A Sobering Thought and a Thought to Drink to
One of the frustrations about my particular brand of Depression (or bi-polar or whatever) is that I will occasionally gest struck with a near-debilitating thought of anguish. Something will pop in my head that won't just ruin my day, but will retroactively ruin every day I've ever had. I'll spare you (and myself) previous day-ruining thoughts and images, but suffice to say, they're heartbreaking.
Today, after a long streak of no such images, I got hit with one that I've never had before and it stopped me in my tracks. I had an image of myself, 90 to 100, living in a nursing home. My nephews and niece(s?) had forgotten about me as hard their kids and I was left in the nursing home, day in and day out, completely forgotten. The only thing I had really to my name was my PS2 and my Transformers. I'd die all alone, forgotten about by my family, with nothing but these trinkets of a childhood long, long removed. The vigor of body and clarity of mind forgotten, all that would remain to me would be a sense of hollow meaning.
But then it hit me: I'd still have my PS2. And my Nintendo. And my Transformers.
Fuck, that's kind of awesome.
And like some kind of natural anti-disaster, the image of sadness and sorrow was blown away by the realization that - HOLY FUCK - our lives are going to rock as we get older. I mean, yeah, sure cancer and whatever, but besides from that? We're going to be a generation of old coots that have foam weapons and NERF guns and water pistols and video games and fuck yeah I'm bring my toys to the nursing home. I'm going to stage the biggest goddamn Transformers/Power Rangers/GI Joe/Voltron/Thundercats war humanity has ever seen. Every day. Why every day? Because I'll be senile as hell! I won't remember doing it yesterday. Every day, the biggest, most awesomest crossover ever.
Every day, we'll finally have the time (and lack of anything better to do) to get every. Single. Trophy or chest or level or item or whatever in Final Fantasy XXVIII. It's not going to suck; it's going to be goddamn glorious.
Don't get me wrong, I'm planning on enjoying the intervening years of youth, vitality, and awesomicity. But come 80, 90, 100, and beyond? Yeah, life's going to be pretty damn good.
^______^
Today, after a long streak of no such images, I got hit with one that I've never had before and it stopped me in my tracks. I had an image of myself, 90 to 100, living in a nursing home. My nephews and niece(s?) had forgotten about me as hard their kids and I was left in the nursing home, day in and day out, completely forgotten. The only thing I had really to my name was my PS2 and my Transformers. I'd die all alone, forgotten about by my family, with nothing but these trinkets of a childhood long, long removed. The vigor of body and clarity of mind forgotten, all that would remain to me would be a sense of hollow meaning.
But then it hit me: I'd still have my PS2. And my Nintendo. And my Transformers.
Fuck, that's kind of awesome.
And like some kind of natural anti-disaster, the image of sadness and sorrow was blown away by the realization that - HOLY FUCK - our lives are going to rock as we get older. I mean, yeah, sure cancer and whatever, but besides from that? We're going to be a generation of old coots that have foam weapons and NERF guns and water pistols and video games and fuck yeah I'm bring my toys to the nursing home. I'm going to stage the biggest goddamn Transformers/Power Rangers/GI Joe/Voltron/Thundercats war humanity has ever seen. Every day. Why every day? Because I'll be senile as hell! I won't remember doing it yesterday. Every day, the biggest, most awesomest crossover ever.
Every day, we'll finally have the time (and lack of anything better to do) to get every. Single. Trophy or chest or level or item or whatever in Final Fantasy XXVIII. It's not going to suck; it's going to be goddamn glorious.
Don't get me wrong, I'm planning on enjoying the intervening years of youth, vitality, and awesomicity. But come 80, 90, 100, and beyond? Yeah, life's going to be pretty damn good.
^______^