Firefly ; River/Simon ; don't take your eyes off me - a Fanmix
[She waits for him. She waits and she waits and she waits and sometimes she writes but mostly she waits. It hurts to wake up because they're going to come for her and poke things into her arms and legs and chest and head and sometimes even her eyes. But she lies there, waiting and thinking and waiting for Simon to come and rescue her. She's a princess trapped in a castle but there's no toads in this story. It hurts to lie on the bed. Maybe if she rips her mattress up, her prince will come and rescue her because she's a real, true princess. All she has to do is wait.]
[River's POV]
These wings to fly are gonna last forever
Cos one by one my dreams come true
And I touch the sky whenever were together
I can't believe the joy I get with you
I'm thinking about your sugar lips
Got a feeling for you now thats so strong
I'm dreaming of the candy in your fingertips
Baby don't stay away from me too long
Honey to the Bee - Billie Piper
[She's not his mei-mei anymore. She's a twisted, fractured version, a grotesque mirror of the girl he grew up with. When she's lucid enough, she'll smile at him and touch his face and joke around, but in her darker moments, when she's trapped in her mind, Simon's stomach aches and not just because she kicks him there sometimes. In those moments, he touches her face, smile, stroke her cheek and if she lets him, he'll hold her, whisper in her ear- 'I have you, I love you, stay here with me'.]
[Simon's POV]
Hit me like a kick to a thickening gut
The beat has done beaten me up
No one's gonna lift me out of this rut
The groove has done ground me to dust
I'm knocking on the wrong cocoon
Spun another web of lies
Caterpillar Girl - Lou Barlow
[She knows he's desperate. She can see it in his eyes, she can feel it in his grip, she can hear it in his mind. Echoing around and around his head- he could be back on Osiris, he could be in the hospital, but he's hear because she's his mei-mei. Simon keeps her close, one eye on her all the time. River wonders if he sleeps with his eyes open like she used to do in The Academy. Alert all the time, awake, on edge, a noise that could be her getting into mischief or the ship settling. One or the other, never both, she was never really the ship.
She'll be good for him.]
[River's POV]
Sink your
Teeth into the taste of me and
Squeeze hard
'Til you can feel me splitting and you
Want more
You I want you, know I wanted more
Keep Me In Your Pocket - Charlotte Martin
[She sits reluctantly on the bed in the infirmary, pouting slightly, sweater sleeves over her hands. Stretched and worn, fraying slightly.
'I'm sorry,' he says. River rolls her eyes. She's calm today, if in a bad mood. Nightmares again.
No one's ever gonna be able to handle her, Jayne had said earlier that day. Simon didn't say anything, but he knew Jayne was right.
'He is,' River says.]
[Simon's POV]
If you don't mind why don't you mind
Where is your sense of indignation
You are too kind
Much too kind
Where is the madness that you promised me
Where is the dream for which I paid dearly
No One Will Ever Love You - The Magnetic Fields
[She lies awake at night, eyes squeezed shut tight, curled into a tight ball, blankets twisted around her feet. Haunting her chasing her sitting on her chest so hard to breathe they're on her chest can't get away run run run to big brother's room in his bed pressed tight.
Arms up his shirt, face to his neck and he swears so loudly.
'Your feet are cold!'
River giggles. Demons gone, devils away, sharp needles out of her arms and lying on her bed back in the Academy.
Not a prince but still a hero.]
[River's POV]
Oh what should I do I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out and maybe
And then the wind just starts to moan
Outside the door he followed me home
Now goodnight moon
I want the sun
If it's not here soon
I might be done
No it wont be too soon til I say
Goodnight moon
Goodnight Moon - Shivaree
[It's like dying. Everything he knows was washed away the moment he snuck into that building and ran away with River. Kaylee dared to ask him one day if it was worth it, knowing everything he ever had was gone.
He hadn't answered her, but if he did he would have said yes. He's fixing his sister, slowly rebuilding her back into the girl he once knew. Connect the wires, tighten the screws, push the right buttons. He makes mistakes and she'll spend the rest of the day glaring at him through the curtain of dark hair that hides her face.
Somedays he'll press the right ones and she'll dance with him. He'll step on her toes and she'll hit him on the arm and laugh with her head back and it'll echo around Serenity.
It makes him nervous when he wakes up one morning with River in his arms and the realisation that those are the moments he is no living for.]
