Update thing.../Amagami/Japanese/Doctor shit/P90X.....
Same reason for not posting is as usual. Anyway try to do some quick gist things.....
Doctors/health...
For the time being ive giving up on trying to sue my doctors. I cant get anyone to take my case cuz of this stupid 2 year law. I still have not even gotten back all my papers from my PCP months later. Which as of now might be the only person I have a shot against cuz of this stupid 2 year law....
Doctors still dont give a fuck what they right. Even when AJ(who of course works at UofM), and my brother went to the doctor with me. The doctor still lied in his report. They just really dont give a fuck. I even had one doctor now writing that im like threating them, and they were about to call security on me during the visit. WTF... Well at least writing something like this just looks bizarre as almost every other report says something stupid like he is a quite young depressed man. Or some bs. Now there writing he is a threating individual. Who we were about to call security on. WTF???? And of course yes I taped this. And other people were there, yet they still write that shit? WTF?
Nothing has changed with the dieing thing. Basically the excuse now as usually is every thing is false positive and only reason my liver is damaged is because I did the biopsy in the first place... Its like wtf are fucking kidding me? Then its like ok what about these liver lesions then in my CTs. There excuse some people just get them....
-_-
The only thing they said that mattered is the singular dilation or whatever it was. But they said it doesnt matter cuz ive never complained about any heart issues....
DUDE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I WAS JUST ON A HEART MACHINE THIS WINTER! You fucks put me on asprin everyday for my heart. I have been complaining about my heart since I got sick. Ive had high blood pressure since I got sick. Of course they dont care.
Blah I have a colonoscopy again this monday. I have to do another one since the last one was false positive that 5 years ago or whatever. Of course again only recently did I find out there was anything wrong with it in the first place. =/
Eyes are still messed up. I guess after 2 months your suppose to get as good as you are gonna do.... well ive only went up a few points. There still messed up, but doctor said it took us this long to get you here, so no reason to stop. So yea my eyes are still jacked I guess. Great job fucks.
Back doctor said I need to start back therapy again. I wont get into exactly what he said. But the gay part of it. Ive had no PCP right. Well anyway yea he said basically they would contact me in a few days later to set it up, well 3 weeks later they finally call me(which dont assume of course that I didnt try to contact them myself)and there like, oh your suppose to get the referral from your PCP to do it. Its like are you fucking kidding me. He did not fucking say that. I didnt even have a PCP when I saw him, he said he was setting it up. Dear god. DEAR MOTHER FUCKING GOD.
Honestly doctors fucking disgust me. Lets just say this, lets say as long as it wouldnt effect a friend down the line, id be fine wtih every doctor getting sick themselves and dying a slow death. Its pretty obvious to me at this point that 99% of doctors are scum. I almost wish I believed in bull shit like god, so I could tell myself there is something like divine punishment retribution butt fuck what comes around fuck yous up goes around blah..... But I know there isnt... There is no consequence for being a horrible person in life.
Sigh...
I even tried to talk to my neurologist about his falsifying reports and he just told me thought I said that, and sometimes doctors make mistakes. -_- Well I guess that wasnt as bad as my PCP kicking me out because she doesnt want to be sued. But whatever... maybe if you fucks could write a correct report my life wouldnt have turned out this way....
Oh well other few quick notes since this is already taking to much time. I dunno if its my asthma or blood pressure, but ive been getting a lot of bursts of tiredness and having trouble breathing and just being really slow. Again ever since that C-diff last year and being in the hospital ive never been able to keep my blood pressure medicine regular so its hard to say. And I cant not take it, cuz then I start getting really high.(Not that its not random even with it... shrug)
I unfortunately have been shitting myself quite a bit lately. Actually only once this month, but last month it was on and off the whole month. Really strange. I havnt had particularly bad diarrhea either so im not sure whats up. Use to just happen when ill have a really bad day and cant control my body, so ill be throwing up then start shitting myself. But now its just happening randomly. For example one day, I just sneezed and I shit myself. Its like... are you serious? I dunno very strange. I guess like I said thankfully only once this month. But last month it was pretty bad....
