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[filthymeat]

I knew it was mistake as soon as I said it

I thought she would respect me for putting my foot down, standing up for myself

This was before I realized that she hadn't done anything wrong

It's almost humorous, the talent that I have for fucking things up

Comments

[xtwistedfairyx]

There is this moment I have all the time since you died. It's a good day, fine or whatever and then I remember how you are not alive anymore. Its a crazy not even real feeling cause of course you are alive right? My friend, father dirty, dirty mike, just plain dirty. You were the person that introduced me to all of my friends.You were the person that me and my friends literally stalked at the sawgrass mall before we were friends because I was a 13 year old girl with a massive crush on you. We called you "dippin dots" as a code name and would write "I love Mike Clean" on park benches calling you mike clean so you wouldnt know we were talking about you. You taught me how to kiss and i remember feeling so happy because my giant crush on you ended up with a make out session at plantation high for my second kiss ever. But what I was even luckier for was the friendship that came after that. 14 years. The part that kills me is I dont think you knew how much you meant to me in the end. I wasnt around and I didnt call or make an effort, I would give anything to take that back now. So that you somehow knew I still cared so much. How losing you in such a final sense would kill a piece of my heart I can never get back and how much I would think about you since you are gone and wish I had done things differently. We were these screwed up kids with screwed up lives and all we had were each other. We were a family, you were my family, and I loved you. I'm so sorry Mike, cause even though I am not self centered enough to think that my presence still in the forefront of you life would have changed your mind, at least I wouldnt have to carry the guilt around that you may have died not even knowing that I still loved you or that maybe you didnt love me anymore either. So just to clear things up, I never stopped caring but I had to get away. Away from all the drugs and the drinking, and some of the people you were always around. I couldnt be there, but that didnt mean for second that how I felt had changed, or how the news literally brought me to my knees and changed my life and many others lives that day. I dreamt about you every night for months and months. They were so real, that the irrational part of me has to wonder if maybe they were. And if so, then I'm so glad I got to see your face again, and talk to you one last time. The dreams have stopped, so maybe you have found peace and I hope to god you have. I love you Mike and I'm so sorry you may not have known that.

To Quote you: "Don't fear death . Death is simply like the sleep after a long night of heavy drinking , dreamless and total in it's dissolution . But even better than that there is no waking to a monstrous hangover or having to hear about any of the debaucherous and shameful things you did the night before