Back in his saddle again...
So I haven't written in this for two years. It's pretty interesting, actually, because I am just now getting over the same feelings that I was feeling then. That Summer was probably the lowest I have ever been, and the only thing that can possibly compare is these last 9 months alone. I am finally feeling better, and I have met someone new. That's good. I am nervous... but who isn't? I am in a new band. A Girl A Gun A Ghost. We are going to take over the world. I think that right now I am the happiest I have been in a long time. And I don't really know what to do about it. The parents aren't too happy with me, but to be honest I don't care anymore. I love them to death, they are SO important to me, but they don't understand. This is my calling. This is my manifest destiny. This is my reason for being.
I am now the most cynical I have been ever. There are a lot of people that I don't like; to be honest there isn't a whole lot of people that I find myself tolerating initially as of late. If I just met you, I am going to judge you. If you are different than what I thought... that's ok. I can accept being wrong. I hate being downtown. I am suffocated by stilleto's and popped collers with a noose of makeup and tanned tattoos. I don't understand this world's obsession with recreational affection. If you don't get laid, it's not the end of the world. I promise. Just get back in your stupid car, turn up your stupid radio, and go home and watch some stupid porn while you think about stupid girls from a stupid club. I am so frustrated with everyone. It's like everyone thinks they deserve the world. I got news for everyone... this world is a shithole that we have created. We have created a culture that thrives on plastic emotions and cadaver reactions. Why? Don't people see their lives floating away? I feel like I am one of a few people that has pulled the veil from my eyes. I have given the finger to this world and decided that I am going to do what I feel. Does that mean misbehaving? no. Quite the opposite. I only act in a way that can improve me or someone else as a person. I hope that this rage builds some more inspiration.
I have been having more luck with lyrical ideas. I am going to let this rage build until I blow my top. The new stuff is all going to be about my view of the world... a world being called out. Peragrin is my first attempt. "No guns, no glory... no hero in this story." It's about falling from faith only to find that you weren't looking into an ocean below, just a puddle. And I only actually fell a few inches, not the drastic spirital death that was decreed for me. But I am willing to fly again, I just need the wings.
I am at a strange point in my life, but this time around I don't want pity. Pity is for the weak. I am not weak anymore... no time and too many people supporting me. I love my brothers more than anything in the world. I love my family. I love my Georgia family. And I love my friends. As of late, I really love Chelsea Babbish. That girl is amazing. I have had so many people assume she is my girlfriend, love interest, etc. I swear that every time that happens I laugh. She is the kind of girl that everyone relates to, but for some reason I feel that she and I connect in a very different way. From the minute I met her I could tell that I could trust her. It's strange hearing other people talk about how cool and attractive and this and that she is: I have never thought that. Not that she isn't, she's more than my sister, though. I don't know. I just thought that was important.
G'night everyone, I will be writing in this more. It may get dark, it may get light. But either way, I will shuffle my feet along, left and then right.
I am now the most cynical I have been ever. There are a lot of people that I don't like; to be honest there isn't a whole lot of people that I find myself tolerating initially as of late. If I just met you, I am going to judge you. If you are different than what I thought... that's ok. I can accept being wrong. I hate being downtown. I am suffocated by stilleto's and popped collers with a noose of makeup and tanned tattoos. I don't understand this world's obsession with recreational affection. If you don't get laid, it's not the end of the world. I promise. Just get back in your stupid car, turn up your stupid radio, and go home and watch some stupid porn while you think about stupid girls from a stupid club. I am so frustrated with everyone. It's like everyone thinks they deserve the world. I got news for everyone... this world is a shithole that we have created. We have created a culture that thrives on plastic emotions and cadaver reactions. Why? Don't people see their lives floating away? I feel like I am one of a few people that has pulled the veil from my eyes. I have given the finger to this world and decided that I am going to do what I feel. Does that mean misbehaving? no. Quite the opposite. I only act in a way that can improve me or someone else as a person. I hope that this rage builds some more inspiration.
I have been having more luck with lyrical ideas. I am going to let this rage build until I blow my top. The new stuff is all going to be about my view of the world... a world being called out. Peragrin is my first attempt. "No guns, no glory... no hero in this story." It's about falling from faith only to find that you weren't looking into an ocean below, just a puddle. And I only actually fell a few inches, not the drastic spirital death that was decreed for me. But I am willing to fly again, I just need the wings.
I am at a strange point in my life, but this time around I don't want pity. Pity is for the weak. I am not weak anymore... no time and too many people supporting me. I love my brothers more than anything in the world. I love my family. I love my Georgia family. And I love my friends. As of late, I really love Chelsea Babbish. That girl is amazing. I have had so many people assume she is my girlfriend, love interest, etc. I swear that every time that happens I laugh. She is the kind of girl that everyone relates to, but for some reason I feel that she and I connect in a very different way. From the minute I met her I could tell that I could trust her. It's strange hearing other people talk about how cool and attractive and this and that she is: I have never thought that. Not that she isn't, she's more than my sister, though. I don't know. I just thought that was important.
G'night everyone, I will be writing in this more. It may get dark, it may get light. But either way, I will shuffle my feet along, left and then right.