[prompt] today's a day without me
(from
sunday_reveries)
"No one can pull anyone back from anywhere. You save yourself or you remained unsaved." - Alice Sebold
Click.
Guns are fascinating. They always look lighter than they are; Dan can't remember ever holding anything this heavy, though the weight of it in his hand is something he's only noticing now. It's nearly impossible for little details like that to register in your mind in the midst of chaos, or maybe he's only noticing it now because of what's at stake - and they're far more intricate than he ever expected, all bits and pieces of metal that have to go together just so or the whole thing'll jam up or backfire.
He took one apart, once, hands shaking all the while out of fear that he'd somehow wind up with a bullet lodged in his chest. It was Naomi's suggestion. She said it would keep him busy.
The memory almost makes him laugh.
When life and death don't matter, it's amazing how calm you are around deadly weapons. He wonders, distractedly, if Naomi would be impressed.
Dan's certain he shouldn't feel this tranquil - or, he thinks, he should, and that's why he's doing it. He won't even feel it - he hasn't felt anything in so long - and if he doesn't even care enough to feel afraid or even a little nauseous, that has to be some sort of green light.
The safety's off.
He decides to wait a few seconds, just in case one of the other DHARMA employees decide to come knocking. It wouldn't be an entirely unexpected visit since no one knows where he is, and he should be down in the lab. Someone's bound to come knocking eventually, to make sure he's okay. Right?
This is what he tells himself.
Five minutes pass, then ten, then fifteen. No one knocks, no one calls. Another green light.
After five more minutes, he starts to think.
He never had a mother - Eloise Hawking is not a woman worthy of the title - and never knew his father. He ruined Theresa, couldn't save Charlotte. Miles thinks he's crazy. So does Frank. Juliet, too, he's sure, just like everyone else. DHARMA. Desmond.
The list goes on and on and on. People he's failed, people he's hurt, people who don't trust him or don't believe him.
Another green light, and here he is with a gun in his hand -
A gun pointed at the wall -
A gun pointed at his head -
Here he is, Daniel Faraday with a gun aimed and ready, too weak to save himself and too far lost a cause for anyone else to try.
Another green light, and bang.
sunday_reveries)
"No one can pull anyone back from anywhere. You save yourself or you remained unsaved." - Alice Sebold
Click.
Guns are fascinating. They always look lighter than they are; Dan can't remember ever holding anything this heavy, though the weight of it in his hand is something he's only noticing now. It's nearly impossible for little details like that to register in your mind in the midst of chaos, or maybe he's only noticing it now because of what's at stake - and they're far more intricate than he ever expected, all bits and pieces of metal that have to go together just so or the whole thing'll jam up or backfire.
He took one apart, once, hands shaking all the while out of fear that he'd somehow wind up with a bullet lodged in his chest. It was Naomi's suggestion. She said it would keep him busy.
The memory almost makes him laugh.
When life and death don't matter, it's amazing how calm you are around deadly weapons. He wonders, distractedly, if Naomi would be impressed.
Dan's certain he shouldn't feel this tranquil - or, he thinks, he should, and that's why he's doing it. He won't even feel it - he hasn't felt anything in so long - and if he doesn't even care enough to feel afraid or even a little nauseous, that has to be some sort of green light.
The safety's off.
He decides to wait a few seconds, just in case one of the other DHARMA employees decide to come knocking. It wouldn't be an entirely unexpected visit since no one knows where he is, and he should be down in the lab. Someone's bound to come knocking eventually, to make sure he's okay. Right?
This is what he tells himself.
Five minutes pass, then ten, then fifteen. No one knocks, no one calls. Another green light.
After five more minutes, he starts to think.
He never had a mother - Eloise Hawking is not a woman worthy of the title - and never knew his father. He ruined Theresa, couldn't save Charlotte. Miles thinks he's crazy. So does Frank. Juliet, too, he's sure, just like everyone else. DHARMA. Desmond.
The list goes on and on and on. People he's failed, people he's hurt, people who don't trust him or don't believe him.
Another green light, and here he is with a gun in his hand -
A gun pointed at the wall -
A gun pointed at his head -
Here he is, Daniel Faraday with a gun aimed and ready, too weak to save himself and too far lost a cause for anyone else to try.
Another green light, and bang.