has been spent looking though all of my friends' journals individually....most of which stopped writing after 2005. There were so many I wanted to comment on but I knew it would never get to them...some of them I could even call instead but they would have no idea what I was referencing. Day is quiet.
Carol slept across the hall last night. Very odd. She is miserably sick and didn't want to disturb me throughout the night since I had to get up for work. Didn't work so well because I kept waking up every hour or so. I hope she gets better soon. Her fever has gone down so thats something...or at least it was down last night.
I was a wee bit emotional this morning..completely by accident too. I have terribly dry skin and am using a mixture of oil and lotion as a cleanser twice a day. So I was looking up other solutions for it and apparently flat out oil is the best I can do but something was listing causes of dry skin and there it was again: Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Yay. So I read about it and I found it quite sad. Apparently how normal ovaries work is they swell up with liquid and there are a bunch of eggs in this liquid pouch and one of them grows to maturity and bursts the cyst and it starts ovulation. With PCOS none of the eggs ever reach maturity so more cysts just keep building with few of them ever completing the cycle. I thought it was sad. And of course there is no cure...no real treatment. You can go on birth control to regulate your period and try to help with the acne. Or you can take fertility medications to try to get pregnant. Or you can take hair loss medicine for men but then you shouldn't try to get pregnant. Basically there is nothing that works for everythign..that allows you to have children and stops everythign else. Here I thought I just might have to take estrogen. nope. Then of course the further health problems as I get older. The only non medicated way to help is basically to lose weight..because apparently that is another issue is being obese, although they acknowledge that it happens in non obese women as well. So if I eat better and get exercise maybe I'll be just fine.....it just made me sad.....and i kept getting flashes to the electrolocist adn the dermotologists telling me that there is nothing they can do I must have a hormonal issue and looking at me like a freak. yay just what ever 16 year old girl looooves to hear.
in any case its almost four o'clock which means i get to go home in half an hour. i called the pharmacy and they said they would fax my doctor and to call back tomorrow to see if my doctor called them to authorize more seizure medication for me because i only had 20 left on my prescription. luckily i do actually have enough pills to get me to tuesday...so they better have it then...and not charge me twice because i am not paying full price for 20 pills just to have to turn around and pay full price for 100 more.
i so have done nothing today. i have....two un bids due tomorrow....and one sddc bid due that i am actually going to do myself because the price i got back does not match anywhere close even with a 20% commission what i received from our supplier.
today was the day teh woman I am temping for was supposed to come back. technically. but she isn't here. we haven't heard from her since the first week of november. last i heard she was telling hr that she will be coming back a week later and to take the time off as vacation not yet accrued. we haven't heard whether she got the notice that was supposed to be sent to her stating that she has a new boss and cannot use vacation she hasn't accrued yet and that she needs to give us a specific date she is coming back. i'm not an idiot. i realize my boss is being a dick. and i am very afraid that one day he won't like me anymore and be a dick to me as well. especially when i hear him talk to her on the phone to her...he's so nice and understanding to her...its a little scary. but then talking to her she didn't hide her dislike of him at all to me.
oh yeah as far as my brain goes i had my medication upped and so far everything is going fine. which is why i only had 20 pills this round...instead of taking 4 a day i am taking 6 a day so that 120 that was supposed to be used this month got used last month. but i seem to be doing find with my memory. and i'm not twitching more than normal at night anymore i don't think which is good. i feel so terrible for that. for almost a month carol couldn't sleep at night, then she couldn't sleep during the day either...becasue she was afraid for my brain.
we have been together five years...it will be 6 in april. while she was out of town i went though our box of all of our cards and letters and pictures and movie stubs and greyhound tickets. i put hte letters in chronological order...even read some. and i came on here and read the entries from right before we met to maybe a year in. i hated my family and i needed her more than breath itself. i was fighting everything i had taken away from my relationship with lauren about being self sufficient and powerful and mainting my individuality in a relationship with how much i needed her and wanted to curl up inside her and run away to live our peaceful life where the world couldn't touch us and we would laugh and dance and talk and make love everyday all day until we died. there was no joy without her and nothing but bliss with her. crying in a grocery store buying food for the week left we had together living in the dorm before we had to face the world apart. and now...now shes sick and whining, dying and begging me to fix her like a little kid. i'm at work and still want to avoid my family from time to time, especially when i haven't spent enough time with carol and my parents haven't been drinking enough. we're straining now, bracing for the rest of the time we will be here, however long that may be, hoping it doesn't tear us apart. stupid winter. we probably could do with some more dancing and making love all day (despite the awkwardness living across the hall from my parents), sometimes we run out of things to talk about but never out of things to make each other laugh..even if it is just poke-a-tongue. i am still so happy and in love, wishing i had more money and less debt so we could get a place of our own where our poor kittens aren't sequestered to the basement. we are lucky and even during our rough patches, which there have been a few of, and during raging tempers flaring out at innocent parties, i think we will make it. we aren't perfect, but we are as close as i've seen compared to the couples in our world...lauren and erika are a close second. (yay i can't offend anyone on here because none of our couple friends read this! yahoo) oh and ryan and jen...they are good too.
another bid just came in...i should do my job or something.
