Our Days
Title: Our Days
Author: FindAway19
Fandom/Pairing: KiSeob
Genre: Pain/Comfort, character death
Disclaimer: Own the plot. Not the People.
Summary: Kikwang is Yoseob’s life lesson.
---
For years I have been bullied. I’ve been called girly to smug. I have even been physically and verbally attacked by nearly everyone I meet and it was so annoying. Each year, up until college, it was a new game the people around me did.
‘Look at this one’
‘Who is that? Boy or Girl?’
‘Why is he wearing tight pants?’
I repeated was called the eyesore and attention whore. Titles that people had bestowed on me even when absent. I was screaming to be bullied in their opinion. “He deserved every minute of it” a comment one of my high school classmates whispered to their friends.
What about me was screaming to be bullied?
What about me made me different than you guys or everyone else?
They enjoyed laughing and ridiculing me day to day. No Teacher helped even when I cried out for them. I learned that people are selfish and only do things that would benefit themselves. I even remember one time in high school when I was pushed down the steps and suffered a concussion. I was hospitalized for weeks because I cracked my skull. I was never the same. My mentality was strongly stuck on this idea that people are evil.
I hated school.
Not only did I have to deal with the bullying, my mother was never home. She wasn’t even present when I was hospitalized. My mother blamed me over and over for my father leaving leading her to find comfort; drinking and smoking. She would rather waste time drinking with friends then come visit me. I’ve never seen my father nor do I gave a damn. He decided to get up and pack all his things in the middle of the night, so why should I care.
I was neglected.
But even though I went through most of that abuse and torture, I did have a one friend. My first friend and best friend his name was Lee Kikwang.
I could not have been so lucky to have him by my side. Kikwang was how can you say…dumb and he didn’t get many things as quick as others. Slow as you will call it but it was different…it was more innocent like. He was not ignorant of the environment surrounding him. Parents that died serving their country, a drug addict aunt that only cared about the money, an uncle that took the pleasure in ‘loving’ him every night and their high maintenance, spoiled daughter who received everything and anything.
He never spoke a word to me about his home issues. He only listened to mine. He never asked questions or proposed options he just listened. That was one thing about him that attracted me to him the most. We both came from broken families but not once he said “Well there are people who suffer worst that you”. If he had said that I might have punch him and never talk to him again. Since I am the type to hold grudges.
All the days I’ve spent with him were always enjoyable. We would met up and walk to the park, which was the first place we met. Just a friendly scroll. During the summer ice cream, winter hot steamed dumplings. We would take our seats on the swings and just talk of our day. Sometimes we would just sit and not talk. Silence was a calm factor especially with a hot head like me. Every time people would look at us weirdly. Some people even to the initiative to come up to us and ask
“Why are we friends?”
Honestly it was quite agitating. Why could I not have him as a friend? Why, was it eyeliner that I wore or the beanies he wore? Was it the height difference? The taste in clothes? Above all that there were days where we would get
“You guys look handsome”
Kikwang would turn a beet red. He was never able to take compliments properly. I would wait until we were far from the ones that complimented us to laugh in his face. He would get even redder then hit me telling me to stop teasing. Days like that was promising I hoped that it would stay that way forever but as you know reality is not like that. It was senior year in high school and it was time that we chose colleges. We were both offered a scholarship to go to the top arts school in the country. He was going for dance and I was vocal. Things were looking up until he was forced to go to a college that was in walking distance of his aunt and uncle. The argument was they would miss him. Bullshit. They knew that if he would go away the money would be put toward his education not them. He ultimately turned down the scholarship and went to the school of their chose.
Once again I was thrown into this cruel and horrible world of ignorant and selfish people. But I couldn’t blame him. I just wished he had pushed more to go with me. I made sure that I would work hard to finish all my studies and projects so I could go visit him. The first time I saw him I was angry and furious. He grown thin and suffered more pain. All I could do was watch as he struggled to eat the ice cream we once munched on. He would tell me
“I’m not hungry”
I stared at him and shook my head. I told him to apply once again to my school. He might not get the scholarship but he can still be close to me and be in safe arms. He said that he would. I called him repeatedly to apply I even blew up his email. People would call this obnoxious but it was far from it. I only wanted the best for him. After a few months in school I was back again for break but this time it was different. He didn’t meet up with me at the station like he did before. The whole train ride I was so enthusiast to tell him of the new friends I gained in school. For once I felt comfortable being around people other than him especially since it was four new people. I would have never expected to make friends who understand and shared the same ideas of music as do I. All crazy and eccentric but Kikwang would forever remain my best friend. So I just decided to wait maybe he would show up.
I waited for an hour. Train after train. The train conductors that pasted every minute asked if I was waiting get on but I constantly denied.
