Buggery buggery bugger.
Been a bit too disgusted and stressed out to post here lately. Not that life's all that bad, but by the time I had a moment to reflect, the fact that I had a moment free was annoying. So.
Long story short-ish: it took forever to get the test data collection session arranged at the EEG lab, three weeks, in fact. In the meantime, I had applied for a last-chance grant through the graduate school. In that nomination paperwork, Dear Advisor said many wonderful things (which humbled me greatly) and also said that he thought I would graduate by May. Of 2010. And that I was punctual and responsible, etc., etc. Now, until that point I had given up on finishing in time for next May, but here Dear Advisor was saying I could really do it. As part of my application I also had to create a timeline showing _how_ I would do it. It's tacked up above my desk, with Dear Advisor's signature on it. In order to do this, I'd have to have a draft written by February, and working backwards, I really needed all the data collected by the end of November.
So here it was, mid-November, and I still didn't even have my test data collected, let alone any other data collected. I didn't get my test session done until after the national conference (which was really lovely, I'm glad I went), and now I've been dealing with what Advisor calls "data death" = I'm ready to get it statistically analyzed, but my consultant isn't free right now b/c he's a full-time prof, dealing with end-of-the-semester hell, so I've lost another week of work.
Add to this, I didn't get the grad school dissertation grant. I had to wait an extra three weeks after the announcement date to find out that I'd lost that money because the administrator was trying to get the dean to make extra grants. Which all sounds very weird, but that's what I was told. So I still have NO money. Which really discouraged me, I had done loads of work on these applications and fell victim to 1) naivete (NIH); 2) Politics (MT association grant); and 3) who knows what else. It's not the end of the world, we'll get loan money and we'll make it through, it's just really disgusting to have done all that work and not get anything for it.
And so I meet with Dear Advisor yesterday and share with him how frustrated I am about the progress of the research, and learn that he'd only said he thought I could graduate in May because he thought that's what the graduate school wanted to see on the grant application. He's not at all thinking that I'll be ready for a spring defense. Alright, okay. So let's take a deep breath. I can still take all next semester to work on this, and not kill myself, and do a good job, and that's okay. I wouldn't be able to walk in May, which would be a bummer (b/c I really want to walk graduation, and they only do it in May) but the important thing is: I would be done.
For now, this means that I don't have to be a complete Scrooge and I can perhaps enjoy Christmas, in a Bob Cratchit sort of way. Though I'll still keep progressing and collect data as quickly as I can, and do what I can when I can. The Serenity Prayer is echoing in my head now, and I'll take that as a sign. Tomorrow, instead of sending Julia to daycare as I'd planned, we'll stay home and bake cookies instead, I think.
Long story short-ish: it took forever to get the test data collection session arranged at the EEG lab, three weeks, in fact. In the meantime, I had applied for a last-chance grant through the graduate school. In that nomination paperwork, Dear Advisor said many wonderful things (which humbled me greatly) and also said that he thought I would graduate by May. Of 2010. And that I was punctual and responsible, etc., etc. Now, until that point I had given up on finishing in time for next May, but here Dear Advisor was saying I could really do it. As part of my application I also had to create a timeline showing _how_ I would do it. It's tacked up above my desk, with Dear Advisor's signature on it. In order to do this, I'd have to have a draft written by February, and working backwards, I really needed all the data collected by the end of November.
So here it was, mid-November, and I still didn't even have my test data collected, let alone any other data collected. I didn't get my test session done until after the national conference (which was really lovely, I'm glad I went), and now I've been dealing with what Advisor calls "data death" = I'm ready to get it statistically analyzed, but my consultant isn't free right now b/c he's a full-time prof, dealing with end-of-the-semester hell, so I've lost another week of work.
Add to this, I didn't get the grad school dissertation grant. I had to wait an extra three weeks after the announcement date to find out that I'd lost that money because the administrator was trying to get the dean to make extra grants. Which all sounds very weird, but that's what I was told. So I still have NO money. Which really discouraged me, I had done loads of work on these applications and fell victim to 1) naivete (NIH); 2) Politics (MT association grant); and 3) who knows what else. It's not the end of the world, we'll get loan money and we'll make it through, it's just really disgusting to have done all that work and not get anything for it.
And so I meet with Dear Advisor yesterday and share with him how frustrated I am about the progress of the research, and learn that he'd only said he thought I could graduate in May because he thought that's what the graduate school wanted to see on the grant application. He's not at all thinking that I'll be ready for a spring defense. Alright, okay. So let's take a deep breath. I can still take all next semester to work on this, and not kill myself, and do a good job, and that's okay. I wouldn't be able to walk in May, which would be a bummer (b/c I really want to walk graduation, and they only do it in May) but the important thing is: I would be done.
For now, this means that I don't have to be a complete Scrooge and I can perhaps enjoy Christmas, in a Bob Cratchit sort of way. Though I'll still keep progressing and collect data as quickly as I can, and do what I can when I can. The Serenity Prayer is echoing in my head now, and I'll take that as a sign. Tomorrow, instead of sending Julia to daycare as I'd planned, we'll stay home and bake cookies instead, I think.