Ive still been basically only eating twice a day now for almost 6 months. I was hoping it was the aspirin every day that was fucking me up. But its only gone down a bit. Same thing with me being bloated and burning kinda feeling. Its gone down a bit. But still its there. I still am not loseing weight despite this circumstances... very strange... Not sure.. either...
A lot of random headaches... Ive had a lot of bad ones at random times, so as it is my bed time is around 6am as it is.... My "schedule" is really fucked up, because of the randomness of it. Example just a couple days ago, I was sick till about 4:30 pm, took a shower, got sick again and was in bed till about 8pm. So my day didnt even start till 8... So yea because of days like this... really all over the place. Im sure its because ive been trying to work out more. And because the more I do the more I get sick. I guess its inevitable.
...........................................................................................
P90X....
I decided to start this see how it goes... Unfortunately I was hoping my problem would just be my hands. So I wouldnt really be able to up my weight ever. But still try and get a good work out from that. But I guess probably obvious but it is just not physically possible for me to work out every day. Also somethings that I was hoping would just be hard, are impossible for me. My legs are really jacked up bad from that cipro I guess... Whatever the case im still going to try.... So heres my first day pics.... http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2007793&id=1279955459
Guess will see how it goes after 90 days......
..............................................................................................
For Japanese stuff..... Im really getting up there in stuff I have for it... But again I have like no choice cuz I cant really write to practice anymore, so I just have to keep on buying new books, and try and get good solely through reading memorization.
A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar
A Dictionary of Intermediate Japanese Grammar
A Dictionary of Advanced Japanese Grammar
Japanese particle workbook
The Kodansha Kanji Learner's Dictionary
Making Sense of Japanese: What the Textbooks Don't Tell You
Japanese Sentence Patterns for Effective Communication: A Self-Study Course and Reference
The Handbook of Japanese Verbs
Japanese Core Words and Phrases: Things You Can't Find in a Dictionary
Love, Hate and Everything in Between: Expressing Emotions in Japanese
Dirty Japanese: Everyday Slang from "What's Up?" to "F*%# Off!"
Outrageous Japanese: Slang, Curses and Epithets
More Making Out in Japanese, Revised Edition (1 and 2)
Random House Japanese-English English-Japanese Dictionary
Japanese the Manga Way: An Illustrated Guide to Grammar and Structure
A Dictionary of Japanese Particles
Beyond Polite Japanese: A Dictionary of Japanese Slang and Colloquialisms
Jazz Up Your Japanese with Onomatopoeia: For All Levels
Building Word Power in Japanese: Using Kanji Prefixes and Suffixes
Colloquial Kansai Japanese: The Dialects and Culture of the Kansai Region
Expressive Japanese: A Reference Guide for Sharing Emotion and Empathy
Colloquial Japanese
Genki I: An Integrated Course in Elementary Japanese I
Genki II: An Integrated Course in Elementary Japanese II
Yomu Training
Yomu Training Advanced
Kiku Training
Japanese Grammar Dictionary 日本語文型辞典
Casio EX-word XD-GF10000 Japanese-English Electronic Dictionary w/Stylus
Some reading and writing in Japanese for beginners.
I think I have a few more but those are the ones I can recall.... Anyway way to much shit... If only my hands werent such ass maybe I wouldnt have to resort to this... Hopefully I can just get say a good idiomatic type expression book, and maybe one here or there kinda thing and be done... Again I guess the problem is I can never find a book for "me". Then again I guess maybe there is the thought if you can find a book that is good for you, it means you arent learning anything and its to easy maybe... Shrug but whatever my circumstance again is I have to practice through reading only cuz of my hands really. And even then with me getting sick so much and my concentration being bad... Blah just sucks....
.............................................................................................
Quick game note I guess... ive been playing Amagami on and off. Playing something like this makes me wonder what was the catalyst for some of these characters... In general that is. Everything has to have come from somewhere at least to an extent right? But say Haruka... Is there anyone in real life like her? REALLY? If so... Japan is a really nice place to go to high school I guess..... I guess the characters just arent very believable, even though maybe there not suppose to be. I wish there was a Kanae route. But doesnt look like it. I guess you cant have EVERY girl in school. shrug That would be to unrealistic. Oh well game seems fun enough. Doesnt seem to be any harem end though ha..... Honestly some of the bad ends, have been so depressing it depressed me in real life...
