12.1.1. Parenthood. *just in case, locked from the kids*
1. “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” - Elizabeth Stone
I was 22 when I found out I was pregnant with Liam. Will and I had made up this.. timeline, I guess you'd call it. Looking back on it now I realize it's a little silly to really plan things that you sometimes can't even begin to have control over, but we had done it anyway in the years that we were going out. We would get married after graduating college, I'd get my teaching credentials, and he'd go to law school. We'd get a house, get settled, and then begin thinking about a family. Being pregnant at 23 didn't fit the timeline. We were barely about to graduate, how could we even begin to think about being parents?
Will wasn't thrilled about it. I know he wasn't, and while I was shocked I never doubted that I wanted to be a mother. Even if I still felt like I wasn't ready, not having that baby wasn't an option. It could have been, I guess, but.. I couldn't. I couldn't find it in my heart to really look for any other options. And, I don't know. By the time I broke the news to Will I had already gotten used to the idea of being a mother. Even if he would have told me he wasn't interested, I would have gone on with it anyway.
I love my son, more than words can say. In a way, I guess rushing things in that "timeline" made Will.. I don't know. Maybe resent my decision, and in a way even our son without consciously realizing it. Maybe that was the real beginning of the end for us. Still, I don't regret it. I don't regret having my son, or becoming a mother. It may be hard, and it "side tracked" a lot of things that I had planned, but becoming a parent teaches you one of the most important lessons of all: Life shouldn't be about timelines, and schedules. With a child you can't realistically carry them all out, but it's worth it. Every minute of it, it's worth it.
I was 22 when I found out I was pregnant with Liam. Will and I had made up this.. timeline, I guess you'd call it. Looking back on it now I realize it's a little silly to really plan things that you sometimes can't even begin to have control over, but we had done it anyway in the years that we were going out. We would get married after graduating college, I'd get my teaching credentials, and he'd go to law school. We'd get a house, get settled, and then begin thinking about a family. Being pregnant at 23 didn't fit the timeline. We were barely about to graduate, how could we even begin to think about being parents?
Will wasn't thrilled about it. I know he wasn't, and while I was shocked I never doubted that I wanted to be a mother. Even if I still felt like I wasn't ready, not having that baby wasn't an option. It could have been, I guess, but.. I couldn't. I couldn't find it in my heart to really look for any other options. And, I don't know. By the time I broke the news to Will I had already gotten used to the idea of being a mother. Even if he would have told me he wasn't interested, I would have gone on with it anyway.
I love my son, more than words can say. In a way, I guess rushing things in that "timeline" made Will.. I don't know. Maybe resent my decision, and in a way even our son without consciously realizing it. Maybe that was the real beginning of the end for us. Still, I don't regret it. I don't regret having my son, or becoming a mother. It may be hard, and it "side tracked" a lot of things that I had planned, but becoming a parent teaches you one of the most important lessons of all: Life shouldn't be about timelines, and schedules. With a child you can't realistically carry them all out, but it's worth it. Every minute of it, it's worth it.