may angels lead you in
*long sigh*. eh. well, let's just say... things are pretty crazy. the problem is that i think too much, & i care too much. ehhh. i'll figure it out someday. ... and im not so big on sharing my whole life details and bullshit with everyone on this earth. so YEA. no more. ehh. .. and i am gonna be soo freaking busy this summer. AAh.....anyway, i did go to the hospital today which ended up being really fun - jeopardy (for summer re-orientation stuff, like safety and procedures and such) in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of volunteers with cool personalities, and marsha- OF COURSE. - just a lot of hilarious moments- gotta love that crowd, especially Charles. AHAHA and our team won, cause we're just THAT cool. lol whatever, it was a lot of fun :) ..and maclean & I had some fun at her work - you know we're that cool :) - i love playing with all that stuff, and the trivia and all that. im such a dork! w/e. - and last night mike & sarah were over and we played mario super smash brothers ( i think? haha) yea im horrible at video games, so inexperienced. - mike beat my ass lol but it was cool when i was yoshi cause i got to randomly roll into a ball and knock ppl over, it was HILARIOUS. :-D you definitely had to be there! lol oohhh and me & sarah had fun - i totally got her hooked on THE O.C.!! and it was awesome watching like the first three episodes- so much has changed! but yeah. i love that show. i dont care what you think. it just gets me sometimes. i like it a lot. ive even cried sometimes watching it because of how i can relate to the feeling or to what could happen/ happens... yeah enough of that. ( this is how it's done in orange county.... :) ) well, anyway..
goodness. I LOVE MUSIC.
I love how at random moments, a part of a song that you just happen to be listening relates to EXACTLY the way you are feeling at that time. I love how i love so much different music. i love how different music makes me feel so much better in a situation when i am frustrated, or upset. i love how (ironically, i suppose, i dont really know) music makes me cry, in good or bad ways. i love how then it lets my emotions out, and i can deal with them better that way, through music. i love how i don't see myself living without music. haha. i love how it intensifies a feeling i have, and can put it into words, tone, style, and melody that i could not. i love how music makes me think of special people in my life. i love how music provokes thought in me, to look at things from a different perspective. i love how music doesn't have to make sense to mer, but i still enjoy it. i love how i understand what i am saying here, and you all have no idea lol. whatever. anyway. i love how music helps me think, reflect, discover things about myself or things i would like to do or how i would like to be. i love how music doesnt always have to be deep, or even have words. i love how i love so much music thats not popular, really. just stuff from my dad, from my childhood, from random soundtracks or whatever. and i love how old songs bring back so many memories, from when i was a kid or even recently. i love how music brings forth so many feelings in me. i love how some songs can just put a smile right on my face. or make me think of someone, which then makes me smile. :) <3 . i love how, since im a terrible writer, i can somehow find peace with things through lyrics, and connect them to situations and feelings in my own life. i love how this paragraph ( or lack of a paragraph, i dont care) is so random but im not going to go back and change it. :) i love how i can just go driving in my car with the music on and think. or like now, or anytime. i love how i have my ipod that plays through the radio so i can do that^. :) thats been so worth it, i use it like every day pretty much. ... mmmm ... and i love how certain songs just sound pleasing to me, can comfort me, how they strike certain chords in my soul, and my heart. i love how they make my heart warm, or feel it is about to burst with happiness, or crumble with terrible ache and longing or disappointment , or sadness. but because of it i can handle things better, once they are realized and open. i love how music is my strength. i love how music brings light to so many things for me, like i was truely blind before, not seeing the whole truth in life. i love how i feel so lucky right now. thank you, music. haha. yea. mmmmmm :) :) alright, thats enough wasted space on my thoughts on that... and i dont care if this doesnt make sense. it is real to me. and i tried to express it, through the lack of skills that i have. ... but it's alright..really.. and i'm alright. :)
... and lets see. only 4 more days i guess? then things will change a little, and then just a week more. i think i can make it, ...just barely.. lol.
i miss you; i miss what life is about for me. i miss just lying with you, listening to your heart beat, wanting to stay in that moment forever.
"i feel like i'm falling for you but i'm scared"
"and every breath we drew was hallelujah"