haha... this was so good i had to repost it... I'm awesome:
A Day With Walking Plastic Boobs, the Whore
Friday was your usual busy day. The fucking lunch rush was out the door and past the first two round tables at my lovely place of work... Potbelly Gaywhore Works. On this auspicious occasion, we had the pleasure of having one cash register down b/c the IT help desk refused to come fix it. This is bad. Customers were getting out much slower than usual thus, tensions were running high. I expected pissy customers... they happen with or without slower line times. But Today, of all days... the anger level was off the fucking roof. I am on Dress two, as always (b/c apparently no one else knows how to put fucking mayo mustard and hot peppers on the goddamn sandwiches) and I get a walking pair of plastic boobs to my station.
Me: "Hi, how's it going?"
Plastic boobs: "What?"
Me: How's it going? What kinda sand..."
Plastic boobs: Uhm, a veggie, easy cheese."
I check down and there is indeed a veggie, but instead of easy cheese, there is only American cheese... six slices of American cheese, therefore, demonstably not easy on the cheese.
Me: "Okay hun, it looks like they sent it through with just Americ---"
Plastic boobs: "Whatever, I'll take it."
Me: "Well there's only American and there's the full six slices so I can take your toppings for you and---"
PlasticBoobs: *exasperated sigh* whatever, i'll take it.
Me: Okay, come on down.
Plastic boobs: *sigh*
Me: Any mayo mustard or hot peppers for you, hun (i have taken to calling people hun and honey, b/c I am SO fucking sick of screaming sir or miss)
Plastic boobs: I want blahblahgibberishblah
I make her sandwich hand it to her and as I did, one of the regulars joked around with me and he says "Hey this your first day? You make those fucking sandwiches so fast you set peoples hands on fire, girl" I laugh and joke back "Actually... this is my training day." Somewhere in the joking, I must've missed plastic boobs saying thank you. She turned to her friend Fake Nose and cawed "She was so fucking rude. I said thank you. She didn't even know what she was doing" *homicidal glare at me*.
Me:"I'm sorry, hun, I didn't hear you *b/c I don't speak very much stupid slag whore and you, as is apparent, are very fluent* I wasn't ignoring you. In fact *in comes my attempt at humor, whilst forgetting she only speaks stupid slag whore* I was building up the suspense so that I could tell you how awesome you are. *vague laugh*."
Plastic Boobs: *exasperated sigh* Whatever. *shakes stupid blond hair and rolls eves with Fake Nose.
Me:*have a good day, assmunch.* I am really am sorry, miss. Hvae a good one.
Plastic boobs *ignore*
Whore.
Slag.
Slutbag.
Putrid bag of incontinent slime.
Plastic boobs, I hate to say this... (hahaha... I so don't hate to say this...) but you are a fucking bitch despite how awesome I generally was to you. And wtf was i supposed to do when the other guy talked to me? ignore him? HE was being fucking nice to me. He earned my attention you pimped out miserable sleaze. GET AIDS. I made your fucking sandwich when I really should've shoved it in your over-painted face and laughed while your whore friend Fake Nose recoiled in horror. I hope you get raped in the ass by a balding octogenarian business man with the herp.
Whore, slag, slutbag, putrid bag of incontinent slime... customer. All of you, please die.
Friday was your usual busy day. The fucking lunch rush was out the door and past the first two round tables at my lovely place of work... Potbelly Gaywhore Works. On this auspicious occasion, we had the pleasure of having one cash register down b/c the IT help desk refused to come fix it. This is bad. Customers were getting out much slower than usual thus, tensions were running high. I expected pissy customers... they happen with or without slower line times. But Today, of all days... the anger level was off the fucking roof. I am on Dress two, as always (b/c apparently no one else knows how to put fucking mayo mustard and hot peppers on the goddamn sandwiches) and I get a walking pair of plastic boobs to my station.
Me: "Hi, how's it going?"
Plastic boobs: "What?"
Me: How's it going? What kinda sand..."
Plastic boobs: Uhm, a veggie, easy cheese."
I check down and there is indeed a veggie, but instead of easy cheese, there is only American cheese... six slices of American cheese, therefore, demonstably not easy on the cheese.
Me: "Okay hun, it looks like they sent it through with just Americ---"
Plastic boobs: "Whatever, I'll take it."
Me: "Well there's only American and there's the full six slices so I can take your toppings for you and---"
PlasticBoobs: *exasperated sigh* whatever, i'll take it.
Me: Okay, come on down.
Plastic boobs: *sigh*
Me: Any mayo mustard or hot peppers for you, hun (i have taken to calling people hun and honey, b/c I am SO fucking sick of screaming sir or miss)
Plastic boobs: I want blahblahgibberishblah
I make her sandwich hand it to her and as I did, one of the regulars joked around with me and he says "Hey this your first day? You make those fucking sandwiches so fast you set peoples hands on fire, girl" I laugh and joke back "Actually... this is my training day." Somewhere in the joking, I must've missed plastic boobs saying thank you. She turned to her friend Fake Nose and cawed "She was so fucking rude. I said thank you. She didn't even know what she was doing" *homicidal glare at me*.
Me:"I'm sorry, hun, I didn't hear you *b/c I don't speak very much stupid slag whore and you, as is apparent, are very fluent* I wasn't ignoring you. In fact *in comes my attempt at humor, whilst forgetting she only speaks stupid slag whore* I was building up the suspense so that I could tell you how awesome you are. *vague laugh*."
Plastic Boobs: *exasperated sigh* Whatever. *shakes stupid blond hair and rolls eves with Fake Nose.
Me:*have a good day, assmunch.* I am really am sorry, miss. Hvae a good one.
Plastic boobs *ignore*
Whore.
Slag.
Slutbag.
Putrid bag of incontinent slime.
Plastic boobs, I hate to say this... (hahaha... I so don't hate to say this...) but you are a fucking bitch despite how awesome I generally was to you. And wtf was i supposed to do when the other guy talked to me? ignore him? HE was being fucking nice to me. He earned my attention you pimped out miserable sleaze. GET AIDS. I made your fucking sandwich when I really should've shoved it in your over-painted face and laughed while your whore friend Fake Nose recoiled in horror. I hope you get raped in the ass by a balding octogenarian business man with the herp.
Whore, slag, slutbag, putrid bag of incontinent slime... customer. All of you, please die.