How I feel
Right now life sucks. I don't have much except bands and friends, which is great but I miss how things used to be. Kari and I broke up and that left me pretty much just a shell, but i understand how she feels right now, i'm just impatient and want to take matters into my own hands too much. So I'm laying low right now and maybe forever. The only good thing that came out of all of this is that Kari is happy and that can give me some sort of hope. I also made the stupid mistake of punching her new/old bf, he didn't do anything but it was the only time I could take my feelings out on something . Don't you hate it when you can't get emotional at anything because there is nothing there to get emotional at? Yeah, I only realized after I punched him that that wasn't the right thing to do, but I apologized and I think were cool now, other than that he seemed like an ok-guy other than the Atreyu shirt. So eventually I would like to be friends with Kari again, but right now that is all up to her, i fucked up. The second thing is my parents are getting a divorce. This shouldn't suprise me but it does. They always argued but you always think they will be there. Another problem is they are still living in the same house, i don't get that. Third, I've hated waking up in the morning lately. I really have become interested in death and what's on the other side. I belive in God and all, but right now I'm pissed at him. Why is he letting all this shit happen to me? I know the human race is basically a game to him to keep things interesting, but why does he do terrible things like this? I don't get it. And lastly, I hate this town now. Going around town makes me sick, seeing familiar people make me want to shoot myself andjust breathing the air is enough to make me curl up and die. I have decided to move to get away from all the pain and loss I have endured here. The only problem is I can't move till I finish all my finals for school. So I am looking at a January/Febuary departure. You probably are asking yourself "How can I leave everything behind?" It's easy its called turning your heart to stone and basically becoming an apathetic fuck.