Age
Sometimes I feel really old, like when I'm out on the stoop talking to my plants while I'm watering them. I imagine myself quite often as one of those old ladies in their gardens with their big sun hats and overalls. Of course I'm not that old, still in my young thirties, and I'm not afraid of age, as a true believer of "with age comes wisdom". There are just those times when, in thinking, I feel like I've lived much longer than I actually have. This occurs quite often when I'm around the sea, when I'm reminded of things I cannot possibly remember. It makes me believe in previous lives.
I get to thinking about this now because we've actually started talking about *gasp* having a child. We try to be pretty spontaneous about most things in our personal life, every moment of each day brings newness with it and that's fucking GREAT! but with children, I'm not one to fly by the seat of my pants. There is a reason for this: I'm a teacher and therefore not at all wealthy. There is planning involved so that when I do have a child, I can be with him or her for the maximum amount of time before going back to work, which means a May baby, end of April at the earliest. Money is a factor, and bringing a child into world is HUGE. I want to take care of said child to the best of my ability, which does not mean that I wish to spoil, but just to know there will be money to give it comfort. I'm not a lover of money, so to think this way drives me nutty. There are reasons besides money, of course. It will be murderous to leave him or her and go to work, though my location and job does allow for me to get out early and spend plenty of time. I just don't want to be one of those moms who's secondary to the caretaker because the child sees that person so much more.
This is all more babble really, and I try not to think about the fact that though we're not "trying" officially, we're not trying not to either. We decided this is a much better method than thinking we're making a baby right now! Haha. Oh the pressure of that one. Anyway...
Off to maybe or maybe not make a baby! :)
T
I get to thinking about this now because we've actually started talking about *gasp* having a child. We try to be pretty spontaneous about most things in our personal life, every moment of each day brings newness with it and that's fucking GREAT! but with children, I'm not one to fly by the seat of my pants. There is a reason for this: I'm a teacher and therefore not at all wealthy. There is planning involved so that when I do have a child, I can be with him or her for the maximum amount of time before going back to work, which means a May baby, end of April at the earliest. Money is a factor, and bringing a child into world is HUGE. I want to take care of said child to the best of my ability, which does not mean that I wish to spoil, but just to know there will be money to give it comfort. I'm not a lover of money, so to think this way drives me nutty. There are reasons besides money, of course. It will be murderous to leave him or her and go to work, though my location and job does allow for me to get out early and spend plenty of time. I just don't want to be one of those moms who's secondary to the caretaker because the child sees that person so much more.
This is all more babble really, and I try not to think about the fact that though we're not "trying" officially, we're not trying not to either. We decided this is a much better method than thinking we're making a baby right now! Haha. Oh the pressure of that one. Anyway...
Off to maybe or maybe not make a baby! :)
T