whine whine whine complian happiness
well friday wasn't that much better. but the rest of the weekend was.
Friday
The feild trip the holocaust museum was okay. it could have been better. it seemed a little rushed. and i had to go the bathroom and was shivering on the inside when the guy was talking.
and i hate seeing pics of dying skin skeleton people. it makes me want to cry and throw up at the same time.
I didn't get to hang out and talk to people when we got back cuz sam's dad took us right away {he had to work sam said} sam's well it could have been better. i am just such a depressing person sometimes. i was there sitting at her house in the computer chair. not happy. not sad either. just out of place and lacking emotions. i need to work on my feelings. they leave me all the time and then come back full blast. it's such a wicked thing. and i realized at her house that i don't really like ddr either. i only play for activity. the game itself has terrible memories for me. a few of you with good memories may remember why. { lol that's a lot memories }
Saturday
{i'm dumb and acidentally deleted this part. grr. but i will try to rewrite it later.}
{it's later already}
i woke up this day from a dream/nightmare and couldn't fall back asleep.
in this dream ellen died. only i didn't know that till later. but this was very emotional. in the morning i had tears on my face and everything. i should try to be nicer to ellen but that is extremely hard. i think though i WILL watch her cross the street more carefully. cuz that's how it happened in the dream...
the real living ellen impressed me though. she made herself chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. then i tried and failed miserably. i wanted to just hug her cuz of the dream but i was afraid she might start screaming at me cuz that's just the kind of relationship we have.
later this day i went shopping with my mom. {now this part of my entry rocked. i hope i remember it correctly.}
{eh i'll finish even later now}
{it's later later now. only this is going to be hard to write cuz i'm still angry with my dumbness of deleting this i may not get the happy feeling this entry was like}
well my mom and i went to the mall. and i didn't mind being there with her. i wasn't embarrassed or anything. in fact i was actually happy. it was a very nice outing. no yelling no stress no frustation. it was like being out with your best friend. we walked around the mall and actually talked to each other browsing at gifts and even buying one too. normally when we shop together it is not like this. normally it is very stressful. but apparently xmas has broughten the best out in us. or maybe it was just because it was just her and me. and we weren't out to buy things so we had no pressure or anything. but i really liked being there with her. i couldn't imagine having that kind of experience with anyone else. it was wonderful. i hope we have more moments like that. she is giong to help me with a few of my make-em presents. hopefully we can be like friends then too. she's a good mom once you get past the being a mom part. lol.
after that i made two wicked icons
one was of cirlces that changed colors
the other was stars in the shape of a heart that changed color one by one and then back agian in the same fashion. i really like the star one. it is pretty.
at the end of the day i watched legally blond. oh how i love that movie. just watching it put me in a better mood. it makes me proud of my girliness. and gets me thinking that i can do anything if i set my mind to it. i know that's lame. it is just a blond movie. yet still it is so inspirational to me. i'm not even a blonde. in fact i don't even know my hair color, what IS it?
Sunday
today i went to denny's with my church youth group.
i got BACON!!! .. and french toast :)
and then i got ellen's BACON too. oh how i love bacon. it smells soo good. i thank god that melissa sparked that love cuz it is sooo good!
and i've finished my book for english. which makes me relieved and less stressed now that all i have to do is EVERYTHING ELSE. lol.
and i tryed to draw. key workd tried. didn't work though. i was just trying to make the cover of my book into a bigger picture. i couldn't get it too look right though.
i missed a few days in there . like monday to thurs. but those are school days. so i don't think that they had quite as much impact has the rest.
pefect xmas gift
i figured out what i want though
i want someone by my side to tell me that everything will be okay. and they need to say that and truely mean it. and i need to actually believe them. someone to lift me up when i'm down. make me smile when i frown. hold me when i'm cold. play with me when i'm bored. sing to me when i need a laugh. help me feel agian. someone to feel good around. someone who i can trust. someone who there is no awkardness with. who has similer interests. someone who needs me as much i as i need them. someone who knows the right things to say when it is needed. someone that doesn't always say the right thing but it is cute nonetheless. someone who can understand me. someone who will go to concerts with me and drive me there too. someone who likes the same music and will help me learn which band is which. someone to lie next to. someone to gently kiss me. someone that knows when i want their arms wrapped around me and when i don't. someone who will give me space when i need it and smuggle me when i want it. i want somone to love. hell i just want to love.
quite simply
love is lovebrought to you by the isLove Generator
where have all my feelings gone?
that is asking for a lot so if you can't get that for me i like money :)
later days
Friday
The feild trip the holocaust museum was okay. it could have been better. it seemed a little rushed. and i had to go the bathroom and was shivering on the inside when the guy was talking.
and i hate seeing pics of dying skin skeleton people. it makes me want to cry and throw up at the same time.
