Guilty
I think I have come to conclude that the feeling I hate the most in the world is guilt. It eats at you from inside in a way that other emotions don't. And whereas when you're feeling sad or dejected it can become a you against the world situation, guilt is a kind of war with yourself - with the other part of you that you've always hoped to deny. The other part of you that you are not proud of. And despite the fact that you can use logic to rationalize it all away and create the World's Top Ten Justifications to exonerate yourself, it will knaw at you, like a mosquito that always bites the same spot. It may not even be a very big thing, but for the whole day you find yourself thinking about it. And then the natural reaction is to try and hide the guilt in a mound of self-pity, which then transforms you into a mole buried in some hole of self-punishment and grief.
And the most pathetic part is - the person you were guilty towards probably hates you a lot less now than you hate yourself.
And the most pathetic part is - the person you were guilty towards probably hates you a lot less now than you hate yourself.