A whole lot of maybe.
So the second grant application is in. Instead of waves of relief, or feeling my kinked-up neck unknotting, or a mild case of euphoria, I am feeling rather meh about it. The application is good, kick-ass, even, but despite my attempts to make it appealing to the audience to whom it is directed, I fear that it will be regarded as not at all up their alley. In short, it may be a lead balloon in music therapy land. Bah.
And while I don't mind going against the national political grain in my field -- I welcome it, really -- it's when it gets to affecting my personal professional life that it starts to hit home. Maybe now I'm really earning my stripes, because unless these conflicts directly affect you, it's all theoretical stuff anyway.
But in really practical terms, what does this mean if my dissertation doesn't get funded? If I get neither the NIH thing or this thing? I guess I'll just have to pay for it myself, somehow. Or find yet another source, but at this point putting together another grant application may mean not getting funded until winter, maybe. And I'll probably be ready to start come September/October or so. How frustrating to be set to go, but just be short on cash. ARGH.
Anyway, for now, though, I really need to just recover from this incredibly insane semester. I still have final grades to work out for my class, but after that I can seriously chill out. And do really lovely concrete things like.... cleaning! And gardening! Whoohoo! Still have some RA hours to make up, but that looks manageable and shouldn't impact the summer too much.
In the meantime, Julia is thriving and lovely. And becoming so sweetly self-aware -- last night just as I was about to put her to bed, she said, "Julia sad." I think it was just because the day was ending and she didn't want to go to bed yet. But when I reminded her that she had her bunny and the music playing (gotta love those transitional objects) she was fine and went to sleep without a whimper. What a girl.
And while I don't mind going against the national political grain in my field -- I welcome it, really -- it's when it gets to affecting my personal professional life that it starts to hit home. Maybe now I'm really earning my stripes, because unless these conflicts directly affect you, it's all theoretical stuff anyway.
But in really practical terms, what does this mean if my dissertation doesn't get funded? If I get neither the NIH thing or this thing? I guess I'll just have to pay for it myself, somehow. Or find yet another source, but at this point putting together another grant application may mean not getting funded until winter, maybe. And I'll probably be ready to start come September/October or so. How frustrating to be set to go, but just be short on cash. ARGH.
Anyway, for now, though, I really need to just recover from this incredibly insane semester. I still have final grades to work out for my class, but after that I can seriously chill out. And do really lovely concrete things like.... cleaning! And gardening! Whoohoo! Still have some RA hours to make up, but that looks manageable and shouldn't impact the summer too much.
In the meantime, Julia is thriving and lovely. And becoming so sweetly self-aware -- last night just as I was about to put her to bed, she said, "Julia sad." I think it was just because the day was ending and she didn't want to go to bed yet. But when I reminded her that she had her bunny and the music playing (gotta love those transitional objects) she was fine and went to sleep without a whimper. What a girl.