[Private]
Had a dream. Was laying in bed somewhere, dunno where it was but it felt familiar. Some kind of old house. Could hear people in the house but I didn't want them to see me because I wasn't supposed to be out of bed. But I got outta bed and I snuck out the door into this garden, went looking for a flower for her. She'd like it. Found one, it was white, beautiful, so I turned around to take it back in and then there was this pain in my arm and chest. Hurt like a motherfucker. Couldn't move, I fell. The flower was in my hand. Woke up sweating like hell.
Don't even know what to believe anymore. Could've sworn I saw it in her eyes, felt it, heard it- but everything else lately makes me think it was never there. Not like I thought it was. Not like I hoped it was. Not like it is for me.
I know things went fast, way fast. I'd be fine slowing down. I know if she came back, we'd have to step on the brakes a bit.
She's not coming back. She'll realize it's not me she wants. Or maybe she does but not like him. She wants him more. She shouldn't be with me. I'm the only one standing in her way. With me out of the picture, she can go be with him and be happy like she wants. Like she should've done months ago instead of this.
Should've learned from Hemi not to get between her and Ian.
He'd better treat her right. I'll fucking kill him if he hurts her.
Tired. Dunno what to think. Maybe I'm over-thinking. Maybe I should just shut the fuck up and let things go like Dash said. Just... can't. If she's not going to be happy like this then what's the fucking point of continuing?
She's not coming back. She shouldn't. I should get used to that.
Don't even know what to believe anymore. Could've sworn I saw it in her eyes, felt it, heard it- but everything else lately makes me think it was never there. Not like I thought it was. Not like I hoped it was. Not like it is for me.
I know things went fast, way fast. I'd be fine slowing down. I know if she came back, we'd have to step on the brakes a bit.
She's not coming back. She'll realize it's not me she wants. Or maybe she does but not like him. She wants him more. She shouldn't be with me. I'm the only one standing in her way. With me out of the picture, she can go be with him and be happy like she wants. Like she should've done months ago instead of this.
Should've learned from Hemi not to get between her and Ian.
He'd better treat her right. I'll fucking kill him if he hurts her.
Tired. Dunno what to think. Maybe I'm over-thinking. Maybe I should just shut the fuck up and let things go like Dash said. Just... can't. If she's not going to be happy like this then what's the fucking point of continuing?
She's not coming back. She shouldn't. I should get used to that.