Half an Hour later
Nothing
I started to wonder if he forgot or was in traffic. I grabbed all my things and thought I should go to the park. We always meet there if something goes wrong. He also knew I was home since I called him, sent a text and an email the day before. Once again I’m not obnoxious. Maneuvering through the large crowd of people in the street I noticed it was typically rougher than usually. The cars honking to get people out of the way were louder than normal also. There was even an ambulance that was trying to get through. I being the nosy person I am I wanted to look. As I got closer I heard people say
“Poor boy…”
“Drunk driver…”
“He had a life ahead of him”
“Some people should not drive”
“He looks young 19…20 maybe”
My curiosity was so strong now I had to know. The horns of the cars in my ear, people pushing me and elbowing me in the stomach I got frustrated I started to push people out of the way. At this point my luggage long forgotten. As I pushed and clawed my way through I had a sinking feeling. It was weird was I expecting to see someone that I did not want to see on the floor. When I finally hit the front I saw a familiar face covered in blood. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. I was hoping that I was not hallucinating.
“No No this can’t be” was all that ran through my head. I openedmy eyes and the picture was still the same. I started to walk towards the body on the floor. The police that was barricading the area tried to stop me from getting closer. But I fought to break free. That person lying on the floor covered in blood was my best friend Kikwang. When I told them I knew the person on the floor and they let me go. His eyes were still open and he had tears coming from the sides. I was boiling with anger. When the people in the ambulance came they checked his pulse but it was too late. He was dead on spot.
It was not his time to go I would curse the driver that hit him. I would even wish that they kill and torture him in jail but how is that any better than the ones that picked on me in school. I should… actually no one should wish something bad on another. The reality of this was so strong that my grades dropped in my first semester back. I remember spending most of my time crying every night for 5 months. Even the comfort of my new friends was not the same. I missed him and I often felt that I should not have left him in that cruel environment. I often thought of committing suicide. Lucky for me I had a support group who keep me living and I am truly grateful.
We should have never separated but I look back at the days that we spent together I laugh. Because those memories are what pushed me to smile everyday whether I was here in school or at the park we spend time together. This experience has changed my life.
But now I have to end this since I have made the whole front row weep and smug their makeup. To end this speech I have two quotes I would like everyone to thing about:
One) The most important thing is to enjoy your life - to be happy - it's all that matters.
And
Two) Life is like dancing. If we have a big floor, many people will dance. Some will get angry when the rhythm changes. But life is changing all the time.
Have a good day everyone.
---
I just love to take long breaks don’t I? Well I wanted to write something just to get me back into the writing frenzy especially since I’ve been out of school for a while now. I just started to get relaxed. I’m still working on Get Away Part 4 and 5 at the same time. So I should have more chapters up soon. Also about the quotes I got them from this website called brainyquote.com. The first one is by Audrey Hepburn and the second one is by Miguel Angel Ruiz. Actually there was one more I liked but I didn’t use:
Lao Tzu
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
Author: FindAway19
Fandom/Pairing: KiSeob
Genre: Pain/Comfort, character death
Disclaimer: Own the plot. Not the People.
Summary: Kikwang is Yoseob’s life lesson.
---
For years I have been bullied. I’ve been called girly to smug. I have even been physically and verbally attacked by nearly everyone I meet and it was so annoying. Each year, up until college, it was a new game the people around me did.
‘Look at this one’
‘Who is that? Boy or Girl?’
‘Why is he wearing tight pants?’
I repeated was called the eyesore and attention whore. Titles that people had bestowed on me even when absent. I was screaming to be bullied in their opinion. “He deserved every minute of it” a comment one of my high school classmates whispered to their friends.
What about me was screaming to be bullied?
What about me made me different than you guys or everyone else?
They enjoyed laughing and ridiculing me day to day. No Teacher helped even when I cried out for them. I learned that people are selfish and only do things that would benefit themselves. I even remember one time in high school when I was pushed down the steps and suffered a concussion. I was hospitalized for weeks because I cracked my skull. I was never the same. My mentality was strongly stuck on this idea that people are evil.
I hated school.
Not only did I have to deal with the bullying, my mother was never home. She wasn’t even present when I was hospitalized. My mother blamed me over and over for my father leaving leading her to find comfort; drinking and smoking. She would rather waste time drinking with friends then come visit me. I’ve never seen my father nor do I gave a damn. He decided to get up and pack all his things in the middle of the night, so why should I care.
I was neglected.
But even though I went through most of that abuse and torture, I did have a one friend. My first friend and best friend his name was Lee Kikwang.
I could not have been so lucky to have him by my side. Kikwang was how can you say…dumb and he didn’t get many things as quick as others. Slow as you will call it but it was different…it was more innocent like. He was not ignorant of the environment surrounding him. Parents that died serving their country, a drug addict aunt that only cared about the money, an uncle that took the pleasure in ‘loving’ him every night and their high maintenance, spoiled daughter who received everything and anything.
He never spoke a word to me about his home issues. He only listened to mine. He never asked questions or proposed options he just listened. That was one thing about him that attracted me to him the most. We both came from broken families but not once he said “Well there are people who suffer worst that you”. If he had said that I might have punch him and never talk to him again. Since I am the type to hold grudges.
All the days I’ve spent with him were always enjoyable. We would met up and walk to the park, which was the first place we met. Just a friendly scroll. During the summer ice cream, winter hot steamed dumplings. We would take our seats on the swings and just talk of our day. Sometimes we would just sit and not talk. Silence was a calm factor especially with a hot head like me. Every time people would look at us weirdly. Some people even to the initiative to come up to us and ask
“Why are we friends?”