I cant belive ive been sick for 6 years now. Whats worse, im going to be 25 this year. Really really amazing in a shitty way.... I feel sometimes even now like... Im to old to be playing games... Like its not right... My life really passed me by. Not by my choice either..... Again as I usually say, some people are just meant to be nobodies. Thats how life is. It just sucks when your one of those people. Its like... I still get asked if im a model pretty regularly it seems. Yet... here I am playing dating games. Granted I guess you could say doctors did fuck up my dick, so what does it matter anyway... I dunno... I just really dont like my life I guess. I really just perfer fake type stuff..... Im just not a fun person I guess.... I just view myself as being really old maybe........... Like I was just ment to get sickier and sickier till I die I guess... Sigh.... Matt once told me something along the lines of I am a real anime character. The naive good looking guy who has all these girls that like him but doesnt realize it. I guess the problem is I dont really like a lot of people. And whats more then just being naive per say, im not fun either. I dont enjoy many things. I dont think one person could ever make me happy, and I know I could never make anyone else happy as well. So in that sense I prefer to stay by myself. Sigh maybe if I woulda been the person I am now today as I was in high school or just when I was younger... Of course take out the whole being on disability and dieing part ha... Of coures part of me does wish I tried harder when I was younger, but again, who grows up imagining that they will get sick when they get older... sigh Ridiculous I can barely even masturbate to give myself a second of pleasure my dick got fucked up so bad. And its like dont even try and give me any BS excuse like its my mood, cuz since I was told I was dieing ive been in a great mood. As much as it sucks to know my doctors have purposely fucked me over, it feels good, cuz I know me being sick is partly to blame on my doctors. Not like they were every fucking trying to get me better anyway. Sigh...... life........ Seriously do your jobs you stupid fucks.
anyway.....
Oh well this took a long time to type on and off so im done.....
Doctors/health...
For the time being ive giving up on trying to sue my doctors. I cant get anyone to take my case cuz of this stupid 2 year law. I still have not even gotten back all my papers from my PCP months later. Which as of now might be the only person I have a shot against cuz of this stupid 2 year law....
Doctors still dont give a fuck what they right. Even when AJ(who of course works at UofM), and my brother went to the doctor with me. The doctor still lied in his report. They just really dont give a fuck. I even had one doctor now writing that im like threating them, and they were about to call security on me during the visit. WTF... Well at least writing something like this just looks bizarre as almost every other report says something stupid like he is a quite young depressed man. Or some bs. Now there writing he is a threating individual. Who we were about to call security on. WTF???? And of course yes I taped this. And other people were there, yet they still write that shit? WTF?
Nothing has changed with the dieing thing. Basically the excuse now as usually is every thing is false positive and only reason my liver is damaged is because I did the biopsy in the first place... Its like wtf are fucking kidding me? Then its like ok what about these liver lesions then in my CTs. There excuse some people just get them....
-_-
The only thing they said that mattered is the singular dilation or whatever it was. But they said it doesnt matter cuz ive never complained about any heart issues....
DUDE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I WAS JUST ON A HEART MACHINE THIS WINTER! You fucks put me on asprin everyday for my heart. I have been complaining about my heart since I got sick. Ive had high blood pressure since I got sick. Of course they dont care.
Blah I have a colonoscopy again this monday. I have to do another one since the last one was false positive that 5 years ago or whatever. Of course again only recently did I find out there was anything wrong with it in the first place. =/
Eyes are still messed up. I guess after 2 months your suppose to get as good as you are gonna do.... well ive only went up a few points. There still messed up, but doctor said it took us this long to get you here, so no reason to stop. So yea my eyes are still jacked I guess. Great job fucks.