Carol slept across the hall last night. Very odd. She is miserably sick and didn't want to disturb me throughout the night since I had to get up for work. Didn't work so well because I kept waking up every hour or so. I hope she gets better soon. Her fever has gone down so thats something...or at least it was down last night.
I was a wee bit emotional this morning..completely by accident too. I have terribly dry skin and am using a mixture of oil and lotion as a cleanser twice a day. So I was looking up other solutions for it and apparently flat out oil is the best I can do but something was listing causes of dry skin and there it was again: Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Yay. So I read about it and I found it quite sad. Apparently how normal ovaries work is they swell up with liquid and there are a bunch of eggs in this liquid pouch and one of them grows to maturity and bursts the cyst and it starts ovulation. With PCOS none of the eggs ever reach maturity so more cysts just keep building with few of them ever completing the cycle. I thought it was sad. And of course there is no cure...no real treatment. You can go on birth control to regulate your period and try to help with the acne. Or you can take fertility medications to try to get pregnant. Or you can take hair loss medicine for men but then you shouldn't try to get pregnant. Basically there is nothing that works for everythign..that allows you to have children and stops everythign else. Here I thought I just might have to take estrogen. nope. Then of course the further health problems as I get older. The only non medicated way to help is basically to lose weight..because apparently that is another issue is being obese, although they acknowledge that it happens in non obese women as well. So if I eat better and get exercise maybe I'll be just fine.....it just made me sad.....and i kept getting flashes to the electrolocist adn the dermotologists telling me that there is nothing they can do I must have a hormonal issue and looking at me like a freak. yay just what ever 16 year old girl looooves to hear.
in any case its almost four o'clock which means i get to go home in half an hour. i called the pharmacy and they said they would fax my doctor and to call back tomorrow to see if my doctor called them to authorize more seizure medication for me because i only had 20 left on my prescription. luckily i do actually have enough pills to get me to tuesday...so they better have it then...and not charge me twice because i am not paying full price for 20 pills just to have to turn around and pay full price for 100 more.
i so have done nothing today. i have....two un bids due tomorrow....and one sddc bid due that i am actually going to do myself because the price i got back does not match anywhere close even with a 20% commission what i received from our supplier.
today was the day teh woman I am temping for was supposed to come back. technically. but she isn't here. we haven't heard from her since the first week of november. last i heard she was telling hr that she will be coming back a week later and to take the time off as vacation not yet accrued. we haven't heard whether she got the notice that was supposed to be sent to her stating that she has a new boss and cannot use vacation she hasn't accrued yet and that she needs to give us a specific date she is coming back. i'm not an idiot. i realize my boss is being a dick. and i am very afraid that one day he won't like me anymore and be a dick to me as well. especially when i hear him talk to her on the phone to her...he's so nice and understanding to her...its a little scary. but then talking to her she didn't hide her dislike of him at all to me.
oh yeah as far as my brain goes i had my medication upped and so far everything is going fine. which is why i only had 20 pills this round...instead of taking 4 a day i am taking 6 a day so that 120 that was supposed to be used this month got used last month. but i seem to be doing find with my memory. and i'm not twitching more than normal at night anymore i don't think which is good. i feel so terrible for that. for almost a month carol couldn't sleep at night, then she couldn't sleep during the day either...becasue she was afraid for my brain.
we have been together five years...it will be 6 in april. while she was out of town i went though our box of all of our cards and letters and pictures and movie stubs and greyhound tickets. i put hte letters in chronological order...even read some. and i came on here and read the entries from right before we met to maybe a year in. i hated my family and i needed her more than breath itself. i was fighting everything i had taken away from my relationship with lauren about being self sufficient and powerful and mainting my individuality in a relationship with how much i needed her and wanted to curl up inside her and run away to live our peaceful life where the world couldn't touch us and we would laugh and dance and talk and make love everyday all day until we died. there was no joy without her and nothing but bliss with her. crying in a grocery store buying food for the week left we had together living in the dorm before we had to face the world apart. and now...now shes sick and whining, dying and begging me to fix her like a little kid. i'm at work and still want to avoid my family from time to time, especially when i haven't spent enough time with carol and my parents haven't been drinking enough. we're straining now, bracing for the rest of the time we will be here, however long that may be, hoping it doesn't tear us apart. stupid winter. we probably could do with some more dancing and making love all day (despite the awkwardness living across the hall from my parents), sometimes we run out of things to talk about but never out of things to make each other laugh..even if it is just poke-a-tongue. i am still so happy and in love, wishing i had more money and less debt so we could get a place of our own where our poor kittens aren't sequestered to the basement. we are lucky and even during our rough patches, which there have been a few of, and during raging tempers flaring out at innocent parties, i think we will make it. we aren't perfect, but we are as close as i've seen compared to the couples in our world...lauren and erika are a close second. (yay i can't offend anyone on here because none of our couple friends read this! yahoo) oh and ryan and jen...they are good too.
another bid just came in...i should do my job or something.