Withdrawn
Usually I'm a very social creature. Some people have joked that I can be lone-wolfy sometimes, but usually it's just when I'm feeling crabby or resentful or trying to coax others into coming to me first (mature I know!) Yet for the most part I know that hanging out alone is on the bottom of my list. Going on a solo vacation definitely sounds cool and bucket-listy and soul-searchingy but if I'm ever seriously petitioned with the opportunity, the answer wouldn't just be "nope" but, "nope, why?" Even an evening alone at home leads to me texting everyone I know and actually checking social media - which I typically do once a week, not once a quarter-hour!
But the cool twist in this story is that lately I've been sort of withdrawn. And not like emo, turning up my collar against the wind, pressing 'decline' on every call, walking in the rain, using "nothin'..." (emphasis on the dot dot dot) to answer every inquiry. I'm still the cheery people-talker-to-er. Yet in the back drop I feel my focus is usually not in the moment and I secretly just wish I could be hanging out alone, or grocery shopping alone, or working alone (never an option.) I'm not actually disappearing from public, and realize it would irresponsible and flippant to do so. But that bored, "what's everyone else up to?" itching I get when I'm alone is fading or faded. I wish I could say it's a sign of growing up but that would be naive because my mom is the exact same way and she's practically a mummy. I think it's the trash can of stuff in my brain and life asking me asking to clear some space on my calendar.
But the cool twist in this story is that lately I've been sort of withdrawn. And not like emo, turning up my collar against the wind, pressing 'decline' on every call, walking in the rain, using "nothin'..." (emphasis on the dot dot dot) to answer every inquiry. I'm still the cheery people-talker-to-er. Yet in the back drop I feel my focus is usually not in the moment and I secretly just wish I could be hanging out alone, or grocery shopping alone, or working alone (never an option.) I'm not actually disappearing from public, and realize it would irresponsible and flippant to do so. But that bored, "what's everyone else up to?" itching I get when I'm alone is fading or faded. I wish I could say it's a sign of growing up but that would be naive because my mom is the exact same way and she's practically a mummy. I think it's the trash can of stuff in my brain and life asking me asking to clear some space on my calendar.