I didn't get to hang out and talk to people when we got back cuz sam's dad took us right away {he had to work sam said} sam's well it could have been better. i am just such a depressing person sometimes. i was there sitting at her house in the computer chair. not happy. not sad either. just out of place and lacking emotions. i need to work on my feelings. they leave me all the time and then come back full blast. it's such a wicked thing. and i realized at her house that i don't really like ddr either. i only play for activity. the game itself has terrible memories for me. a few of you with good memories may remember why. { lol that's a lot memories }
Saturday
{i'm dumb and acidentally deleted this part. grr. but i will try to rewrite it later.}
{it's later already}
i woke up this day from a dream/nightmare and couldn't fall back asleep.
in this dream ellen died. only i didn't know that till later. but this was very emotional. in the morning i had tears on my face and everything. i should try to be nicer to ellen but that is extremely hard. i think though i WILL watch her cross the street more carefully. cuz that's how it happened in the dream...
the real living ellen impressed me though. she made herself chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. then i tried and failed miserably. i wanted to just hug her cuz of the dream but i was afraid she might start screaming at me cuz that's just the kind of relationship we have.
later this day i went shopping with my mom. {now this part of my entry rocked. i hope i remember it correctly.}
{eh i'll finish even later now}
{it's later later now. only this is going to be hard to write cuz i'm still angry with my dumbness of deleting this i may not get the happy feeling this entry was like}
well my mom and i went to the mall. and i didn't mind being there with her. i wasn't embarrassed or anything. in fact i was actually happy. it was a very nice outing. no yelling no stress no frustation. it was like being out with your best friend. we walked around the mall and actually talked to each other browsing at gifts and even buying one too. normally when we shop together it is not like this. normally it is very stressful. but apparently xmas has broughten the best out in us. or maybe it was just because it was just her and me. and we weren't out to buy things so we had no pressure or anything. but i really liked being there with her. i couldn't imagine having that kind of experience with anyone else. it was wonderful. i hope we have more moments like that. she is giong to help me with a few of my make-em presents. hopefully we can be like friends then too. she's a good mom once you get past the being a mom part. lol.
after that i made two wicked icons
one was of cirlces that changed colors
the other was stars in the shape of a heart that changed color one by one and then back agian in the same fashion. i really like the star one. it is pretty.
at the end of the day i watched legally blond. oh how i love that movie. just watching it put me in a better mood. it makes me proud of my girliness. and gets me thinking that i can do anything if i set my mind to it. i know that's lame. it is just a blond movie. yet still it is so inspirational to me. i'm not even a blonde. in fact i don't even know my hair color, what IS it?
Sunday
today i went to denny's with my church youth group.
i got BACON!!! .. and french toast :)
and then i got ellen's BACON too. oh how i love bacon. it smells soo good. i thank god that melissa sparked that love cuz it is sooo good!
and i've finished my book for english. which makes me relieved and less stressed now that all i have to do is EVERYTHING ELSE. lol.
and i tryed to draw. key workd tried. didn't work though. i was just trying to make the cover of my book into a bigger picture. i couldn't get it too look right though.
i missed a few days in there . like monday to thurs. but those are school days. so i don't think that they had quite as much impact has the rest.
pefect xmas gift
i figured out what i want though
i want someone by my side to tell me that everything will be okay. and they need to say that and truely mean it. and i need to actually believe them. someone to lift me up when i'm down. make me smile when i frown. hold me when i'm cold. play with me when i'm bored. sing to me when i need a laugh. help me feel agian. someone to feel good around. someone who i can trust. someone who there is no awkardness with. who has similer interests. someone who needs me as much i as i need them. someone who knows the right things to say when it is needed. someone that doesn't always say the right thing but it is cute nonetheless. someone who can understand me. someone who will go to concerts with me and drive me there too. someone who likes the same music and will help me learn which band is which. someone to lie next to. someone to gently kiss me. someone that knows when i want their arms wrapped around me and when i don't. someone who will give me space when i need it and smuggle me when i want it. i want somone to love. hell i just want to love.
quite simply
love is lovebrought to you by the isLove Generator
where have all my feelings gone?
that is asking for a lot so if you can't get that for me i like money :)
later days