(no subject)

Jul 12, 2005 12:38

and im breaking because i knew all the things to say, until i saw you. and then i had nothing. it hurt when you were so far away, but even though you came back it feels like you flew further away, and the distance is killing me. and i talk about how much i hate being fake, but i say things just to make you happy, i lie so it dosnt hurt you, but i know it still does, because i know youre not stupid. I know you know how i really feel. im honest here. brittany told me i use alcohol as a crutch, alcohol is not a crutch, its a little can to hid behinde. im tired of hiding, im tired of lying. I love you. I know it is better to move on, i know that i could if i really tried but i dont want to.

I do need you, but i dont NEED the things i need you for, i want them. I want to be happiness, i need you for that. for real happiness. but i dont NEED happiness, thats not something people need, its something they want. you made a good point, its like wanting a cigarette, you want it and you need it to make the withdrawls go away, but you dont smoke because you want to quit and the withdrawls will eventually pass. and like a cigarette, i think love will eventually tear us all apart.

and

I did not, DID NOT fuck lewis. okay, i dont give a shit who you heard that from or why you think that, but i didnt. okay. i didnt. i mean where the fuck do you get that you have the right to falsly acuse me of some shit like that?

and

you know what? I lied to you about nick, what happened wasnt actually all because i was pissed at you, i mean it wouldnt have happened if you hadnt done what you did, but i kinda liked him too. but that was my stupidity.

and

sex and kissing are not the same thing. you fucked brittany. i made out with brent. the thing is, i felt guilty and broke it off because i didnt want to hurt you, you however, didnt tell me and planned to just go on like nothing happened because you didnt want to get brittany in trouble? wtf? i should have ment more to you than brittany so yeah FUCK YOU on that.

and

I dont give a shit what you have against Chris Watford, he is still my fucking friend okay? I dont want yall fighting, but it is your choice, im not trying to stop you im just letting you know how i feel. Im not taking sides. and i dont give a fuck what you think about me because hes my friend, and that IS all he is. a friend. i dont give a shit what youve heard or what you think, i havnt touched chris in... a long time, i cant remember when.

some thing else,
i dont understand why you hate him so much you obviously have at least a few things in common because lets see, you dated suzie for how long? well you thought you loved her or whatever right? well hmm um... i think suzie's been with chris or was almost with him, and you and brittany dated for a long ass time, and dint you think you loved her too? hm.. wheres she at now? and Lauren, yall dated for a decent amount of time too right? yeah, she was majorly attracted to chris too... and then me, you loved me and i loved you and yeah... i mean, theres gotta be some kinda connection.

And its wrong the way you sit around and bad mouth nick, sure he gets annoying some times... well alot of the time, but you have been around him enough to even know him any more, and what he did to you? wtf? jenna and brittany did the same fucking thing to me, brittany more than jenna and i dont sit around and talk shit about them, im not even mad at brittany, i never really was, for some reason im only mad at jenna but on ly a few people even kow about that. its trashy and extrememly red neck like to go around like "well.. ima beat his ass" thats bull shit, its just fucking stupid and imature.

AND dont you fucking try to compare yourself to nick to make yourself look better because every trait you see in him that you hate, you have too. every thing you hate about him, i hate about you, it dosnt bother me with him because theres nothing between me and nick, but you, i just fucking hate you some times, i do, i just fucking hate you sometimes. but i get over it, some of the tings youve done and said... i dont think i could be with you now, i think thats why its better if i move on, find something new and watch it grow instead of trying to pick up the broken pieces and glue them back together.

and me. Im very different, you dont know any thing about me any more. and its crazy when the things we want change how our entire personality and attitude change.

i want freedom, i want happiness...
i do want love, but im not ready for the pain,
im not afraid any more, not afraid of work or pain,
im just not ready, but I'll be good soon, and ill move on,
im not ready yet, but ill move on soon, to something new
and ill still think about you and see you from time to time
but i wont want you any more, and i wont miss you
and i wont cry and ask for you back any more,
and im not going to tell you things i dont mean,
and im not going to be angry at things i cant change,
you want to move on,
i accept that,
it cant be changed.
theres just this one little problem, for some reason i cant belive that any thing can really not be changed, like uh... the sky is blue, that cant be changed... really it could be, with alot of work, and im sure a lot of other stuff, but it could be done.
Im 15 and i want freedom, it cant be done? yes, yes it can.
do you see what i mean?
yeah

fuck you
okay im out niggaz.
<3 peace
Previous post
Up