so this is me;

[findyourpulse]

learning not to expect much anymore. i know i was never the ace, the lucky or wild card, but i'm starting to understand i'm not your queen of hearts either. i'm starting to realize what should have gone through my head three years ago, when i sat alone on a half day- my heart stood up, my day ruined, my plans non-existant. it was my birthday, but you never showed, you never called... you never even thought to say sorry. and so i am starting to wonder why it's never your fault, why i find myself apologizing for your lies, or your inability to interact, to be civil. i'm starting to grasp the pain they all feel when you leave. and honestly? the discomfort behind my ribcage unnerves me. because until now, i was your exception. i was the only one who you'd drop things for, the only one you couldn't resist kissing one more time. but most importantly, the only one you could or would talk to. but now there is a looming, taunting, disgusting silence. and that is you;


snow is falling,


i've stopped checking my phone.


so if you happen to ring me,


i'm pretending i'm not home.