in the event that i should be killed, please post this in the nearest bathrom stall.
while i may love everyone and may show it to many, i must say that at times i feel there is no point. i feel that near everyone is worth little to nothing at all. i have been friends with (still am with some) and dated (very unfortunately) a large quantity of what i sometimes like to call hypocrites. not just hypocrites, but over-all fake and unpleasant people. i don't understand myself in why i bother. i just don't. but when you walk in to a room and people claim that they're in to something so much when it's obviouse that what theyre claiming to be in to is utter shit and not only that, but they only claim it because they want to feel a sense of belonging.
now.. belonging. what is the big fucking deal there? moreover, what is with the whole 'acceptance' trend? is it even a trend anymore? a fact of life that people generally want to feel liked, even loved, and appreciated. but why does that have to cost so many their true personas? falsification of identity. putting on masks is simple, but eliminating them from our lives is near impossible. i know that i have one, and that it changes depending on situation and circumstance, but at least it's not a thick self asphixiating one. whereas my judgements on people have led me to conclude that many have already become not only drones, but useless and dead.
this is a rant. i don't mean to try to make myself sound more intelligent than others out there. or to try to sound more important. a better judge of character or a having a better character to judge. i'm not. honestly. and that's not sarcasm, because i know it might sound like it is. i hate that it's difficult for me to explain all of these emotions and thoughts without sounding like what i'm sounding off about.. you know: pretentiouse nitwit artsy fartsy bourgious stuck up elitist pseudo intellectual fuckwads. no. that's not what i'm about. that's not what i mean to sound like. i hate that at times i think i might be seen as one to people who don't know me better. but then i also end up realizing that a) i don't give a shit what they think i look/sound like and b) they are probably the actual pretentiouse nitwit blah blah assholes that i am sounding off on. that was a disclaimer with no true purpose, by the way.
i'm not the best judge of character. in fact, i'm not one to judge anyone. by that i don't mean i don't judge people but rather that i shouldnt be listened to in my judgements. i feel that i am a better judge than more but i also feel that people should never listen to judgements. got that? good.
i'm not awake enough to continue this. just saying that i don't care anymore. i'm tired of it. i'm going back to living for myself. i don't care if i'm more freegan than vegan and that i still order soy options at starbucks and that i listen to foo fighters and hopesfall and madonna and that i love the ballet as much as i love a good ol' circle pit. fuck you if you don't like it and fuck you if you're planning on judging me. ha. judgement. i think everyone's an assholes. i include myself in there. as for the details, no one's worth going in to a full explanation of how they are in fact assholes. but given the time, i know i could cite true examples with dates and times. maybe even witnesses. intrinsic nature of humans, to not be kind to one another as i would hope. fuck this. i like myself. i know of at least one other person who does as well. in fact, loves me. and i wouldn't even need that little bit of encouragement. i'm fine and dandy knowing it myself. it's all about the way you carry yourself.
i'm fucking tired. goodnight.
now.. belonging. what is the big fucking deal there? moreover, what is with the whole 'acceptance' trend? is it even a trend anymore? a fact of life that people generally want to feel liked, even loved, and appreciated. but why does that have to cost so many their true personas? falsification of identity. putting on masks is simple, but eliminating them from our lives is near impossible. i know that i have one, and that it changes depending on situation and circumstance, but at least it's not a thick self asphixiating one. whereas my judgements on people have led me to conclude that many have already become not only drones, but useless and dead.
this is a rant. i don't mean to try to make myself sound more intelligent than others out there. or to try to sound more important. a better judge of character or a having a better character to judge. i'm not. honestly. and that's not sarcasm, because i know it might sound like it is. i hate that it's difficult for me to explain all of these emotions and thoughts without sounding like what i'm sounding off about.. you know: pretentiouse nitwit artsy fartsy bourgious stuck up elitist pseudo intellectual fuckwads. no. that's not what i'm about. that's not what i mean to sound like. i hate that at times i think i might be seen as one to people who don't know me better. but then i also end up realizing that a) i don't give a shit what they think i look/sound like and b) they are probably the actual pretentiouse nitwit blah blah assholes that i am sounding off on. that was a disclaimer with no true purpose, by the way.
i'm not the best judge of character. in fact, i'm not one to judge anyone. by that i don't mean i don't judge people but rather that i shouldnt be listened to in my judgements. i feel that i am a better judge than more but i also feel that people should never listen to judgements. got that? good.
i'm not awake enough to continue this. just saying that i don't care anymore. i'm tired of it. i'm going back to living for myself. i don't care if i'm more freegan than vegan and that i still order soy options at starbucks and that i listen to foo fighters and hopesfall and madonna and that i love the ballet as much as i love a good ol' circle pit. fuck you if you don't like it and fuck you if you're planning on judging me. ha. judgement. i think everyone's an assholes. i include myself in there. as for the details, no one's worth going in to a full explanation of how they are in fact assholes. but given the time, i know i could cite true examples with dates and times. maybe even witnesses. intrinsic nature of humans, to not be kind to one another as i would hope. fuck this. i like myself. i know of at least one other person who does as well. in fact, loves me. and i wouldn't even need that little bit of encouragement. i'm fine and dandy knowing it myself. it's all about the way you carry yourself.
i'm fucking tired. goodnight.