Don't read this.
Most of my life, I'd never had a heart, so why is it now that I get one? And why the fuck is it working overtime?
I've never trusted people either, and now for some reason, I find myself trusting people I shouldn't.
And because of that I'm now getting hurt more often than I ever have in my life.
I try, I try so hard to not have a heart, and to not give a shit about anything or anyone, and to not let shit get to me, but it's not working anymore, and it's fucking killing me.
Fuck, something in me is just wanting to stay in bed all day. Drugs arn't even that appealing to me anymore, and that fucking terrifies me. They're the one thing that's never let me down, and has always been there, and I feel like I'm abandoning everything I've ever known.
I don't even fucking write anymore, and that was my only sanity all my life.
I also came to the conclusion that guys arn't worth it anymore. I don't think I've ever met a guy that actually truly cares, and I'm not sure I ever will. And even if I do, I'm not even sure I'd appreciate him, because I wouldn't be used to it. I'm not even sure why I'm complaining, I mean, yeah, most of the guys I know are using me, but I've used plenty of guys before, and it is much better to be used then to be useless.
Part of me wants to take a vow of celibacy for at least a year, but I know that I'm too much of a slut to go through with it.
Within the past month I've said that I wasn't going to have sex for awhile at least 7 times, yet I've already slept with 2 different guys. FUCK, I don't even like sex that much. But the feeling of being wanted, even if it's not real, is nice sometimes.
I've never trusted people either, and now for some reason, I find myself trusting people I shouldn't.
And because of that I'm now getting hurt more often than I ever have in my life.
I try, I try so hard to not have a heart, and to not give a shit about anything or anyone, and to not let shit get to me, but it's not working anymore, and it's fucking killing me.
Fuck, something in me is just wanting to stay in bed all day. Drugs arn't even that appealing to me anymore, and that fucking terrifies me. They're the one thing that's never let me down, and has always been there, and I feel like I'm abandoning everything I've ever known.
I don't even fucking write anymore, and that was my only sanity all my life.
I also came to the conclusion that guys arn't worth it anymore. I don't think I've ever met a guy that actually truly cares, and I'm not sure I ever will. And even if I do, I'm not even sure I'd appreciate him, because I wouldn't be used to it. I'm not even sure why I'm complaining, I mean, yeah, most of the guys I know are using me, but I've used plenty of guys before, and it is much better to be used then to be useless.
Part of me wants to take a vow of celibacy for at least a year, but I know that I'm too much of a slut to go through with it.
Within the past month I've said that I wasn't going to have sex for awhile at least 7 times, yet I've already slept with 2 different guys. FUCK, I don't even like sex that much. But the feeling of being wanted, even if it's not real, is nice sometimes.