Bite that lip 'cause your tongue is a gun and your brain is the trigger
Huh, haven't updated this thing in forever. Suddenly felt the urge to write up a bit to help get things off my chest and definitely write things down as I know eventually I will forget something. Plus, it's nice to look back.
Hm, since I last updated back in October, a lot has happened. The show idea never came through. My idea of the show can't happen with Jeff and Katie. I'm a Feminist-in-training and the things that are said wouldn't fly with me. Feminist-in-training because there are certain aspects I haven't fully grasped yet but have a basic understanding of.
Next on the list? Well, that hurricane was a grand old time. A week without power/heat/hot water. It was a hard time, but what made up for it? 70 hours of work that week (30 hours overtime). Downside was that I had a flat tire that week and with the desperation of gas during that incident and lack of gas in my car, things got challenging.
At the end of all that, I got a new laptop. Alienware. It's been extremely nice and so far has been a beast. PC gaming has been a hell of a lot nicer now that I can play some newer games that require high-end graphic cards. Dark Souls has returned into my life (still a fantastic game no matter how challenging it got) and Steam sales are always being watched.
The seafood manager was transferred. Mary was a pain in the ass, but the kind that you didn't mind so much. She did some shaky things and I tried to pressure her, but she wasn't actually bad. I mean, we hit rock bottom when we had Ken last year so whatever Mary tried to pull, she didn't really hit anything. Whenever I did cause a bit of trouble, it was because I was angry or upset. I wanted that position. I needed the hours and the money, but alas, that time didn't come. They were bringing the guy from the Wayne store over. This felt like a slap in the face because I was supposed to go to the Wayne store so that would have meant I'd be coming back to my "home" store as a dept manager.
The whole situation sucked because it was 2 weeks before Christmas. That was NOT the time to transfer someone. The new manager was bad. Not Ken bad but worse than Mary. I could easily sense he had an attitude and his mood swings were strange. His mannerisms were much worse than my own. He just did not seem like a manager type. I'm still hearing bad things about him, which is sad.
New Years Day (like 1AM) my car died, or rather was in the process of. The alternator crapped out but I had no idea. I drove Jackie home that night and as I was pulling down my street, the lights began to dim, I couldn't read what gear my car was in on the dashboard, and I wasn't sure if I could make it home. Well, I did. Talked to my dad and eventually we got into a huge fight. I asked him a simple question and it turned into another lecture on how my life isn't great and blah blah blah. I asked 1 question and I get that? I was not in the mood to listen to it so I kept responding to his little bits that would shut a person up ("You're not a mechanic, Rob, so you don't know how the car works" "You aren't either and so far you've done more damage to the car than good."). He eventually hung up and told me to ask my mother for help. I turned to Leroy but he never got back to me in time. So I decided to drive off to find a mechanic. Got to a stop light and the car shut off. I immediately called Leroy and he came driving over. Managed to push the car into a "safe" area and began to wait for mechanic to show up. Unfortunately, after an hour of waiting, the cops came by and forced our hand with towing the car. After towing the car to the mechanic, I got it fixed. Cost me roughly $450 to get that all taken care of but I paid that with my own money even though that was my rent money.
The following weekend, my grandfather passed away. He's not really my grandfather (grandmother remarried) but I always considered him such. It was weird because 2 weeks prior to that, I saw him. Around the time of Sandy Hook shooting, my dad and I were up to grab a few things. I helped with set up their wireless internet and fix the laptop's wireless connection issue (needed an update was all). It didn't seem like anything was wrong, but you can't always predict a heart attack.
When my dad told me, I took it pretty hard. The next couple days, I was in a pretty shitty mood. Like I was a bit lifeless. It was hard for me not just because of my grandfather, but because I was in a bad position. I was barely scraping by with the hours I was working. Something had to change soon and soon it did. In the middle of eating brinner (breakfast for dinner, pancakes) with Leroy, I got a phone call from my store manager. There was an opening in Boonton for a seafood manager and asked if I was interested. I didn't hesitate when I told him yes. I did ask what happened as during December, I worked a few nights in that store as they needed the help but didn't get an answer. 2 days later I find out that I'm going to be starting there the following Monday.
We attended the wake. I never really did tell my dad that I might be getting a promotion, but it never really mattered to me. I felt like I was going to always get a lecture of sorts because, you know, I never do anything right. I helped out as much as I could as I wanted to feel like I was part of the family. When it came time to pay our respects, I had a hard time. I've paid my respects in my own way, but the "formal" approach irks me simply because I'm not comfortable with a dead body, especially when it's someone I cared about. It was hard when Steve passed away last year, but this was someone much closer.
So far, my experience in the new store has been interesting. Dan, the co-worker, has a general idea but acts much like I do. A kid, doesn't really want to do too much. Figures I'd get that, but honestly didn't want it any other way. I'm doing everything I can to not be like them. Most managers I had always looked down at me, but there were few who saw eye to eye. I get the idea that I've more responsibilities than the others in the department, but that doesn't mean I treat them like crap. That's what I'm trying to avoid as much as I can.
I did a lot of thinking the other day. I started wondering what happened with my art. I had 2 webcomics running even if they were small-time. I was pumping out art left and right. This was before college prep. When I applied to college, my parents turned me down. I've told this story a billion times but it started to click. That's around the time it fell apart. Any hope that I could become the artist I wanted to become were dashed. I tried to work on it afterwards but it's always been hard to just pick up and keep at it. Every time, I eventually lose interest and give up. It has always been hard but I guess it's what has been blocking me. That lingering "you had your chance and you lost it" or the whole "mojo is gone" thing. Either way, it's something I'll figure out how to resolve that doesn't involve a confrontation with my parents. As I've said before in previous entries, it is partially my fault for not actually pushing it.
