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god- first entry in like a year- fuck me. its my b-day but it doesnt feel like it. i wish i were younger and awake right now out of anticipation instead of insomnia. its been my bday 4 a couple of hours and i already got 3 text messages and 4 fone calls one of which included singing which was sexy. its weird but some of the most lonely times ive had has been in a sea of friends who all love me-random thought i know but its been a recurring one so i thought i would share. most days start off good and twards the middle are a blast but at the end i feel crappy, like i spent the whole day shopping looking at pretty things but didnt buy anything. after all the happiness spent i have nothing left to hold on to. but its ok i guess cause more good times will be there tomorrow. I got a hello kitty cake lame i know but it make me happy so whatever i think jessi and i are having are party this month anyone i like is invited, so yea thats alot of ppl. As far as gossip goes yea i definatly have a crush, its just really awkward circumstances. the whole thing is out of an episode of sex and the city, ashley u know the one. i talked to him again 2day! I wonder how long i need to like this guy 4 me to fall in love with him and then immediatly hate and resent him cause that is my M O. This entry is bitter sweet and really unstructured so im gonna end with a big fuckin HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my girl JESSI!!!!