Back doctor said I need to start back therapy again. I wont get into exactly what he said. But the gay part of it. Ive had no PCP right. Well anyway yea he said basically they would contact me in a few days later to set it up, well 3 weeks later they finally call me(which dont assume of course that I didnt try to contact them myself)and there like, oh your suppose to get the referral from your PCP to do it. Its like are you fucking kidding me. He did not fucking say that. I didnt even have a PCP when I saw him, he said he was setting it up. Dear god. DEAR MOTHER FUCKING GOD.
Honestly doctors fucking disgust me. Lets just say this, lets say as long as it wouldnt effect a friend down the line, id be fine wtih every doctor getting sick themselves and dying a slow death. Its pretty obvious to me at this point that 99% of doctors are scum. I almost wish I believed in bull shit like god, so I could tell myself there is something like divine punishment retribution butt fuck what comes around fuck yous up goes around blah..... But I know there isnt... There is no consequence for being a horrible person in life.
Sigh...
I even tried to talk to my neurologist about his falsifying reports and he just told me thought I said that, and sometimes doctors make mistakes. -_- Well I guess that wasnt as bad as my PCP kicking me out because she doesnt want to be sued. But whatever... maybe if you fucks could write a correct report my life wouldnt have turned out this way....
Oh well other few quick notes since this is already taking to much time. I dunno if its my asthma or blood pressure, but ive been getting a lot of bursts of tiredness and having trouble breathing and just being really slow. Again ever since that C-diff last year and being in the hospital ive never been able to keep my blood pressure medicine regular so its hard to say. And I cant not take it, cuz then I start getting really high.(Not that its not random even with it... shrug)
I unfortunately have been shitting myself quite a bit lately. Actually only once this month, but last month it was on and off the whole month. Really strange. I havnt had particularly bad diarrhea either so im not sure whats up. Use to just happen when ill have a really bad day and cant control my body, so ill be throwing up then start shitting myself. But now its just happening randomly. For example one day, I just sneezed and I shit myself. Its like... are you serious? I dunno very strange. I guess like I said thankfully only once this month. But last month it was pretty bad....
Ive still been basically only eating twice a day now for almost 6 months. I was hoping it was the aspirin every day that was fucking me up. But its only gone down a bit. Same thing with me being bloated and burning kinda feeling. Its gone down a bit. But still its there. I still am not loseing weight despite this circumstances... very strange... Not sure.. either...
A lot of random headaches... Ive had a lot of bad ones at random times, so as it is my bed time is around 6am as it is.... My "schedule" is really fucked up, because of the randomness of it. Example just a couple days ago, I was sick till about 4:30 pm, took a shower, got sick again and was in bed till about 8pm. So my day didnt even start till 8... So yea because of days like this... really all over the place. Im sure its because ive been trying to work out more. And because the more I do the more I get sick. I guess its inevitable.
...........................................................................................
P90X....
I decided to start this see how it goes... Unfortunately I was hoping my problem would just be my hands. So I wouldnt really be able to up my weight ever. But still try and get a good work out from that. But I guess probably obvious but it is just not physically possible for me to work out every day. Also somethings that I was hoping would just be hard, are impossible for me. My legs are really jacked up bad from that cipro I guess... Whatever the case im still going to try.... So heres my first day pics.... http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2007793&id=1279955459
Guess will see how it goes after 90 days......
..............................................................................................
For Japanese stuff..... Im really getting up there in stuff I have for it... But again I have like no choice cuz I cant really write to practice anymore, so I just have to keep on buying new books, and try and get good solely through reading memorization.
A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar
A Dictionary of Intermediate Japanese Grammar
A Dictionary of Advanced Japanese Grammar
Japanese particle workbook
The Kodansha Kanji Learner's Dictionary
Making Sense of Japanese: What the Textbooks Don't Tell You
Japanese Sentence Patterns for Effective Communication: A Self-Study Course and Reference
The Handbook of Japanese Verbs
Japanese Core Words and Phrases: Things You Can't Find in a Dictionary
Love, Hate and Everything in Between: Expressing Emotions in Japanese
Dirty Japanese: Everyday Slang from "What's Up?" to "F*%# Off!"
