No Tux for Me.
Tonight would be the night of the Prom. Am I going? No. I went last year and it was just like anything else. I enjoyed myself at times, but it wasn't some big extravagant thing. I'd rather probably not gone in the end. I went with Michele who has had a big crush on me for awhile now. I think that was a mistake, but I'm so damn nice.
I finally got around to reading other journals besides Cailyn's *L*. Dave hasn't posted much...neither has Mel... but Ash has. I replied to one of her posts, because I had to set some things straight. There are a few more things going on than just the fact that I had Talent Show and that things have been going on with my friends. I just haven't been the same lately. It's sucked major ass. I just can't get a grasp on things. They start to bother me and I get annoyed easilly.
The Talent Show was a really good distraction. It put me in my "zone" and gave me that one track mind that wouldn't allow me to concentrate on anything except the show. Now, that one track mind is gone. Sure, I could be focusing on the Spring Concert or the D.C. trip, but those are still several days away, meaning other things can happen during that time and that's what gets my mind divided.
I just wish I could get that control over things like I used to have. I'm afraid and annoyed by things now. I want to avoid them. I'm trying to do differentlyt his week though. I want to go to D.C. with a clear conscious.
Like what happened between Mel and Nia recently. I initially addressed it and then my mind just wanted to push away. I wanted to close up and push the worries away, but that wasn't right and that wasn't me. I knew I had to do something, so I talked to Nia last night. I told her the way things were and I'm sure she's going to comply. I don't want to take things further. I wouldn't want to have to take things further with everyone, but if need be. . .
Maybe, this is just that weight that comes when you do your best to be the crutch for everyone. With what happened to Jenn and I, it hit me pretty hard, but I did my best to get away from my consciousness, because I knew there were thinsg I had to do at that time and then things just kind of continued from there. I don't regret helping anyone and I'm not going to stop. I just didn't give myself enough time to recoil from Jenn and I think. I didn't give myself time to gain complete control over things again. . . and I think that's what has lead me to this.
The Concert and the D.C. trip will be my escape. I always feel so much better when I'm performing or in Band at all. It's like three solid days of band (well...with the people at least). I'm going to get myself back on track. I know I will, damn it.
I finally got around to reading other journals besides Cailyn's *L*. Dave hasn't posted much...neither has Mel... but Ash has. I replied to one of her posts, because I had to set some things straight. There are a few more things going on than just the fact that I had Talent Show and that things have been going on with my friends. I just haven't been the same lately. It's sucked major ass. I just can't get a grasp on things. They start to bother me and I get annoyed easilly.
The Talent Show was a really good distraction. It put me in my "zone" and gave me that one track mind that wouldn't allow me to concentrate on anything except the show. Now, that one track mind is gone. Sure, I could be focusing on the Spring Concert or the D.C. trip, but those are still several days away, meaning other things can happen during that time and that's what gets my mind divided.
I just wish I could get that control over things like I used to have. I'm afraid and annoyed by things now. I want to avoid them. I'm trying to do differentlyt his week though. I want to go to D.C. with a clear conscious.
Like what happened between Mel and Nia recently. I initially addressed it and then my mind just wanted to push away. I wanted to close up and push the worries away, but that wasn't right and that wasn't me. I knew I had to do something, so I talked to Nia last night. I told her the way things were and I'm sure she's going to comply. I don't want to take things further. I wouldn't want to have to take things further with everyone, but if need be. . .
Maybe, this is just that weight that comes when you do your best to be the crutch for everyone. With what happened to Jenn and I, it hit me pretty hard, but I did my best to get away from my consciousness, because I knew there were thinsg I had to do at that time and then things just kind of continued from there. I don't regret helping anyone and I'm not going to stop. I just didn't give myself enough time to recoil from Jenn and I think. I didn't give myself time to gain complete control over things again. . . and I think that's what has lead me to this.
The Concert and the D.C. trip will be my escape. I always feel so much better when I'm performing or in Band at all. It's like three solid days of band (well...with the people at least). I'm going to get myself back on track. I know I will, damn it.