THE LOST SPN DREAM
I woke up on January 24th like “WHAT AM I GONNA DO FOR DEAN’S BIRTHDAY” and then failed to do anything celebratory. It was kind of a weird weekend leading up to today, to be fair. Lots of work hours, had just gotten my car back from the shop ($1500 worth of repairs, woohoo), my mom reporting that my dad was having potential COVID symptoms but of course he stubbornly resisted getting a test or staying home from referee work until I got the chance to literally drive an at-home test to their house yesterday (he tested positive). So anyway. Today I had grand plans of writing fan fiction-not finishing fan fiction, just writing some SPN stuff-but apparently the weird surge of inspiration I had (but never put to use) last week has died off, because I tried to start writing for about two hours but instead did nothing but get distracted by everything under the sun while subconsciously panicking every time I saw the time and stewing in a familiar, low-key self-loathing. I did get to see a women’s college gymnastics meet thanks to a free TV trial, and it was a very good meet. <3 This last thing has nothing to do with Dean, but at least I had a good time, and I’ll dedicate the good time to him-and also the self-loathing, for good measure.
In lieu of some actual fan fiction of some kind, I would like to share some Dean-centric fan fiction that my subconscious wrote in a dream about four and a half years ago, because I have just discovered my record of this dream after having lost track of it FOR 4.5 YEARS.
I’d recorded it while only half-awake. I knew I’d done it digitally, but I’d searched Google Drive and my documents a dozen times over the years with no luck. I wondered at one point if I had typed it up in a phone app I no longer used, which meant that it was lost forever when my phone perished in the river water of the North this summer. Honestly, I hadn’t thought about it much since. BUT THEN I stumbled upon it-recently, by chance-buried deep in the mess of an email inbox! Apparently, I had recorded the dream by typing it up in an email and sending it to myself.
Here it is in all its brain fog glory.
Subject: Dream
Sunday, September 24, 2017, 5:52am
Reading fanfic: Dean and Marybond, esp afyer Dams death (earlier 20s), no John (died when kids were tiny?), def still hunters, Dean in John's leather, very melancholy, last scene is Dean making some wisecrack (ohh that devilmaycare thing is something that hasn't shown up until now and Sam died and it's a defense mechanism as he recovers) and then Mary hugs him from the Impala driver seat and lasy linr is, "She was reminded that he had once eantrd an out."
(To translate: The last line of the fanfic was: "She was reminded that he had once wanted an out.")
This fan fiction that Dream Me was reading sounds very depressing but I want to read it.
OKAY WAIT
I remember having this dream while I was house- and dog-sitting: I woke up on the basement couch and typed up the dream all bleary and quick so I could immediately fall asleep again to get 30-60 more minutes of sleep before getting up to let the dog out. XD And that's funny, because I remember I was at this same house and on this same couch when I read the fic How Many Thousands for the first time, which kalliel wrote for me after I bid on her for the "Seasons" SPN fic anthology fundraiser on Indiegogo. I wondered if this dream happened around that same time, so I looked through my inbox to investigate. What I discovered is that, the day or two before I wrote this dream email, I was emailing back and forth with the "Seasons" organizer to claim the commission that would turn into How Many Thousands. The night before I had the dream, I was writing and sending my first ever email to Kalliel to start figuring out the commission details. (I made this a very long-winded process, lol.)
So what a coincidence that I was dogsitting at the same place when the fic was posted months later. I was sitting on that basement couch when I read the fic for the first time. It absolutely destroyed me-so much so that the dog heard me crying from the floor above and came down to see what was the matter. ♥
Anyway. I’ve gone down a rabbit hole when I should be sleeping. This is not what I intended to talk about today but I highly, highly recommend How Many Thousands if you are in a place where you can be destroyed. (ETA: This entire fic centers around a forced separation between Sam and Dean, so keep in mind that many of the things that made it a difficult read may be even more difficult in our current pandemic times.)
In lieu of some actual fan fiction of some kind, I would like to share some Dean-centric fan fiction that my subconscious wrote in a dream about four and a half years ago, because I have just discovered my record of this dream after having lost track of it FOR 4.5 YEARS.
I’d recorded it while only half-awake. I knew I’d done it digitally, but I’d searched Google Drive and my documents a dozen times over the years with no luck. I wondered at one point if I had typed it up in a phone app I no longer used, which meant that it was lost forever when my phone perished in the river water of the North this summer. Honestly, I hadn’t thought about it much since. BUT THEN I stumbled upon it-recently, by chance-buried deep in the mess of an email inbox! Apparently, I had recorded the dream by typing it up in an email and sending it to myself.
Here it is in all its brain fog glory.
Subject: Dream
Sunday, September 24, 2017, 5:52am
Reading fanfic: Dean and Marybond, esp afyer Dams death (earlier 20s), no John (died when kids were tiny?), def still hunters, Dean in John's leather, very melancholy, last scene is Dean making some wisecrack (ohh that devilmaycare thing is something that hasn't shown up until now and Sam died and it's a defense mechanism as he recovers) and then Mary hugs him from the Impala driver seat and lasy linr is, "She was reminded that he had once eantrd an out."
(To translate: The last line of the fanfic was: "She was reminded that he had once wanted an out.")
This fan fiction that Dream Me was reading sounds very depressing but I want to read it.
OKAY WAIT
I remember having this dream while I was house- and dog-sitting: I woke up on the basement couch and typed up the dream all bleary and quick so I could immediately fall asleep again to get 30-60 more minutes of sleep before getting up to let the dog out. XD And that's funny, because I remember I was at this same house and on this same couch when I read the fic How Many Thousands for the first time, which kalliel wrote for me after I bid on her for the "Seasons" SPN fic anthology fundraiser on Indiegogo. I wondered if this dream happened around that same time, so I looked through my inbox to investigate. What I discovered is that, the day or two before I wrote this dream email, I was emailing back and forth with the "Seasons" organizer to claim the commission that would turn into How Many Thousands. The night before I had the dream, I was writing and sending my first ever email to Kalliel to start figuring out the commission details. (I made this a very long-winded process, lol.)
So what a coincidence that I was dogsitting at the same place when the fic was posted months later. I was sitting on that basement couch when I read the fic for the first time. It absolutely destroyed me-so much so that the dog heard me crying from the floor above and came down to see what was the matter. ♥
Anyway. I’ve gone down a rabbit hole when I should be sleeping. This is not what I intended to talk about today but I highly, highly recommend How Many Thousands if you are in a place where you can be destroyed. (ETA: This entire fic centers around a forced separation between Sam and Dean, so keep in mind that many of the things that made it a difficult read may be even more difficult in our current pandemic times.)