Honestly it was quite agitating. Why could I not have him as a friend? Why, was it eyeliner that I wore or the beanies he wore? Was it the height difference? The taste in clothes? Above all that there were days where we would get
“You guys look handsome”
Kikwang would turn a beet red. He was never able to take compliments properly. I would wait until we were far from the ones that complimented us to laugh in his face. He would get even redder then hit me telling me to stop teasing. Days like that was promising I hoped that it would stay that way forever but as you know reality is not like that. It was senior year in high school and it was time that we chose colleges. We were both offered a scholarship to go to the top arts school in the country. He was going for dance and I was vocal. Things were looking up until he was forced to go to a college that was in walking distance of his aunt and uncle. The argument was they would miss him. Bullshit. They knew that if he would go away the money would be put toward his education not them. He ultimately turned down the scholarship and went to the school of their chose.
Once again I was thrown into this cruel and horrible world of ignorant and selfish people. But I couldn’t blame him. I just wished he had pushed more to go with me. I made sure that I would work hard to finish all my studies and projects so I could go visit him. The first time I saw him I was angry and furious. He grown thin and suffered more pain. All I could do was watch as he struggled to eat the ice cream we once munched on. He would tell me
“I’m not hungry”
I stared at him and shook my head. I told him to apply once again to my school. He might not get the scholarship but he can still be close to me and be in safe arms. He said that he would. I called him repeatedly to apply I even blew up his email. People would call this obnoxious but it was far from it. I only wanted the best for him. After a few months in school I was back again for break but this time it was different. He didn’t meet up with me at the station like he did before. The whole train ride I was so enthusiast to tell him of the new friends I gained in school. For once I felt comfortable being around people other than him especially since it was four new people. I would have never expected to make friends who understand and shared the same ideas of music as do I. All crazy and eccentric but Kikwang would forever remain my best friend. So I just decided to wait maybe he would show up.
I waited for an hour. Train after train. The train conductors that pasted every minute asked if I was waiting get on but I constantly denied.
Half an Hour later
Nothing
I started to wonder if he forgot or was in traffic. I grabbed all my things and thought I should go to the park. We always meet there if something goes wrong. He also knew I was home since I called him, sent a text and an email the day before. Once again I’m not obnoxious. Maneuvering through the large crowd of people in the street I noticed it was typically rougher than usually. The cars honking to get people out of the way were louder than normal also. There was even an ambulance that was trying to get through. I being the nosy person I am I wanted to look. As I got closer I heard people say
“Poor boy…”
“Drunk driver…”
“He had a life ahead of him”
“Some people should not drive”
“He looks young 19…20 maybe”
My curiosity was so strong now I had to know. The horns of the cars in my ear, people pushing me and elbowing me in the stomach I got frustrated I started to push people out of the way. At this point my luggage long forgotten. As I pushed and clawed my way through I had a sinking feeling. It was weird was I expecting to see someone that I did not want to see on the floor. When I finally hit the front I saw a familiar face covered in blood. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. I was hoping that I was not hallucinating.
“No No this can’t be” was all that ran through my head. I openedmy eyes and the picture was still the same. I started to walk towards the body on the floor. The police that was barricading the area tried to stop me from getting closer. But I fought to break free. That person lying on the floor covered in blood was my best friend Kikwang. When I told them I knew the person on the floor and they let me go. His eyes were still open and he had tears coming from the sides. I was boiling with anger. When the people in the ambulance came they checked his pulse but it was too late. He was dead on spot.
It was not his time to go I would curse the driver that hit him. I would even wish that they kill and torture him in jail but how is that any better than the ones that picked on me in school. I should… actually no one should wish something bad on another. The reality of this was so strong that my grades dropped in my first semester back. I remember spending most of my time crying every night for 5 months. Even the comfort of my new friends was not the same. I missed him and I often felt that I should not have left him in that cruel environment. I often thought of committing suicide. Lucky for me I had a support group who keep me living and I am truly grateful.
We should have never separated but I look back at the days that we spent together I laugh. Because those memories are what pushed me to smile everyday whether I was here in school or at the park we spend time together. This experience has changed my life.
But now I have to end this since I have made the whole front row weep and smug their makeup. To end this speech I have two quotes I would like everyone to thing about:
One) The most important thing is to enjoy your life - to be happy - it's all that matters.
And
Two) Life is like dancing. If we have a big floor, many people will dance. Some will get angry when the rhythm changes. But life is changing all the time.
Have a good day everyone.
---
I just love to take long breaks don’t I? Well I wanted to write something just to get me back into the writing frenzy especially since I’ve been out of school for a while now. I just started to get relaxed. I’m still working on Get Away Part 4 and 5 at the same time. So I should have more chapters up soon. Also about the quotes I got them from this website called brainyquote.com. The first one is by Audrey Hepburn and the second one is by Miguel Angel Ruiz. Actually there was one more I liked but I didn’t use:
Lao Tzu
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.