:sigh:
Well, another summer's writing is mostly done -- just like last year, I busted my butt to meet a deadline for another defense. This time, it was only the dissertation proposal (as opposed to seven different projects), but it was certainly NO less work. Definitely more complicated, more in-depth -- I often felt way over my head. Wading through all the EEG research that fried my own brain in order to comprehend it, then somehow switching back to music therapy literature that swung me around 180 degrees was crazy. I found it funny that, yet again, I was straddling epistemological fences. Was I writing a quantitative, numbers-based, clear-cut study, or was I writing a mushy gooey qualitative study all about personal experience?
And yesterday I had a realization that made me laugh--I've always been straddling this fence (you'd think it would be uncomfy by now) of spiritual, feelings-based reality and hard science-physics-based reality. (I was very nearly a double-major in astrophysics and flute performance.) Music therapy has, until now, allowed me to continue to be on both sides at the same time. Now, however, for this study where I am examining both of these things, I ultimately had to choose a side. Yes. I had to make up my mind -- who was going to get the final word?
In the end, I had to pick the science. My question is what is really out there? What is the hard truth? And I can't answer that question based on feelings and experiences that are only true for each individual.
Which kinda makes me sad, because I went into my master's thinking I was all about relative truth, spiritual experiences in music, blah, blah, blah. My personal spiritual life has certainly changed a lot since then, I am questioning a lot more and definitely am not trusting organized religion as much as I used to. But that's not to say I don't believe spirituality is useless or nonexistent -- hardly. And so I am still straddling the fence, and certainly so for this study. And I'm sure some real hard-core positivists would laugh at my notion of being in their camp with this odd mixed-method thing I'm writing. But hey. I like doing things differently. :)
So now I just have to edit and get this thing out the door, and maybe actually get some stuff done around the house before the summer is over. :( Such is the academic life, I'm finding.
And yesterday I had a realization that made me laugh--I've always been straddling this fence (you'd think it would be uncomfy by now) of spiritual, feelings-based reality and hard science-physics-based reality. (I was very nearly a double-major in astrophysics and flute performance.) Music therapy has, until now, allowed me to continue to be on both sides at the same time. Now, however, for this study where I am examining both of these things, I ultimately had to choose a side. Yes. I had to make up my mind -- who was going to get the final word?
In the end, I had to pick the science. My question is what is really out there? What is the hard truth? And I can't answer that question based on feelings and experiences that are only true for each individual.
Which kinda makes me sad, because I went into my master's thinking I was all about relative truth, spiritual experiences in music, blah, blah, blah. My personal spiritual life has certainly changed a lot since then, I am questioning a lot more and definitely am not trusting organized religion as much as I used to. But that's not to say I don't believe spirituality is useless or nonexistent -- hardly. And so I am still straddling the fence, and certainly so for this study. And I'm sure some real hard-core positivists would laugh at my notion of being in their camp with this odd mixed-method thing I'm writing. But hey. I like doing things differently. :)
So now I just have to edit and get this thing out the door, and maybe actually get some stuff done around the house before the summer is over. :( Such is the academic life, I'm finding.