[Simon's POV]
The sirens woke me up again
O know they're coming for me someday just a matter of when
Count to 25 and yawn
Touch the clock and turn my back against the dawn
And hope for that one dream of hardware stores with checkered floors and Buckets full with nails
We're floating effortless over the apartment to the boat
I'm rowing past the office windows
Mother, mother may I cry
Father will you teach me how to die the right way someday
The Prescience of Dawn - The Weakerthans
[River's head is on his lap, legs up to her chest, arms around them. She's not quite awake but she's not asleep either. Simon's hand runs through her hair. It's wet from the shower she had earlier.
Kaylee's talking animatedly about something or another. He's trying to concentrate on her, he really is, but River's hands keep grabbing fistfuls of his slacks and there's just the right amount of pressure. She was always so very, very aware of everything going on around her. He could make her get up, he could.
He doesn't want her to.
'Mm-hmm,' River hums from his thighs.]
[Simon's POV]
We grew up together
From the cradle to the grave
We died and were reborn
And then mysteriously saved.
Oh, Sister - Bob Dyan
[There's a window just above the dining area. River likes to stand on the table, head craned and watch the stars pass by. She tries to convince Simon to put on a suit and sit on the hull as they fly through space but he goes pale and his eyes go wide and he gapes at her and he shakes his head again and again and again. He looks like a fish when he does that. River tells him that.
Jayne now calls him Fish Boy.
But the stars... she hadn't seen them in so long and now they call to her. She reaches up, hands stretching, on the very tips of her toes, trying to reach them. They change colour, twinkling, twirling, red and violet and blue and yellow and green and if she watches careful enough sometimes pink. She likes the blue ones best.
Simon watches her from the table. She's careful not to step in his food, 'specially when he's eating. He watches her, makes sure she doesn't fall. When someone's coming, he grabs her around the waist and plonks her on the ground, but most times he'll let her stand there, reaching for the stars.]
[River's POV]
Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Across the Universe - Fiona Apple
[She'll dance around the cargo bay. It has the most room, she says. Mal gets a bit antsy sometimes, especially since the Incident with the Gun. It's capitalised in Simon's head.
Jayne is antsy around her by nature, so Simon won't let her do it when Jayne is working out.
Kaylee will dance with her sometimes, and sometimes the two girls will drag Simon into it. He was never much of a dancer. He mostly likes to watch the way River's hair whips around, the way her dress flutters, and the way she grins with her eyes closed and arms stretched out, her boots off and her mind nowhere near the past, only the future.
Sometimes it make it easier for Simon to breathe.]
[Simon's POV]
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey
Drops of Jupiter - Train
[She sits on his bed, knees to her chin, feet bare and toes digging into the sheets. She watches Simon get changed, the way he makes sure his clothes are straight and laid out neatly. He doesn't care anymore. He watches her get dressed, too.
She stretches legs out, grabs her toes and leans against the wall until he tells her it's her turn. He'll take her by the hand, pull her dress over her head. Nightgown on, pull her hair out from the back of her dress. Sometimes he'll kiss her and her lips will tingle until she falls asleep.]
[River's POV]
Three years before me you came out and cried
Boy not a girl where'd you get all that pride
You are so very thin and I've always wanted to fit into your pants
Photogenic at first glance but got something missing for romance
We share a mother we do and a daddy too
Laurel & Hardy - Martha Wainwright
[Simon tries to have her sleep in her own bed. She'll stay there the whole night sometimes, but some mornings, she'll get up before anyone else and slip between his sheets. Most times Simon doesn't wake, but when he does, River will be looking at him. Her feet are always cold. He'll tell her that, every time, but River will press up against him, face to the crook of his neck, arms around him and Simon will forget it's his sister.]
[Simon's POV]
She says "wake up, it's no use pretending"
I'll keep stealing, breathing her.
Birds are leaving over autumn's ending
One of us will die inside these arms
Eyes wide open, naked as we came
Naked As We Came - Iron & Wine
[It works. River always knew it would. Never had a doubt, because why should she? She knew him for fourteen years, and now an extra two. Knows him better than anyone else. He could never say no to her, but that was okay, she never crossed the line. She's not crossing the line now, either, because he loves her as much as she loves him. Brother and sister, same flesh.
She turns up at his door. It's quiet. He likes the quiet, he can hide in it, live in it. River has always been there.
Blue eyes. She likes blue.
She steps into his room. Barefoot. She can see him swallow as she lifts up her dress and he opens his mouth. Only one thing comes out.
'River.'
He kisses her and River touches the stars.]
[River's POV]
No one's picking up the phone
Guess it's clear hes gone
And this little masochist
Is lifting up her dress
Guess I thought I could never feel
The things I feel
Hey Jupiter
Nothings been the same
So are you gay
Are you blue
Thought we both could use a friend
To run to
Hey Jupiter - Tori Amos
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here reuploaded 13-11-07.