(no subject)
I have these feelings about objects around me. I don't care about them. I could give a shit less. The real reason for this sentiment in regards to the material articles around me is due to my awareness that life is meaningless. Meaningless because everything will eventually end. I wonder if people who've committed suicide (that always sounds weird to me "committed suicide") have become self actualized. It is not a raising up, but more of a lowering down. One realizes and accepts the meaninglessness of their own life and thus can live free as a self-actualized individual. The part I have a tough time with though, is how this is supposed to FREE someone? How one can be happy in life... with this fate...with this meaninglessness? It is hard not to take things to heart, but what if none of it matters? Why have a heart? This leads me directly back to my feelings about objects. I could give a shit less. Life is meaningless, so then, are objects. Objects will not last, so they are meaningless. I do not want to project this same sentiment onto mankind. Because we are utterly predetermined, our deaths are at least, we do not matter. People do not matter. I never want to believe this. It will be my undoing.