Owls and Tears // Closed (Unless you have a reason to be in/at Fred's Apartment)
Angelina was reclining on Fred's couch staring up at the ceiling. He'd gone off to work a few hours before and was less than silent getting ready. She couldn't complain of course, a free couch was just that, but as she thought over her options; staying with Luna, living with her mother, renting her own place before getting a job, Angelina found herself as aimless as ever.
It could be worse, she thought. You could still be in Canada.
As the thought crossed her mind a rap caught her attention. At the window was a very stately owl. It must be for Fred, she thought rising to open the window and let the owl inside. He fluttered around a bit before plopping the parchment in front of her, the name on it, A.J, written in a handwriting she dreaded to see.
AJ,
I've been trying to get a hold of you for weeks now, but with all this Burning Man business going around, the letters keep getting returned. I've been watching the goddamn papers to see your name, how the hell did it come to this.
I just need to know if you're okay. You left, you never said a word after what happened. I know you're upset but running off to fucking England doesn't fix this. I mean you quit the team. You were our captain, you were our friend. Was it really that hard? Was it really so tough to look at me everyday? We could have worked this out together. You weren't the only one who lost something.
Look, I don't want to scare you off any further but, hell I don't know any other way to write this. I want you to come back. I meant what I said before, we could make it work. It wasn't a plan we wanted but the idea grew on me. Loosing it was hard on both of us, but I think, I want to make a real go at this. Don't you? If not, can't we at least talk about it. It kills me to think you're doing this on your own.
Please owl me back. Or call. I still have the same phone number. Just let me know you're alright. I'm tired of fighting and being mad about what could have been. Please.
Derek
There was a phone number and address scrawled on the outside of the letter and as she read it her hands were trembling. I can't deal with this. She thought, balling up the letter and tossing it across the room. Before it even hit the wall she felt the tears well, her cheeks hot with anger.
He was a good guy. Merlin, he's a great guy. A keeper on her team, when she was made captain they celebrated. Angelina cried into the pillow remembering how it all started. A few drinks, a few dances, one night, two nights. Going steady. One month late barely three months dating. She was scared, he wanted it 'dealt with' at first. She would keep it. So he would keep it. They would make it work. All smiles, wait to tell. Go to the reunion with a big surprise! Not three months in there was blood, cramps, horrible unrelenting pain. “It's more common thank you think.” “There's no way to be sure what caused it.” “There's nothing you could have done.” Tears. Fights. Flight.
Pretend it never happened.
Sobbing into the pillow she punched the couch angrily. Coming home was an escape but the letter, that goddamn owl screamed in her mind. Running off to fucking England doesn't fix this.
The owl, of the avian persuasion, sat gingerly on the table awaiting a reply. After sobbing for a time, and coaxing herself to a pen and parchment she scrawled the only words she could before stuffing it in the birds talons.
It never happened.
Watching it fly away she felt overwhelming guilt. Derek didn't deserve this, she thought. I just can't deal with this. It was selfish, she knew it. Part of her wanted to make it all right, hell she even knew how. Tell your mother, tell your friends. Talk it out, make it okay. It happened, you'll grieve and move on. Just like if it was a friend you lost, you have to go through the motions. But she felt unbearably trapped and completely incapable of dealing with it the 'right way'.
Rolling back onto the couch she buried her face in the pillow and let the sobs come in the silence of Fred's apartment. She cried as hard as she could until she couldn't cry anymore, her eyes tired from it all. It took a time, but she finally fell asleep, a thankfully dreamless sleep.