Outrageous Japanese: Slang, Curses and Epithets
More Making Out in Japanese, Revised Edition (1 and 2)
Random House Japanese-English English-Japanese Dictionary
Japanese the Manga Way: An Illustrated Guide to Grammar and Structure
A Dictionary of Japanese Particles
Beyond Polite Japanese: A Dictionary of Japanese Slang and Colloquialisms
Jazz Up Your Japanese with Onomatopoeia: For All Levels
Building Word Power in Japanese: Using Kanji Prefixes and Suffixes
Colloquial Kansai Japanese: The Dialects and Culture of the Kansai Region
Expressive Japanese: A Reference Guide for Sharing Emotion and Empathy
Colloquial Japanese
Genki I: An Integrated Course in Elementary Japanese I
Genki II: An Integrated Course in Elementary Japanese II
Yomu Training
Yomu Training Advanced
Kiku Training
Japanese Grammar Dictionary 日本語文型辞典
Casio EX-word XD-GF10000 Japanese-English Electronic Dictionary w/Stylus
Some reading and writing in Japanese for beginners.
I think I have a few more but those are the ones I can recall.... Anyway way to much shit... If only my hands werent such ass maybe I wouldnt have to resort to this... Hopefully I can just get say a good idiomatic type expression book, and maybe one here or there kinda thing and be done... Again I guess the problem is I can never find a book for "me". Then again I guess maybe there is the thought if you can find a book that is good for you, it means you arent learning anything and its to easy maybe... Shrug but whatever my circumstance again is I have to practice through reading only cuz of my hands really. And even then with me getting sick so much and my concentration being bad... Blah just sucks....
.............................................................................................
Quick game note I guess... ive been playing Amagami on and off. Playing something like this makes me wonder what was the catalyst for some of these characters... In general that is. Everything has to have come from somewhere at least to an extent right? But say Haruka... Is there anyone in real life like her? REALLY? If so... Japan is a really nice place to go to high school I guess..... I guess the characters just arent very believable, even though maybe there not suppose to be. I wish there was a Kanae route. But doesnt look like it. I guess you cant have EVERY girl in school. shrug That would be to unrealistic. Oh well game seems fun enough. Doesnt seem to be any harem end though ha..... Honestly some of the bad ends, have been so depressing it depressed me in real life...
I cant belive ive been sick for 6 years now. Whats worse, im going to be 25 this year. Really really amazing in a shitty way.... I feel sometimes even now like... Im to old to be playing games... Like its not right... My life really passed me by. Not by my choice either..... Again as I usually say, some people are just meant to be nobodies. Thats how life is. It just sucks when your one of those people. Its like... I still get asked if im a model pretty regularly it seems. Yet... here I am playing dating games. Granted I guess you could say doctors did fuck up my dick, so what does it matter anyway... I dunno... I just really dont like my life I guess. I really just perfer fake type stuff..... Im just not a fun person I guess.... I just view myself as being really old maybe........... Like I was just ment to get sickier and sickier till I die I guess... Sigh.... Matt once told me something along the lines of I am a real anime character. The naive good looking guy who has all these girls that like him but doesnt realize it. I guess the problem is I dont really like a lot of people. And whats more then just being naive per say, im not fun either. I dont enjoy many things. I dont think one person could ever make me happy, and I know I could never make anyone else happy as well. So in that sense I prefer to stay by myself. Sigh maybe if I woulda been the person I am now today as I was in high school or just when I was younger... Of course take out the whole being on disability and dieing part ha... Of coures part of me does wish I tried harder when I was younger, but again, who grows up imagining that they will get sick when they get older... sigh Ridiculous I can barely even masturbate to give myself a second of pleasure my dick got fucked up so bad. And its like dont even try and give me any BS excuse like its my mood, cuz since I was told I was dieing ive been in a great mood. As much as it sucks to know my doctors have purposely fucked me over, it feels good, cuz I know me being sick is partly to blame on my doctors. Not like they were every fucking trying to get me better anyway. Sigh...... life........ Seriously do your jobs you stupid fucks.
anyway.....
Oh well this took a long time to type on and off so im done.....