fear. . .
is a tremendously grave and confusing idea. you fear what you love, you fear what you hate. you fear the things that you don't want to face, you fear the things that stare at you in the eye. you fear yourself, you fear lies. you fear truth, you fear the unknown. you fear your insecurities, you fear what becomes of you. you fear the mess you've built for yourself, you fear the mess you've made of other people. you fear sabotage, you fear self abandonment. you fear being alone, you fear opening up. you fear judgement, you fear to be passed on as if you don't exist. you fear that you're not good enough, you fear that you can't compare. you fear that you're too good, you fear that others aren't fit. you fear that you're not the only one, you fear to be mundane like the rest. you fear to be proven right, you fear to be proven wrong. you fear investments, you fear wasting time. you fear so much, but where is that fear going to get you?
you can be stubborn and ruin everything, or you can bow your head and take it for what it is even if you feel like its not good enough, or enough for that matter. you can sit there and fear all you want, but you keep going, keep tagging along with all the fear inside of you. even when you know that fear won't get you anywhere, you love to fear and you live for it. you keep going to find out what's really at the end, what happens next in the story. you keep getting on because you also fear letting go. ironic, all of it. catch twenty-two it is.
i have a lot of fear in my heart. i also have a lot of strength. they clash, all the time, battling each other to see who wins in this tug of war. i want so badly not to fixate on this whole thing, these deep seeded issues that are mainly derived of myself and my pride. i can't, it became a must to obsess over these little things, weighing whether or not its the little things that matter or the big picture you should just accept. i fear doubt, too much of it is not healthy. i fear infatuations with doubting myself, but i'm far too involved to let go of my fear of all things that supposedly matter but probably shouldn't. you wake up every day and find yourself fearing the same things all over again. you get sick of it. you want to change it, but you fear that you can't so you don't. i can find a million reasons not to fear, but i can also find double as many reasons to fear all the things i do. i fear that i'll never find the answer to relieve myself of this torture, but i also fear that when i let go is when things get as bad as it can.
the only thing i do not fear is gradual progressions and a whole lot of patience. that's not bad at all.
you can be stubborn and ruin everything, or you can bow your head and take it for what it is even if you feel like its not good enough, or enough for that matter. you can sit there and fear all you want, but you keep going, keep tagging along with all the fear inside of you. even when you know that fear won't get you anywhere, you love to fear and you live for it. you keep going to find out what's really at the end, what happens next in the story. you keep getting on because you also fear letting go. ironic, all of it. catch twenty-two it is.
i have a lot of fear in my heart. i also have a lot of strength. they clash, all the time, battling each other to see who wins in this tug of war. i want so badly not to fixate on this whole thing, these deep seeded issues that are mainly derived of myself and my pride. i can't, it became a must to obsess over these little things, weighing whether or not its the little things that matter or the big picture you should just accept. i fear doubt, too much of it is not healthy. i fear infatuations with doubting myself, but i'm far too involved to let go of my fear of all things that supposedly matter but probably shouldn't. you wake up every day and find yourself fearing the same things all over again. you get sick of it. you want to change it, but you fear that you can't so you don't. i can find a million reasons not to fear, but i can also find double as many reasons to fear all the things i do. i fear that i'll never find the answer to relieve myself of this torture, but i also fear that when i let go is when things get as bad as it can.
the only thing i do not fear is gradual progressions and a whole lot of patience. that's not bad at all.