(no subject)
i cant fall asleep. i want to because im tired and i have to wake up early tomorrow. i want to say, im sorry i cannot have these feelings for you because i want to live my life again and breathe. but i love these feelings all the same. i want to feel strong and not be longing for something else like i am now. i wish i was not on vacation anymore but sort of grounded in what life is by living somewhere. not vacationing where i used to live. i want to go back to school if only to live and relax.
bronwen: i started to read this book called conciousness and it really always gets to me that when you can read about thinking you just get turned around and feel on the outside of everything. everything is just how you perceive it because if another nueron were firing you would think something totally different. trying to live your life according to feelings and emotions and bigger meanings all of a sudden seems worthless and out of context when we are just these chaoticly constructed beings like complicated machines that we, the humans, could create. I dont understand sometimes what the difference is thinking rationally or not if its only to soothe your senses. to take pills to fix those nuerons to make you happy or sane, but at the same time you could think around those pills if that was really what you wanted to do. aaaahh!
so i need to live my life. no more science cause that means death.ha
bronwen: i started to read this book called conciousness and it really always gets to me that when you can read about thinking you just get turned around and feel on the outside of everything. everything is just how you perceive it because if another nueron were firing you would think something totally different. trying to live your life according to feelings and emotions and bigger meanings all of a sudden seems worthless and out of context when we are just these chaoticly constructed beings like complicated machines that we, the humans, could create. I dont understand sometimes what the difference is thinking rationally or not if its only to soothe your senses. to take pills to fix those nuerons to make you happy or sane, but at the same time you could think around those pills if that was really what you wanted to do. aaaahh!
so i need to live my life. no more science cause that means death.ha