I guess that's all? I'm not entirely sure what else I can say right now.
Hm, since I last updated back in October, a lot has happened. The show idea never came through. My idea of the show can't happen with Jeff and Katie. I'm a Feminist-in-training and the things that are said wouldn't fly with me. Feminist-in-training because there are certain aspects I haven't fully grasped yet but have a basic understanding of.
Next on the list? Well, that hurricane was a grand old time. A week without power/heat/hot water. It was a hard time, but what made up for it? 70 hours of work that week (30 hours overtime). Downside was that I had a flat tire that week and with the desperation of gas during that incident and lack of gas in my car, things got challenging.
At the end of all that, I got a new laptop. Alienware. It's been extremely nice and so far has been a beast. PC gaming has been a hell of a lot nicer now that I can play some newer games that require high-end graphic cards. Dark Souls has returned into my life (still a fantastic game no matter how challenging it got) and Steam sales are always being watched.
The seafood manager was transferred. Mary was a pain in the ass, but the kind that you didn't mind so much. She did some shaky things and I tried to pressure her, but she wasn't actually bad. I mean, we hit rock bottom when we had Ken last year so whatever Mary tried to pull, she didn't really hit anything. Whenever I did cause a bit of trouble, it was because I was angry or upset. I wanted that position. I needed the hours and the money, but alas, that time didn't come. They were bringing the guy from the Wayne store over. This felt like a slap in the face because I was supposed to go to the Wayne store so that would have meant I'd be coming back to my "home" store as a dept manager.
The whole situation sucked because it was 2 weeks before Christmas. That was NOT the time to transfer someone. The new manager was bad. Not Ken bad but worse than Mary. I could easily sense he had an attitude and his mood swings were strange. His mannerisms were much worse than my own. He just did not seem like a manager type. I'm still hearing bad things about him, which is sad.
New Years Day (like 1AM) my car died, or rather was in the process of. The alternator crapped out but I had no idea. I drove Jackie home that night and as I was pulling down my street, the lights began to dim, I couldn't read what gear my car was in on the dashboard, and I wasn't sure if I could make it home. Well, I did. Talked to my dad and eventually we got into a huge fight. I asked him a simple question and it turned into another lecture on how my life isn't great and blah blah blah. I asked 1 question and I get that? I was not in the mood to listen to it so I kept responding to his little bits that would shut a person up ("You're not a mechanic, Rob, so you don't know how the car works" "You aren't either and so far you've done more damage to the car than good."). He eventually hung up and told me to ask my mother for help. I turned to Leroy but he never got back to me in time. So I decided to drive off to find a mechanic. Got to a stop light and the car shut off. I immediately called Leroy and he came driving over. Managed to push the car into a "safe" area and began to wait for mechanic to show up. Unfortunately, after an hour of waiting, the cops came by and forced our hand with towing the car. After towing the car to the mechanic, I got it fixed. Cost me roughly $450 to get that all taken care of but I paid that with my own money even though that was my rent money.
The following weekend, my grandfather passed away. He's not really my grandfather (grandmother remarried) but I always considered him such. It was weird because 2 weeks prior to that, I saw him. Around the time of Sandy Hook shooting, my dad and I were up to grab a few things. I helped with set up their wireless internet and fix the laptop's wireless connection issue (needed an update was all). It didn't seem like anything was wrong, but you can't always predict a heart attack.
When my dad told me, I took it pretty hard. The next couple days, I was in a pretty shitty mood. Like I was a bit lifeless. It was hard for me not just because of my grandfather, but because I was in a bad position. I was barely scraping by with the hours I was working. Something had to change soon and soon it did. In the middle of eating brinner (breakfast for dinner, pancakes) with Leroy, I got a phone call from my store manager. There was an opening in Boonton for a seafood manager and asked if I was interested. I didn't hesitate when I told him yes. I did ask what happened as during December, I worked a few nights in that store as they needed the help but didn't get an answer. 2 days later I find out that I'm going to be starting there the following Monday.
We attended the wake. I never really did tell my dad that I might be getting a promotion, but it never really mattered to me. I felt like I was going to always get a lecture of sorts because, you know, I never do anything right. I helped out as much as I could as I wanted to feel like I was part of the family. When it came time to pay our respects, I had a hard time. I've paid my respects in my own way, but the "formal" approach irks me simply because I'm not comfortable with a dead body, especially when it's someone I cared about. It was hard when Steve passed away last year, but this was someone much closer.
So far, my experience in the new store has been interesting. Dan, the co-worker, has a general idea but acts much like I do. A kid, doesn't really want to do too much. Figures I'd get that, but honestly didn't want it any other way. I'm doing everything I can to not be like them. Most managers I had always looked down at me, but there were few who saw eye to eye. I get the idea that I've more responsibilities than the others in the department, but that doesn't mean I treat them like crap. That's what I'm trying to avoid as much as I can.
I did a lot of thinking the other day. I started wondering what happened with my art. I had 2 webcomics running even if they were small-time. I was pumping out art left and right. This was before college prep. When I applied to college, my parents turned me down. I've told this story a billion times but it started to click. That's around the time it fell apart. Any hope that I could become the artist I wanted to become were dashed. I tried to work on it afterwards but it's always been hard to just pick up and keep at it. Every time, I eventually lose interest and give up. It has always been hard but I guess it's what has been blocking me. That lingering "you had your chance and you lost it" or the whole "mojo is gone" thing. Either way, it's something I'll figure out how to resolve that doesn't involve a confrontation with my parents. As I've said before in previous entries, it is partially my fault for not actually pushing it.
I guess that's all? I'm not entirely sure what else I can say right now.