The Worst Christmas Ever.
This Christmas was so sad. It felt like it didn't even exist. Yesterday afternoon, following work, Josh and myself headed over to Dad's house for a small family celebration of Christmas. It was annoying. The relatives annoyed me; everything annoyed me. It didn't feel Christmassy; but rather, like a birthday, or the kind of get-together that follows a Christening. This morning, I went to church with mum. It's her thing, she likes it, and both Josh and myself knew that we'd be making her Christmas that extra bit nicer if we atteneded with her, so we did (as much as I didn't really want to go). Usually, we'll attend Church with my Dad at 9am on Christmas morning, and celebrate Christmas on the 25th with the entire Santilli clan. This year, that didn't happen. Alternatively, the Santilli get-together was last night (and it felt very obligatory), and Dad joined my Mum, Josh and myself at mass this morning. I don't know whether it was the change of structure, the muggy heat, or the fact that I've found 2005 to be such an unpleasant year, but Christmas this year sucked. This morning, Josh and I approached mum about present opening whilst she was in the early stages of preparing a Christmas lunch, and I asked, "When should we do presents?" She replied, "This afternoon. I haven't even wrapped them yet! I've been so busy, and I'm exhausted". "Yeah, cool," I replied, "Josh and I are going to exchange our gifts now, though, because we both got each other DVDs, and it'll give us something to do!". Mum had a sudden change of heart and said, "You know what? Let's just do presents now. I haven't wrapped them or anything, who cares". After saying that, Mum looked uncomfortable. It looked like she really wanted to take what she said back. I giggled, and assured mum that her not wrapping presents was a positive thing. It means we wouldn't have to clean up; we're not contributing to the shocking environmental effects of Christmas. I darted upstairs to grab Josh's and Mum's present, and encountered Mum walking up the stairs as I was on my way to the Christmas tree that was standing downstairs, barely erect, looking miserable, and put up only a day ago. The Christmas tree box was still lying in the loungeroom next to it. As mum was walking up the stairs, she was crying. I took her hand softly, and asked her what was wrong. "I just really wanted to wrap your presents," she explained as she kept walking, me still clutching her hand. "This is the worst Christmas ever." I smiled at her. She was so fucking right. "I know!" I replied, "and it's been the worst year ever, too, so Christmas Day can be the cherry that garnishes this shitty year."
About five minutes later, we started exchanging gifts. I remembered how marvellous Mum's wrapping always is. Upstairs, she's always had a collection of fabulous wrapping paper, ribbons, bows, plastic Holly. This year, for the most part, they all went unused. This type of Christmas seemed unfamiliar, and I felt distanced from it. I don't know whether it was because the presents were unwrapped, or not, but this morning, I felt about ten years older than I was last Christmas.
Today is the 25th of December, 2005. That leaves six days until a new year begins. Goodbye, 2005. I'm not going to miss you. Not one bit.
About five minutes later, we started exchanging gifts. I remembered how marvellous Mum's wrapping always is. Upstairs, she's always had a collection of fabulous wrapping paper, ribbons, bows, plastic Holly. This year, for the most part, they all went unused. This type of Christmas seemed unfamiliar, and I felt distanced from it. I don't know whether it was because the presents were unwrapped, or not, but this morning, I felt about ten years older than I was last Christmas.
Today is the 25th of December, 2005. That leaves six days until a new year begins. Goodbye, 2005. I'm not going to miss you. Not one bit.